Relationships Talk

Q: We live in Texas and have no children. Everything we own is community property acquired during our 25 years of marriage, and the assets we do have wouldn’t turn any heads. Is it necessary to have a will? If one of us dies, won’t everything we have automatically go to the other? Will there be any legal road bumps without a will?

A: You should definitely have a will.

What occurs when one of you dies depends on the types of assets you own. You didn’t mention whether you own any real estate, but if you do, then having a will would be useful if there is a need to put the property into the name of the surviving spouse.

Also, if you have any accounts that are not survivorship accounts, or other investments that are not payable to the surviving spouse, then a will would make it easy to get those assets into the name of the surviving spouse.

The main reason you both should have wills is because of what happens after you both have died. Keep in mind, the two of you might die together in a common occurrence. Or one of you might die, and the survivor might never get around to signing a will.

Without a will, you will be leaving the disposition of your assets up to Texas law, with your property passing to those who are considered to be your next of kin by statute. Often, these are not the people you would want inheriting your estate.

Q: I assisted my mother-in-law through probate after the death of my father-in-law. We were able to obtain letters testamentary with the assistance of the military legal office. She resides in their house, and the deed is still in both their names. She plans to live in the house for as long as she can. Since we don’t anticipate that she will sell the house, is it necessary for her to change the deed to her name only?

A: Your father-in-law’s will serves as a deed that transfers his half ownership interest in the house to your mother-in-law.

Many lawyers would have prepared an executor’s deed in conjunction with the probate, but in your mother-in-law’s situation, it probably was not necessary. When your mother-in-law decides to sell the house, a title company will have no trouble checking the probate records to determine that your mother is the sole owner of the home.

If she wants, your mother-in-law can have the property tax records changed to reflect that she is the sole owner. For instance, in Harris County she would use Harris County Appraisal District Form 2525(b), available at hcad.org. She would need to check the box to indicate there is a new owner, and she would need to attach copies of the will and the order admitting the will to probate.

The information in this column is intended to provide a general understanding of the law, not legal advice. Readers with legal problems, including those whose questions are addressed here, should consult attorneys for advice on their particular circumstances.

Lipman of the Houston law firm Lipman & Associates is board-certified in estate planning and probate law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization. Email questions to stateyourcase@lipmanpc.com.

There’s never been a shortage of dating advice from family, friends and self-help authors. Yet in the digital age, people are turning to nerdy hacker-types as guides.

At first, they might seem like an odd source of romantic advice, but think again: Computer programmers created the systems of quizzes, swipes and algorithms that millions rely on for matchmaking. Who better to explain how to make the most of these digital tools?

This new approach to dating takes advantage of the power of data. “Quantitative futurist” Amy Webb, for instance, created a handful of fake accounts depicting the types of men she wanted to marry and learned what her highly-rated competitors’ profiles looked like. After applying these insights to her own profile, she became the most popular woman on JDate, an online dating site for Jewish people. Mathematician Christopher McKinlay similarly hacked his profile on OkCupid and crawled thousands of profiles to identify the clusters of women he most wanted to target.

With hundreds of candidates in hand, both had to then filter the field: Webb created a sophisticated spreadsheet, and McKinlay went on 88 dates. In the end, each found a spouse.

All of this is part of a new approach to life, as a thing to be hacked and optimized by way of a quantified self.

People track what they eat, the hours they work, the items they own and countless other details, hoping to experience better health, improved productivity and greater contentment. However, in my forthcoming book, “Hacking Life: Systematized Living and its Discontents,” I reveal how the quest for the optimum path can lead you astray. In the case of dating, trying to optimize can be foolishly naive and misunderstand the nature of the task.

Counting on love

Consider the case of former software engineer Valerie Aurora, who in 2015 returned to the dispiriting task of online dating. This time, she hoped she might make the experience palatable, fun even, by hacking dating. Inspired by Webb, Aurora developed a spreadsheet for ranking candidates with positive and negative attributes, including flaws that were so bad they were “dealbreakers.”

Love is grown, not found. LilKar/Shutterstock.com

However, with experience, Aurora realized that she had been too inflexible about dealbreakers. She wrote, “I am now in a happy relationship with someone who had six of what I labeled ‘dealbreakers’ when we met. And if he hadn’t been interested in working those issues out with me, we would not be dating today. But he was, and working together we managed to resolve all six of them to our mutual satisfaction.”

It is a mistake to believe that an ideal match is somewhere out there, just waiting to be rated and ranked. Instead, people invest and grow in their relationship. A good match can be found, but psychology research suggests a good relationship is made.

Searching far and wide

Taking a data-centric approach can also lead to a never-ending search. Technology entrepreneur Sebastian Stadil went on 150 dates in four months – more than one a day! At the end, he wrote, “I still believe technology can hack love, though that belief is likely irrational.” He confessed that “having more matches increased my odds of finding someone interesting, but it also became an addiction. The possibility of meeting that many people made me want to meet every one of them, to make sure I wouldn’t miss the One.”

It’s a paradox of choice in the digital age: A better match could be just one more date – and data-point – away. Hackers who know their computer science recognize this as the puzzle of “optimal stopping,” which seeks to determine how long someone should hold out for a better option.

There is no perfect solution, but there is a reasonable formula: Figure out your parameters, like how soon you want to be in a relationship and how many dates you want to go on in search of the right person. Say you’ve given yourself a year and 100 dates – two a week. The math says you should go on dates with 37 percent of them without committing, and then – after the 37th person and about four and a half months – pursue the first person who’s better than all the others you’ve met.

Of course, this still assumes that the problem of starting a relationship is a matter of quantity, measurement and optimization. Aurora’s experience suggests that making a match is as much about interpersonal negotiation as it is about data and analysis.

Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon cosy up on the red carpet as they celebrate her new series Girls Weekend at Sundance Film Festival

By

Lisa Mcloughlin For Mailonline

Published:
03:48 EST, 28 January 2019

|
Updated:
09:22 EST, 28 January 2019

They celebrated 30 years of marriage in September. 

Kyra Sedgwick, 53, and husband Kevin Bacon, 60, looked happier than ever as they attended a brunch celebrating her new TV series Girls Weekend on Sunday in Park City, Utah 

Edge of Seventeen actress Kyra looked sensational in a semi-sheer leopard print blouse at the event, which was hosted by Vulture and her company Big Swing Productions. 

Picture perfect: Kyra Sedgwick, 53, and husband Kevin Bacon, 60, looked happier than ever as they attended a brunch celebrating her new TV series Girls Weekend on Sunday in Park City, Utah

The film star teamed her statement top with a pair of high-waisted wide-leg denims as they celebrated her going behind the camera to direct the quirky new series.

Kyra completed the look with a tan-coloured leather brogue and worked her blonde locks into a voluminous curl.

She accentuated her radiant complexion with a natural beauty look and slick of nude lipstick. 

Complementing his other half, Kevin combated the chilly Utah temperatures with a black jacket, long-sleeved T-shirt and scarf. 

Walk on the wild side: Edge of Seventeen actress Kyra looked sensational in a semi-sheer leopard print blouse at the event, which was hosted by Vulture and Big Swing Productions

Getting chic done: The film star teamed her statement top with a pair of high-waisted wide-leg denims that highlighted her petite frame

He continued his low-key look with a pair of grey jeans and black leather boots while he and wife Kyra stopped for photos. 

In September, the couple marked 30 years of marriage with a heartwarming social media post, which saw them both serenading each other through music.  

Kevin and Kyra have acted together on several projects over the years like Murder in the First and The Woodsman. 

However, the pair met on the set of the PBS adaptation of the play Lemon Sky. They wed on September 4, 1988 and have two adult children together, Travis, 29, and Sosie, 26. 

Posing up a storm: (L-R) Kyra posed with her Big Swing Production producers Meredith Bagby and Valerie Stadler

Warming up: Complementing his other half, Kevin combated the chilly Utah temperatures with a black jacket, long-sleeved T-shirt and scarf

Support: The couple’s son Travis, 29, attended the celebration, dressed all in black

Sosie is following into the family business and currently stars as Skye Miller in the hit Netflix teenage drama 13 Reasons Why.

The Bacon’s decades long marriage is something of a miracle in Hollywood and their romance hasn’t always been easy.   

The couple is frequently asked by reporters for advice on the secret to sustaining a long term marriage. 

However, on multiple occasions they’ve each divulged that their best tip is not to take marriage advice from celebrities.

Chit chat: Kevin chatted to fellow attendees inside the venue