Ask Amy: Overseas lover pressures woman for quick marriage
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Dear Amy: I am in a long-distance relationship with a lovely man whom I met when we were in school.
After graduation, he had to return to his country of origin because he could not get a work visa.
He is unhappy with his work, and wants to quit, move here, marry me and work on getting his visa while I support him financially.
The problem is that I have two kids and a very low-paying job at the moment. I can’t support him, and he can’t work here without a visa.
I’m content to have each of us work at our respective careers until I can either actually support him financially, or until he reaches a point in whatever career he chooses that he can get a work visa here in his own right.
Is it reasonable that I don’t want to jeopardize my financial and career future when it feels like I might be enabling him to commit career suicide?
He has said that he might have to look for jobs in other countries, etc., and I understand this and support him in doing what he needs to do. The way I see it, if he gets a job in his chosen career path, it will make him more employable anywhere, including where I live.
I don’t want to be unsupportive, but I have finances and children to consider.
Does this sound reasonable? Wondering
Dear Wondering: Yep, you’re good. Your guy seems to be dangling the prospect of him moving here and entering into a convenient marriage while you support him, as if it were a shiny bauble, instead of a very heavy lift.
Your reaction and plan of action is prudent, reasonable and responsible. Stick with it.
