Relationships Talk

Be the happy family you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

You’ve found and fallen in love with the love of your life. You’ve dated, become engaged, and gotten married. And, then, because you’ve longed to make your duo into a trio, after some waiting, you now have a newborn baby!

What could possibly go wrong?

Even the strongest relationships are challenged during the transition to parenthood, which is why preparing yourselves with the marriage advice for new parents is critical if you want to safe-guard your marriage and stay in love.

Most new parents find themselves without time to talk or touch and are often sleep-deprived, irritable, and prone to snapping.

There is suddenly an exponential increase in tasks to complete. Often, first-time parents stress about financial concerns. Grandparents rush in to help, but sometimes, their help feels like interference — adding even more stress to your marriage.

Add to all of that, there may be some post-partum depression, health problems, and concerns for the well-being of your newborn. What if you just don’t know what you’re doing?

When perfectly competent adults become new parents, they can also face feelings of extreme confusion and overwhelm with a newborn baby — the stuff of sitcoms.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Baby-Proof Your Marriage (& Make It Stronger Than Ever)

Why is marriage so much harder after having a baby?

All of these factors add up and translate to a decline in marital satisfaction. According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage and co-founder of The Gottman Institue, as many as 67 percent of new parents experience conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings during this stage of marriage.

Their research also shows that the single highest predictor of marital adjustment after a baby arrives is the quality of friendship in the marriage.

These statistics prove that it is vitally important to prioritize your relationship, even after having a baby, and to remember that it is the foundation of your family. If it crumbles and falls, the kids go down with it.

Babies require a lot of time and attention, it’s true, but your relationship will need some as well to survive.

Based on John Gottman’s research, here are 4 relationship-saving pieces of marriage advice for new parents that will help make your transition into parenthood easier when you have a newborn baby.

1. Make sleep a priority.

Absolutely everything seems harder when we aren’t getting enough sleep. We are crankier, fight more, and exaggerate our feelings when tired. Try to nap as much as possible during the day even if you’ve never been a napper.

Resist the urge to stay up at night after the baby falls asleep. Those dishes and mail will wait until tomorrow. If you possibly can, work in shifts, taking turns with the baby.

Hire a night nurse if your baby has health needs or needs constant care. Even consider sleeping in separate rooms for a brief time if it helps you to get a better quality of sleep during the early months.

2. Remember to connect during four critical moments of the day.

Quite simply, this means greeting one another with a six-second kiss when you first wake up in the morning, when you part during the day, when you reunite after being apart, and before falling asleep. Just knowing the other is still there goes a long way in keeping you connected.

This is a time of diminished sexual activity, so keeping the affection alive is important.

RELATED: The Best Way For New Moms To Keep Their Marriages Happy And Healthy After The Baby Arrives

3. Express your gratitude.

You might be surprised how important gratitude is to the maintenance of your friendship with your spouse. Both of you are under varying degrees of stress with a new baby, but look what you’ve done! You’ve brought a new life into the world and each of you played a part.

It’s easy to grow resentful if you start comparing your contribution to his. Remember that each of you is struggling with your new role in different ways.

So appreciate their effort and express it lovingly. You can also use three-part appreciation to get your point across clearly: “I appreciate that … I appreciate it because … It makes me feel …”

4. Listen to one another.

People survive in isolation and thrive in connection. Don’t keep all of your feelings bottled up. Remember that the two of you are in this together.

You both could use a sounding board for what’s going on during this important transition from a family of two to a family of three. No need to try to fix the other’s woes. Just listen and empathize.

While this period of your relationship seems impossible at times, try to focus on the joy that it is. Just think how much easier it’ll be when you go from three to four!

Seriously, it does get easier as you get more comfortable with your roles and the baby starts to sleep. You’ll get into a rhythm and hopefully get back to your intimate connection. Just remember to stay friends along the way.

If you are experiencing serious cracks in your relationship, get help. There are many books, workshops, and therapists who can guide you through this transition.

RELATED: 11 Ways To Ensure Having A Baby Actually Strengthens Your Marriage

Mary Kay Cocharo is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California.

This article was originally published at Mary Kay Cocharo. Reprinted with permission from the author.

See Sen. John Kennedy’s marriage advice (beginning at 4:45):

A CNN interview with a Republican senator that touched on first lady Melania Trump’s public demand that a West Wing employee be fired presented the opportunity for a little marriage advice.

The network’s Erin Burnett asked Sen. John Kennedy, R-La., on Wednesday if he thought President Trump might have “felt blindsided” by the first lady’s use of the media to communicate her belief that Deputy National Security Adviser Mira Ricardel “no longer deserves the honor of serving in this White House.”

The senator said the president “shouldn’t feel like he’s bossed around,” and if he does, he should just shrug it off.

“I feel bossed around sometimes,” Kennedy said. “I love my wife to death, but in my marriage I can be right or I can be happy. I can’t be both.”

He told CNN he’s “happy to have my spouse weigh in when she sees me doing something wrong, and I suspect the president feels the same way about Mrs. Trump.”

“But all she did here, in my opinion, she just did publicly what other first ladies have done privately,” Kennedy said of the president.

A White House spokeswoman said Thursday, without elaborating, that Ricardel has left the White House “to transition to a new role within the administration.” The two were said to have feuded during a tour of Africa in October.

Four words

Talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh commented that when Nancy Reagan stood up for Ronald Reagan, “demanding that all kinds of people be fired,” people “tore into” her, contending she was overstepping her bounds.

“To which I asked, ‘Wait a minute. I thought we’re supposed to have a culture featuring strong women who are not gonna be silenced because of conventional wisdom saying that they can’t talk about things that only men can talk about.’ What is this?”

Furthermore, Limbaugh wondered “what is wrong with a woman defending her husband?”

As for Kennedy’s remark that a husband can’t be both right and happy, Limbaugh recalled an interview with Charlton Heston shortly after the legendary actor had celebrated the 50th anniversary of his marriage to his wife, Lydia.

Limbaugh wanted to know his secret.

Heston said, “Four words: Honey, I was wrong.”

The talk host wondered if Kennedy’s wife “gave him any grief when he got home.”

“Probably not,” Limbaugh said. “Great example of stereotypical humor that just skirts right over people’s heads.”

Thirty years into their marriage, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson still seem just as happy as the day they said “I do.” Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard continue to make us smile every time they describe their super sweet (yet completely realistic) relationship. And while Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell never officially made it down the aisle, 35 years together is enough to make us ask, “hey, what’s their secret?” Thankfully, as much as some stars open up about their struggles with breakups and divorce, plenty have also shared their advice for making a marriage — or even a long-term romance — work.

Some of the quotes about marriage success we’ve found are funny, with the key to success being something small and silly. Others are more serious and talk about overcoming struggles. All, however, are inspiring, and stuff we’ll at least try to remember the next time we argue with our significant other.

(Hey, we’ll take any good advice wherever we can get it!)

Thirty years into their marriage, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson still seem just as happy as the day they said “I do.” Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard continue to make us smile every time they describe their super sweet (yet completely realistic) relationship. And while Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell never officially made it down the aisle, 35 years together is enough to make us ask, “hey, what’s their secret?” Thankfully, as much as some stars open up about their struggles with breakups and divorce, plenty have also shared their advice for making a marriage — or even a long-term romance — work.

Some of the quotes about marriage success we’ve found are funny, with the key to success being something small and silly. Others are more serious and talk about overcoming struggles. All, however, are inspiring, and stuff we’ll at least try to remember the next time we argue with our significant other.

(Hey, we’ll take any good advice wherever we can get it!)