Relationships Talk

If you’re in a relationship, you’ve undoubtedly received unsolicited advice. Some of it’s been good, and some of it’s been bad. But hands-down, these nuggets of truly bad marriage advice that was given to these real brides might just be the worst out there. (We suggest you don’t take it.)

Never go to bed angry.

“Everyone seems to love this advice, but sometimes I think going to bed instead of arguing is a much better option. Especially if it’s after a long night out, or you’re completely exhausted and it’s taking a toll on your emotions and rationality. Sometimes it’s better to revisit a potential argument well rested and with a clear head than to head into battle late at night.” —Nicole

“At my bridal shower, guests were asked to write down a piece of marriage advice for me. My bridesmaids read them aloud as I opened gifts. There were about a dozen “don’t go to bed angry/mad” advice cards. And one funny-but-true piece of advice that said: ‘Don’t listen to the don’t go to bed angry advice … sometimes you just need to sleep that $h!t off!'” —Samantha

“The worst advice are those cliche statements that are not even realistic, like never fight (my future MIL actually wrote this), never go to bed angry, etc. I got so many of those on the advice cards at my bridal shower. It really annoyed me because it sets unrealistic expectations. I do think it’s important to keep an open line of communication and discuss your concerns or disagreements as soon as you can, but that doesn’t mean it all needs to be resolved in one night. Some issues can only be resolved after each person has had their own time to process and reflect, and you can’t always put your anger aside in an instant.” —Evelyn

Do whatever you need to do to stay married.

“I’ve heard that, ‘Marriage isn’t about being happy, it’s about being stable. Do whatever you need to so that you can stay married.’ But we are so fortunate to actually live in an era where people have the opportunity to choose a partner. I believe the only way to actually bring the divorce rate down is to focus on picking a highly compatible partner at the onset. So many people prioritize other things before their own happiness and they end up living a lackluster life with very few bursts of joy.” —Ashley

Train your husband like you would a puppy.

“The wife of my then-fiancé’s colleague told me, ‘It’s important that you train him just like you would a puppy. He should learn to obey you and respect your commands, or suffer the consequences. When puppies mess up they get their noses rubbed in it and thrown outside — they do not get your praise or attention.’ I thought she was joking, and laughed. But then she said, ‘I am not joking. My husband does what I want, or he sleeps on the couch and doesn’t get sex until I’m happy again.’ This advice was horrendous because relationships should be respectful and have equal participation as much as possible. Men are not dogs — despite our tendency to call them that! — and to me, sex is not a weapon.” —Paula

Stay together for the sake of your kids.

“The worst marriage advice I’ve received is, ‘stay together for the sake of your kids.’ I’ve heard it from family, I’ve read it in magazine and newspaper articles, and I’ve been to churches that convey that message as well. Sadly, that’s not a sound way to help a marriage or protect the children you love. Children subjected to a toxic, dysfunctional, abusive or in other ways wounded marriage lose the joy of childhood. They become instant adults who try to ‘fix, heal or remedy’ the broken relationship around them. It’s a no-win reality for children, and totally selfish for parents to subject them to this in childhood.” —Rosalind

Just agree with everything he says.

“I was told that you will fight all the time the first year of marriage, so you should just agree with everything he says. A friend gave this advice to me based on the reality of the first year of her marriage. But my mother always instilled in me the importance of my voice and my opinion. Just going with the flow is not my M.O. Agreeing with everything my husband says is very subservient and just not who I am as a person.” —Ariel

See more: 23 Pieces of the Best Marriage Advice EVER (Collected Over 13 Years)

Enjoy it now.

“Everyone told us it’s marriage, house, then kids so to enjoy our marriage early on. Newsflash, we’re enjoying it now more than ever and have the house with a kid on the way. Things don’t have to be in order, and there’s no happiness deadline.” —Christiana

Any unsolicited advice.

“If I wanted advice, I would ask.” —Jennifer