Relationships Talk

Getting married is easy is the easy part.

Are you getting married? Congratulations on your engagement! And now you are looking for marriage advice so you can prepare yourself. Good for you!

Married life doesn’t come with a manual (I wish it did). After the wedding vows have been said, the doves have been released, and the dress has been put in dry storage, comes marriage.

RELATED: 25 Pieces Of The Best Marriage Advice Ever (Collected Over 13 Years)

And as much as we would like to believe marriage is all happily ever after from there on out, it often isn’t.

But it can be. All couples need is some awareness and a willingness to act in order to have a good marriage, even as newlyweds.

Here are 5 pieces of marriage advice you need to know before your wedding day.

1. Keep communicating.

One of the most surprising things about many marriages is that, after a while, communication just stops.

Sure, there are a lot of logistical stuff to discuss — when we are coming home for dinner, where the kids’ soccer games are, and what time we are meeting the in-laws on Sunday. But real communication — expressing feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams and longings — often stop.

Marriage is a 24/7 commitment. During those days, and years, lots of issues can arise, issues that can be hurtful and cause resentment. Instead of being addressed immediately, feelings are often left unsaid. It can just seem too scary to go there — to share how we feel and not know what the response will be. So we don’t.

And then, before we know it, it’s easier to just not say anything, to do the dishes or spend longer at the office, doing anything to avoid difficult conversations. We do this assuming that the issues will be dealt with eventually (like after Christmas, after Memorial Day, or when the kids go off to college).

If you only take one thing away from this article, it’s this: Keep communicating. Your marriage and your life will be better if you do.

2. Have a lot of sex.

Newlyweds often laugh now at the prospect of no longer having sex with their partner. “That won’t be us,” they say. But it very well could be.

We know that anger and resentment can build in a marriage because of unexpressed feelings. For a woman, there is no better libido-killer than anger and resentment. And there is no better way to create anger and resentment in a man than the absence of sex.

Intimacy is key to maintaining closeness in marriage. Touching, kissing, feeling loved, and having orgasms are all a big part of this. A marriage without sex is simply a business arrangement.

So push past the anger and resentment and make love with your partner. Or, better yet, kill the anger and resentment with communication and happily make love every night. You will be glad you did, both in the moment and long term.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)

3. Remember to respect each other.

There is a concept called the “contempt of the familiar”. This contempt occurs when people get to know each other very well — too well perhaps. We know how the other person looks when flossing their teeth, how they leave their pants hanging on the door, how they slurp their coffee or that they fart in bed.

Perhaps at one time, you thought these things cute but now, as time has gone by, they drive you nuts. They might even repel you.

Mutual respect is a key to any successful marriage. Your partner’s mannerisms or ways of doing things might not jive with your own and this can lead to developing a dislike of who they are. And if you don’t like someone, it’s hard to respect them.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication? Tell your partner that something they are doing is making it difficult for you to be with them. Don’t just write them off as a lost cause, thinking, “If they loved me, they would do this differently.”

We are all human beings trying to do the best that we can and, if you are honest with yourself, you know that they aren’t doing any of those things to spite you. They just do them. And can change if asked. Nicely.

Give your partner a chance to keep your respect and allow them to keep respecting you in return. And sex is way better when you respect your partner, in case you didn’t know.

4. Don’t let your extended family get in the way of your new one.

No matter how old we are when we get married, we have many years of experience and tradition with our extended families. Holidays spent just so, toilet paper rolls that roll out on top instead of under, and sarcasm that is part of every family get together.

The extended family is wonderful and part of who we are but the priority now is the new family. The one we are creating with our partner.

Of course, it’s important to respect our family traditions, but if doing so is at the expense of the new relationship, it needs to be addressed. If the birthday tradition on one side is the whole family gathered and lots of gifts exchanged and the birthday tradition on the other side involves quietly celebrating with friends, then a conversation needs to be had.

Both sides of the family need to be told, respectfully, that while all family traditions are important, what is important now is how the new family wants to make their own traditions.

Compromises might need to be made, but it is important that both partners feel like their new life as a couple is their own.

5. Know that a baby is going to change everything.

Having a baby is so exciting. From “starting to try” to nine months of watching it grow, to baby showers and then childbirth, it’s all so wonderful and new and partners are bound closer than ever!

However, one of the most important things to know about marriage is that when the baby is born and all bets are off.

Just like when we get married, no one hands us a manual when we become parents. This means that from day one we are flying by the seat of our pants.

Women most often immediately change their focus from their husband to their child. Men are left wondering what happened to their life. Yes, the child is delightful, but dinners together, time with friends, free time for athletics, are all suddenly gone (not to mention the sex).

It’s important to be aware that the baby is going to change everything and to prepare and allow for it. Know that everyone is going to be exhausted and that things are going to be messy.The next 18 years are going to be an evolution — and a revolution — like you’ve never been through before.

Commit to making it through those years together. Communicate like you did when you were first married, perhaps even more so, have as much sex as you can squeeze into your week and continue to love and respect each other, even as life gets challenging.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

As you do with anything you haven’t done before, researching things to know about marriage before your own starts is very important!

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for five. I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what went wrong in my marriage.

What I do know is that we, as a couple, got lost in our family. We gave up who we were to please everyone else: our kids, our in-laws, and our friends. We stopped looking at each other with love, talking about our feelings, hugging each other, respecting each other. We were business partners. Our family was a successful business, but our marriage fell apart.

I am madly in love with a new man now, one I very much hope to marry. And believe me, I won’t make the same mistakes twice.

Marriage is truly a wondrous thing and can be a big part of living the life of your dreams.

RELATED: 10 Realistic Pieces Of Marriage Advice That Actually Work

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate whose writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. She works all kinds of people to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live, so email her now to get started.

This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.

ST. LOUIS, Mo. — Wedding season is right around the corner.
When planning a wedding, big or small, the Better Business Bureau wants you to choose vendors wisely. They can help by providing valuable information on wedding vendors, from caterers and florists to musicians and photographers.

 It’s every bride’s dream to turn heads on her wedding day, and it might take more than an elegant wedding gown and a face full of make-up to do that. Pre-wedding beauty tips will help you achieve that glow even without make-up.

Every bride deserves to be feel confident that she looks good while she walks down the aisle. So, here are some pre-wedding beauty tips to help:

Start on time

We cannot overemphasise timing. A bride who starts planning early is more likely to have more things under control than the last-minute bride. So, start the journey to a flawless skin early bearing in mind that it can’t happen overnight.

(Photo: Pinterest via modern contemporary weddings)

Stay fit

This isn’t a matter of weight or size. Being fit means being healthy and comfortable in your skin. You can start a pre-wedding workout routine that is efficient but isn’t too strenuous.

(Photo: Black Girl Inspiration)

Suitable moisturiser

Different moisturisers are designed for different skin types. Don’t be tempted to buy a moisturiser because it was good on your friend’s skin. If you’re in doubt, stick to the one that has been working for you. If you don’t have one, you can visit a beautician to assist you. Moisturised skin is healthy skin.

(Photo: adorebeauty)

Stay hydrated

Water saves lives, and so do fruits. Try and drink enough water, as efficiently as you can. Another way to stay hydrated is to take fruits, especially the water-based ones; you get the nutrients and get the water too.

(Photo: Black Girl Health)

Start testing cosmetics

To avoid stores that touch, if you’re starting this routine early enough, you can test out new cosmetics that you think are safe. As you start testing, you have to be observant about any changes and decide if you need to continue or stop.

(Photo: DiscoverNight)

De-stress

Finding a way to relieve stress is another pre-wedding beauty tip that will help. Stress is almost inevitable so the best thing is to find a way to deal. It can be through adequate rest or adequate sleep or spending time with loved ones.

(Photo: HuffPost)

Stay prepared

Emergencies can come in all shapes and sizes. Some come as zits, some come as pimples, some come as irritations. The best way to deal is to have a handy kit and enough information to take care of any beauty emergency that may come your way.

(Photo: The Kitchen McCabe)

Now you have your flawless skin all sorted out, here are some things to consider before choosing your bridesmaids dresses.

Featured image: Pinterest via Amanda Dilima Wedding.

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A lot of planning — and cash — goes into making your wedding day perfect.

If you’re like most couples, your photographer takes up a good chunk of your budget. If you want to get the most out of that money, here are a few tips from local photographers on how to make most of your time with them on your big day.

Tiffany Holmes, Tiffany Holmes Photography

Delegate, delegate, delegate

“Put the responsibility on someone else. I had one bride who didn’t even have her cell phone the day she got married and her maid of honor took care of everything, and she was able to just enjoy it. So that definitely would be something I would say is important: Always make sure you have someone who’s willing to step up and take that responsibility so that you don’t have to and you can enjoy your day.”

Holmes is based in Gainesville and has been in the wedding photography business for almost two years.

Carrie Brookshire, Carrie Jean Photography

Over-communication is OK

“Keeping the photographer in the loop on the timeline of the day. I actually have my clients fill out a timeline of what their day is supposed to look like so I know exactly where they’re going to be at what time and where I should be so I don’t miss anything … keeping photographers in the loop on when things are going to happen throughout the day is key.”

Brookshire is based in Gainesville and has been in the wedding photography business for about 10 years.

Haley Henderson, Haley Henderson Photography

Focus on yourself

“I feel like what couples have been doing, especially recently, is focusing on their guests more than themselves. I feel like they put the emphasis so much on what everybody else thinks and making sure everybody else is happy, and especially when you go to plan your pictures. A lot of people are doing first looks and things like that, and they’re telling me it’s because they don’t want their guests to wait, they want to make sure everybody’s happy the entire time. I feel like it shouldn’t be as important to make sure your guests are happy, because they’re there to see you happy.”

Henderson is based in Cleveland and has been in the wedding photography business for about three years.

Lisa Wilson, Lisa Michele Photography

Lists make everyone’s life easier

“Have a checklist so that you don’t miss something you want and wish later you would have gotten. Always bring that to their attention, like if someone is coming from out of state, have that list ready so they don’t get overlooked on the day of because it’s chaos.”

Wilson is based in Winder and has been in the wedding photography business for about three years.

Regina Patterson, Regina Patterson Photography

Photographers know best

“Listen to their plan for your day … Normally, I like to have everyone ready to be photographed three hours before, because guests, despite anything you do, will start arriving an hour before the wedding. So that really only gives you two hours, because you need to have everyone out of sight before your guests arrive. And a lot of people, it’s hard for them to understand why you need that much time, but you do. You need every minute of it. So I would suggest really listening to what your photographer says. Because they’re the professional, they’ve done it countless times … we’ve gone through every scenario, so we’ve kind of worked out the bugs, and it’s just better to listen sometimes.”

Patterson is based in Gainesville and has been in the wedding photography business for almost nine years.

You can find these photographers at the Gainesville Bridal Expo on Sunday, Jan. 27.