Relationships Talk

If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering if you’re growing out of love with your partner, and if it’s time to end things. While your relationship might be nearing its expiration date, you could also just be in a slump with your S.O. Maybe the problems you’re experiencing are ones you can easily work through. But before you make the hard AF decision to end things with your bae, consider whether you’re actually falling out of love, or you’re just tired of specific fights… it can be pretty difficult to differentiate between the two.

But don’t worry — if you’re struggling with how you’re feeling, you’ve come to the right place. Seventeen talked to relationship experts April Masini and Andrea Syrtash about all the signs your love for your partner might be fading. If you think it might be time to cut the cord, here are seven things to watch out for in your relationship.

1. You’re questioning your feelings for them

If you’re constantly thinking about whether you still love your partner, this probably isn’t a great sign. “When you’re in love, you tend not to question how you feel too much,” Syrtash tells Seventeen. And even worse, if you’re vocalizing these concerns, you might be leaning towards breaking up with your S.O. “If you need a lot of reassurance, you may be looking for an excuse to leave,” Syrtash says.

2. You don’t want to spend as much time with them

So you used to cherish every single date night, and miss your S.O. on nights you didn’t see them… but now, not so much. You’d rather get a bite with the girls or spend the night in with your family. “People in love want to do things together,” Masini says. “This doesn’t mean they want to do everything together, but they want to spend time together.”

But if you feel like you’re the one responsible for spending less time together, perhaps this is something you can work out with your partner. “If you’ve been the one stonewalling, and you can change your own behavior, then this may just be a bump in the road, and not something chronic that is the end of love,” Masini says.

3. You’re less intimate with them

If the physical intimacy in your relationship changes, you might be falling out of love. If you find that you and your S.O. are kissing or holding hands less often, you should look out for other signs. “Public displays of affection are ways for partners to show their feelings,” Masini says.

4. You find them annoying

Is your partner getting on your nerves way too often? Are you getting irritated by totally minute details, like the way they cut their meat or brush their teeth? While it’s completely normal for your S.O. to annoy you every now and then (no relationship is perfect!), if the aggravation is getting out of hand, you’re probably not crazy in love anymore. “If you find yourself suddenly dissecting and judging everything the person you’re dating is doing, this may be a sign that you’re not as into the person as you once were,” Syrtash says.

5. You can’t stop fighting

Of course, fighting with your bae is SO normal. But is it getting to be too much? “When the love fades, there is space for other emotions and relationship dynamics to take over,” Masini says. “Usually, when the love fades, partners start sniping at each other. This sniping becomes bickering, and the bickering becomes chronic.”

According to Masini, a sure-fire way to tell if you’re fighting too much, is to evaluate if you fight more than you express any other emotion in the relationship. To figure out if you’re just going through a rough patch, you should look at your history with your partner. “Try and get a handle on patterns you’ve learned about in your relationship, to decide if this is a chronic issue,” she says.

6. You don’t talk about them very often

When you’re really into someone, you’re usually pretty excited to talk about him/her with your family and friends. You want to brag about their accomplishments and share the sweet things they’ve done for you. But when you stop doing that, Masini says it might be because you’re not as in love as you once were. “If you notice yourself — or your partner — not talking about each other in positive ways to others, chances are, the love is fading.”

7. You’re spending holidays apart

Though you might not be ready to spend big family holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas with your bae, according to Masini, you usually want to “celebrate your love” on landmark holidays like Valentine’s Day or the Fourth of July. “If you’re falling out of love, you don’t want to cement your bond anymore, so you start separating on holidays.” So even if it doesn’t seem like a huge deal, it could be a sign that you’re growing apart from your partner.