Relationships Talk

I have not dictated to my husband regarding him having a relationship with them, and don’t have any interest in doing so.

My problem is, we have young children — a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.

As our daughter has grown, I’ve become very worried about my judgment in ever letting our children spend time at their grandparents’ house.

I had relented earlier on and let my husband take the kids to their house, but now I feel it is wrong to trust them to go over there. I feel helpless, since I do not attend with them.

My kids have lots of cousins that they love. They will be excluded from activities if I put my foot down and don’t let them go to that house.

I feel guilty and lost. I don’t want to make my husband feel bad — his family has already been torn apart because of this.

No one will talk about the abuse that took place, and it’s almost as if it never happened. They cut the daughters who were abused out of their lives.

I don’t want to insult anyone or hurt my husband.

What should I do? — Worried Wife

Dear Worried: Imagine this: You won’t walk across the railroad tracks on a blind curve.

Instead, you send your young children scampering across — with no knowledge or information, no empowering education and no ability to discern about any possible dangers.

Granted, these girls are with their father when they are at their grandparents’, but from what you describe about this family, the parents have successfully banished his victims, have erased this very serious crime (it sounds as if he served at least five years) from their family narrative and are comfortable having children interact with a convicted sex offender in his home.

Please, never subject your children to a situation you aren’t willing to face yourself. You should either be brave enough to be with them, or you should make sure their father is empowered and vigilant.

As a sex offender, your father-in-law is legally prevented from having access to children in schools or in the neighborhood. And yet, his own family — the people who know the most about his history — are placing children in his path.

I can understand why you don’t want to interfere with your husband’s relationship with his father, but you must advocate for your children. Talk with your husband about this and develop a strategy. Do this as parents and partners.

Dear Amy: “Concerned About Safety” asked for advice regarding her high-risk, thrill-seeking boyfriend. I think he should connect with a production company looking for brave stuntmen. There he would learn that science, technology and logistics play a huge role in making what seems deadly become survivable.

If he is really interested in doing what looks stupid, he should sign up for training and wise up on his high-risk survival skills. — SPS

Dear SPS: Several readers suggested a future in stunt work for this guy. Although I suspect he lacks the discipline, I love this idea.