Relationships Talk

BECOMING a bride is perhaps the dream of most women. Some women even select their wedding dress years before they actually walk down the aisle, but the big mistake that so many new brides make is that they fail to see beyond the wedding. When the reality of what marriage is about kicks in, many are already considering divorce. That is why it is so important for a woman to be able to see beyond the wedding celebration, know what is expected of her as a wife, and be ready to take on the role.

Before you say ‘I do’ you should:

Travel

If you can afford to, travel a bit, see the world, meet as many people as you can and experience different cultures. See what life is like outside the environment you grew up in. This kind of exposure will help you to have a better idea of how people live, and the options available to you rather than limit your choices to only the men you are exposed to in your everyday surroundings.

Empower yourself

Traditionally men are expected to provide for their families but in many cases, women are the main providers in their households. One of the main reasons for this shift is that more women are pursuing higher education and thereby putting themselves in a better position to be financially independent. Ladies, it is very important that regardless of what your husband to be has, you can manage to take care of yourself financially. This will reduce the need for you to marry merely for financial security. Having money doesn’t equate to happiness. Anything can happen to your spouse and if you are not educated or skilled enough to earn, and there is no attractive life insurance, you could be left in the cold. Be mindful, too, that sometimes stepchildren or that man’s family will fight you tooth and nail for his assets.

Talk to couples who have a good marriage

Experience teaches wisdom. If you plan to get married, start talking to couples who have been together long enough to teach you a thing or two about how they did it. Don’t take marriage advice from bitter people. You can listen to what they have to say but do not allow it to warp your perception of marriage. Find a few couples who are in long-lasting happy marriages and sit at their feet to learn. Read books about marriage and what is expected of a wife so that you can prepare yourself for that life-changing role (note that the Bible is a good guide for couples preparing for marriage). Encourage your husband-to-be to do likewise. It takes two committed people to make a marriage work.

Do premarital counselling early enough

Don’t wait until a few weeks before your wedding to do premarital counselling. Many couples make this mistake. Premarital counselling is a must-do as early as you both make the decision to be in a serious relationship with the intent to marry. Often it is during the premarital counselling sessions that you get a good idea of who your partner really is. A good counsellor will take you through probing questions that strip the mask from that person you intend to marry. The problem with late scheduling of premarital counselling is that often, by the time you go through the sessions and see the hidden flaws and the red flags, you may have already bought your dress and spent a considerable sum in preparation for the wedding. Consequently, you might not want to pull out at that stage, which is a mistake. Material things you can sacrifice, but never sacrifice your sanity, peace of mind, and perhaps even the rest of your life simply because you already spent money preparing for a wedding. Remember, you could divorce someone after two years and still spend the next 20 years of your life trying to break free from them.

Marriage is a serious covenant that should not be taken lightly. It’s far more than the gorgeous wedding gown and diamond rings. If you intend to be a wife one day, start preparing by getting exposure, empowering yourself, seeking advice and as much as possible, getting to know the person you intend to tie the knot with.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker, ordained minister and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @MarieBerbick. E-mail: marieberbick@gmail. com .