Ask Amy: Experienced advice for Sad Mom
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Dear Amy: To “Sad Mom,” who was overwhelmed with love for her new baby, but not feeling any love for her toddler; more than 50 years ago I gave birth to three little girls within 2½ years. It was tough, even with two sets of loving grandparents nearby. There were days I never took off a flannel nightgown until dinnertime, when I was buried by mountains of diapers and baby clothes, stacks of dishes, a vacuum sitting in a corner and a load to put in the dryer downstairs.
My advice to Sad Mom is this: if there are any young teenagers (12 or older) in your neighborhood and you can afford to pay them for an hour or two a day two afternoons a week, right after school, hire them immediately to come and play/watch your kids while you go for a walk, take a shower or a bath, get a manicure, go grocery shopping, whatever you need to give yourself a break. It will be the best money you will ever spend. It will save your sanity, even your marriage.
If grandparents are nearby and willing, ask for their help.
You do not have to go through this alone. No money? Even if you and a neighbor trade kids for an afternoon, figure out a way to get help.
Your babies will be better off for it, and so will you. Been There
Dear Been There: Sage advice. Many people who responded to this situation noted how expensive child care is, but I completely agree with you that a “mother’s helper” or a neighborly trade-off will help.
Dear Amy: I just read this line in your column, responding to a person who was judging someone else very harshly:
“You should feel compassion toward someone who doesn’t have your expansive capacity.”
Amy, this brought tears to my eyes. This applies to so many different situations. Thank you. I’m going to remember this. A Fan
Dear Fan: Thank you.
I want you, and other readers, to know that over the many years of writing this column, my own compassion toward people with problems, large or petty, has expanded to fit the space.
This has been the most surprising impact of being an advice-giver: I may have many of the answers, but I still have problems and empathy for others who are also struggling.
