Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
People care more about career and travel over marriage, kids – Ladders
Retirement may feel light years away, but it’ll be here before we know it. Now’s the time to focus on what really matters in life so that, come retirement, we can feel fulfilled and have no regrets. But what does that look like exactly? According to a new study, millennials and generation X are focusing on successful careers and travel experiences.
Travel And Career Top The List
The recent study from Flash Pack, a group travel company for solo travelers in their 30s and 40s, found that traveling the world topped the list of must-dos among people between the ages of 30 and 49. Respondents said traveling was more important to them than marriage, having children and owning a home.
Of the 1,000 respondents, 54 percent said that they’d rather invest in experiences than save for a house, and 44 percent said they want to have amazing experiences before getting married or having children.
Even more, 84 percent said they would totally spend $4,000 on a trip of a lifetime, yet 66 percent said they’d think twice about spending the average $33,391 on a wedding.
And while so many people enjoy traveling with friends or loved ones, 62 percent of respondents said that they’ve considered booking a solo trip or have already traveled alone in the last year.
For those millennials and generation Xers who also want a very successful career, many said it was a top priority before other life events. Forty-three percent of respondents said they’d like to advance in their career before getting married and having children. In fact, respondents said that having a dream profession is a goal that’s three times more desirable than having children.
Retirement May Not Be Everything Anymore
While the study looked at what matters most right now, it also asked respondents about their future. Eighty percent of respondents said that seeing aging family members with ailments and restrictions makes them want to live more right now and even spend their retirement funds sooner than later.
Travel is a higher priority than other life events, and it may be because 88 percent of respondents said they fear that they may not be able to travel in retirement. Fifty-five percent said they worry that they may not have enough money, while 53 percent said they’re nervous that they won’t be healthy enough to travel once retired.
Flash Pack’s study and the No More Not Yets campaign may show how people from ages 30 to 49 are focusing less on saving for the future than spending on experiences right now, but it’s important to remember to keep saving money. Even though retirement is in the distant future and that trip to Thailand can happen this year, don’t give up on saving for your future goals.
There are ways to travel on a budget, have a successful career and still achieve marriage, kids and homeownership if that’s what you desire. It’s all doable, and you can thrive in multiple parts of your life with a little bit of strategy. Just stay focused — you can have everything you want in life and more.
Beauden Barrett wedding: stars come out for All Black's Rakino Island wedding – Stuff.co.nz
FILE
Beauden Barrett has tied the knot with his bride Hannah Laity at Hurakia Lodge on Rakino Island (composite file photo).
Beauden Barrett and his bride, 24-year-old Hannah Laity have wed on Rakino Island.
A local resident told Stuff helicopters had been flying in all afternoon, and that the luxury Hurakia Lodge, believed to be the venue, was an “excellent” site.
Resident Colin Maclaren said the lodge held only a few weddings a year. The wedding appeared to be common knowledge among locals.
Hurakia Island is a more secluded destination than neighbouring Waiheke, with just a handful of residents and no major shops or restaurants.
READ MORE
*Meet Barrett’s bride-to-be
*Barrett tees off on golf course before wedding
*Beauden Barrett set for wedding
*Codie Taylor marries sweetheart
*Meet Hannah Laity, Beauden’s soon to be wife
The lodge charges up $45,000 for a wedding of 130 guests which includes a “dramatic” helicopter entrance for the bride and groom, and a ferry charter for guests. It also includes a night for the happy couple in the “grand master suite”.
A menu from the wedding showed the guests would be sipping on Moet champagne, Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, or Otago Pinot Noir, and Heineken or Tiger beer.
Do you know more? Send your wedding tips to newstips@stuff.co.nz.
The much anticipated vows followed a day of sports star spotting on Waiheke Island.
In an Instagram story, Hanna Tevita – girlfriend of All Black Nehe Milner-Skudder – posted a video of what looks like Laity’s bridesmaids looking relaxed while make-up artists gets them ready for the big event.
All Black Israel Dagg posted on Instagram he was “wedding ready” along with wife Daisy and another friend.
The exclusive Hurakia Lodge on Rakino Island, in the Hauraki Gulf, is just 5 minutes from Auckland by helicopter, but seems a world away.
Earlier today All Blacks lock Sam Whitelock was spotted on Waiheke Island.
In an Instagram post by businessman Sir Peter Leitch, Whitelock was snapped on the island after a Saturday morning kayak.
Laity had her hens’ do on the Waiheke Island last weekend, fuelling speculation the big day would also be held there.
Fatima Savea, wife of former All Black and Hurricanes wing Julian Savea, on Saturday morning posted a story to on her Instagram account of her getting her hair done in Takapuna.
Hannah Peters
Barrett and Laity announced their engagement on social media last year.
All Black Israel Dagg and wife Daisy Dagg arrived in Auckland on Thursday.
In the lead up to their wedding day, Barrett has played golf with Kiwi US Open winner Michael Campbell and a bunch of mates.
Barrett and friends got out the golf clubs at the exclusive Kauri Cliffs golf course in the Bay of Islands, taking photos of the fun after Laity has posted photos on social media of her catching up with friends at one of the pre-wedding occasions.
HANNA TEVITA/INSTAGRAM
Hanna Tevita – girlfriend of All Black Nehe Milner-Skudder – posted pictures on her Instagram story of what appears to be Hannah Laity’s bridesmaids getting ready for the wedding.
Barrett and Laity announced their engagement on social media last year, after Barrett popped the question at the Tokoriki Island Resort in Fiji.
Laity is a chartered accountant and has a large social media following, which she uses for influencing and boosting products to the public.
IZZY_DAGG/INSTAGRAM
Israel and Daisy Dagg get ready for Beauden Barrett’s wedding.
Stuff
Wedding planning is driving close mom, daughter apart – Brunswick News
Dear Abby:
My 38-year-old daughter is being married this summer. This is her first marriage, and we are planning the wedding. She has never planned a big event like this before, and every suggestion I make gets us into a fight. I know it’s upsetting her terribly, and it’s upsetting me as well.
We have always been close. I understand it’s her wedding, but I would like some input since my husband and I are paying for it, and there are certain traditions I would like continued. Also, every time I suggest inviting someone, her reaction is, “… I don’t know. They’re your friends, not mine.” Well, I would like my friends to share this moment in my daughter’s life. What’s the solution here?
— Fighting In
Pennsylvania
Dear Fighting: You may be a “traditional” mother, but customs have changed since you were a bride. Among them is the fact that women your daughter’s age usually pay for their own weddings, which entitles them to run their own show. I think the solution to your problem may involve suggesting that to your daughter. If you are footing the bill for the “show,” you should absolutely have some say about the production, and your daughter should be mature enough to accept it — along with the check — or finance it herself.
Dear Abby: My son is 24 and in the military. He has always been sarcastic, and his humor always involves cutting the other person down. I think it can be part of the culture in the military, which has made it worse. I thought as he matured he would mellow. It wears you down and becomes exhausting after a while.
I’m afraid he’ll never be able to find and keep a girlfriend if he keeps acting this way. The “humor” quickly wears thin, and no one wants to be spoken to like that.
When girls start dating, most of them are taught to watch how a guy treats his mother and sisters because that’s how he’ll treat her eventually. If a girlfriend of his heard how he speaks to me and his sisters, they would run. Nice girls want nice guys, who speak kindly. How do I talk to him about this, or should I just keep my mouth shut?
— Exhausted In
Dear Exhausted: Not only should you not stay silent, recognize that you should have insisted your son treat you and his sisters with respect and consideration by the age of 10. While that message may be harder to impress upon him at this late date, have that discussion with him now, and point out what an unattractive personality trait he’s displaying. If you want to couch it in terms of how it will affect his love life, by all means do. No woman with self-esteem would tolerate what he’s doing for long because it’s verbal abuse.
Dear Abby: My daughter’s ex-husband allowed his 5-year-old son to sleep with his girlfriend’s 6-year-old daughter during a weekend visit. What do you think of this?
— Concerned
Grandmother
Dear Concerned: Not knowing either child, I hesitate to venture an opinion. Their parents are in a better position to decide something like this, so it may be a subject to raise with them if you haven’t already.
Cheating hurts, especially after the break-up – Detroit Free Press
Dear Amy: I cheated with someone who was also cheating on his partner. I left my partner; he stayed with his. I went to great lengths to change my life for him. He did not.
I got worn out by the wait (four years) and couldn’t take the emotional pain. Six months ago, I ended the relationship.
I am in therapy, which has helped me. I’m trying to learn how to love myself again.
I do not contact this person anymore. I avoid seeing him.
Sometimes, I’m overwhelmed by thoughts of him, especially if we run into each other (we work at the same place).
When this happens, I instantly feel uncomfortable and want to flee. The hurt feelings can be paralyzing. It can take days to recover.
I believe I’m doing the right thing by keeping my distance, but how much longer do I have to cope with these “after” feelings – or is this just part of the healing process?
The only person I can talk to is my therapist – no one else knows.
I have no trusted friends. I want to get my self-worth and self-respect back. I’m trying to take responsibility for my behavior.
Can you give me some insight?
– Searching
Dear Searching: You are doing everything you should be doing, and as far as I can tell, six months out, your recovery from this failed four-year relationship is fairly on track.
You aren’t seeing him, contacting him or seeking him out.
You are seeing a therapist.
Read more:
When you run into him, you experience “fight or flight,” and then struggle to recover.
But where are your friends? Perhaps engaging in this long-term illicit relationship walled you off from healthier, intimate friendships. This is an area where you should be brave and expansive. Every positive encounter with a friend (or potential friend) will boost your immunity to bad romances.
Dear Amy: My husband and I always host my in-laws for the holidays. Every year, my mother-in-law comes in and immediately starts cleaning: vacuuming, dusting, mopping, etc. She has very high standards and insists she can only be in a spotless home.
Amy, we keep a clean house. This year my husband and I both took the day off before their visit so we could clean all day.
I was proud of how our home looked when we were finished. However, after we finished our big holiday dinner and had done the dishes and put everything away, she went back into the kitchen and cleaned for another two hours while everyone else spent the evening together.
My husband says that’s “just how she is” and that we should just let her clean to her heart’s content. I feel embarrassed that I can never live up to her standards. I’ve urged her many times to relax and enjoy herself, but she refuses to stop.
After she is finished, she will pull me into whatever room she has cleaned to show me how much better it looks.
It seems like this will continue for years. How can I get over my hurt and just let my mother-in-law do what she wants?
– Clean Enough
Dear Clean: Maybe you should stop trying so hard. If your MIL is going to clean anyway – go ahead and give her something to clean. You could also avoid this by going to her home for the holidays.
But to me, her cleaning seems less like a choice and more like a compulsion. Avoiding family time in order to obsessively clean an already clean space could be a sign that all is not well with her. She is obviously hyper-controlling (as well as being hypo-allergenic). But if you approach this as if she is self-medicating her own anxieties, it might help you to feel less inadequate.
When she parades you into the spotless space, don’t feed her compulsion. Say, “I understand that you enjoy doing this. But I hope you are ready to join us now?”
And then send her to my house.
Dear Amy: “Rap-attacked Dad” wanted to restrict his son’s exposure to violent rap music. I literally couldn’t believe my ears when you responded that he should accept this misogynist and disgusting nonsense.
– Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: I didn’t say he should accept it. I did say that, rather than refuse it across the board, he should engage with his son, listen, discuss and be honest about it.
I also suggested that he and his son should check out artists whose beats are sound but the lyrics aren’t offensive. There are many.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMYamydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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