Relationships Talk

For all the questions you won’t attempt to ask your group chat, we pulled in our lurve expert Logan Hill.

My S.O.’s persona on social media is way different than who they are IRL. Why do people do that, and should I be concerned?

Everyone fronts on social media, and I generally expect people to be twenty percent more obnoxious online than in person. Social media usually brings out someone’s inner show-off (#Swoll gym selfies), clown (retweet dumb jokes), or hottie (they’ll update profile pics just for the Likes). I wouldn’t sweat it—unless the posts bother you. As with locker-room talk, “It was just a tweet” is never an excuse for being chauvinistic, racist, or an asshole, so call them out on it.

I’ve been with my partner for more than a year, but lately something is off. What are the signs someone wants out?

If they’re acting like you’re not even in the room or they’re treating you with disrespect when they do notice you, that’s a big problem and a major hint something has shifted. But the truest sign they’re about to end things? When you ask them if they’re unhappy and they say yes. Rather than hunt or sniff around for clues, bluntly ask them: “Hey, what’s going on?”

12 Signs He’s Not The One

What’s something wild I can say to a dating-app match to get them to respond right away?

It’s as easy as A-B-C-D: You could always go big with the Aggressive Ask (“Dancing. Downtown. In two hours. You in?”), the Bizarre Boast (“I can rap all of ‘Monster’ from memory. What can you do?”), the Crazy Confession (“I once stole 10 pounds of candy. What’s your last crime?”), or the Dastardly Dare (“I challenge you to the worst thing ever: first-date karaoke. What’s your go-to song?”). When in doubt, ask a question that demands more than a yes or no, and type whatever makes you laugh. Who knows? It might crack them up too.

My buddy wants me to set him up with one of my girlfriends, but the truth is, I don’t want that responsibility. How do I tell him that?

To most men, a successful setup is like a lottery win. You hear about it happening, but you don’t really expect it to ever happen to you. I’m sure your pal won’t be surprised if you simply tell him, “I’m game for giving you dating advice, but sorry, I never set people up.” If you want, you could offer to help him swipe on his dating app—that’s more fun anyway, and it won’t meddle with any of your friendships.

I wait to text back my crush depending on how long they took to answer me. Do other people do that too?

Yes, we make up just as many irrational and idiosyncratic dating rules in our heads too. Some people simply won’t text a someone first; others will hit you up and freak out if you don’t respond ASAP. Some get offended if you don’t reply the same day, while others will barely notice a silence. My number one dating rule: Don’t count on anything. There’s a chance you might find someone who lives by the same invisible texting rules as you do…but there’s also a chance they have a completely different code.

Why do men love sitting on the toilet for so long?! I’ll never understand it….

This is one of the only remaining mysteries of my sex, and I must protect it with my life. If I tell you our secret, the other guys will kill me….Oh, what the hell! Here goes: Have you ever noticed that most guys, after they sit down anywhere, are unlikely to get up again very quickly? Well, that happens in the bathroom too. And sure, we get stuck staring at our phones or deep into space and dig the privacy in there…and sometimes, we do secretly jack off. But mostly? We’re just lazy. (Sorry, bros.)

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I just saw my friend’s bae with someone else! Do I confront them first or tell my friend?

If your friend’s boo is having an affair and you confront them, they’re probably going to lie about it. And when unfaithful people are caught, they often try to shift or share the blame. They will likely tell you it was all a big misunderstanding. If you believe them, it could put you in the ugly position of being their accomplice. Don’t help keep it a secret, even if they beg you (and I bet they will). Now, if you aren’t absolutely positive they were cheating, also tell your friend you aren’t sure what you saw. If you falsely accuse this person, your next double date is going to be highly uncomfortable.