Relationships Talk

It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you’ve ever used a dating app, you’ve also taken a screenshot of a particularly noteworthy profile to text to your friends. Betches’ new dating app Ship takes that idea to a whole new level: It adds a social twist to the typical dating app experience by allowing users to swipe alongside a “crew” of their friends, and discuss profiles and matches in a group chat. The app launched on Tuesday, Jan. 22 in partnership with dating giant Match (parent company to Match.com, Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, and more).

When new users download the app, they select if they are currently single or in a relationship. Each option leads to a different interface. If you’re single, you can swipe for yourself — like you might on any other dating app — or invite a group of friends to join you. If you’re in a relationship, you can swipe as part of your single friends’ crews, but you cannot swipe for yourself.

Last month, a Betches blog post revealing their plans to launch a dating app began on a sharp note: “Dating sucks,” the post announced. The Betches co-founders Aleen Kuperman, Samantha Fishbein, and Jordana Abraham, all 29, tell Elite Daily that Ship aims to suck the suckiness out of modern dating by lowering the stakes and infusing the process with a friendly, supportive spirit.

Betches Media

“Part of the reason that swiping can be exhausting is because it feels every swipe or every match, if it doesn’t materialize into what you want, it’s a big disappointment,” Abraham tells Elite Daily. “But if that’s not the first priority that’s in your head, and your priority is just kind of enjoying it, it lowers the stakes and becomes less disappointing if it doesn’t go well.”

“When you’re disappointed on most dating apps, there’s nothing to build you back up,” Fishbein adds. “But when you’re with your friends, they’re not going to be like, ‘Well, now you’ll never find someone.’”

Each single user’s profile is pretty standard if you’re familiar with dating apps; there’s space to add up to six photos, a bio, and your school and workplace. Users can also select what they’re looking for (options include “a relationship,” “something casual,” “new friends,” and “don’t know yet”), as well as more playful elements, like their zodiac sign.

Betches Media

The app’s celebration of friendship is refreshing, according to some early users. “I love the premise and think it’s super fitting for my friend group (we’re all very involved in each other’s lives in every way, including our love lives). I honestly wish it existed when I was single,” Candice, 25, tells Elite Daily. “It’s the closest thing I have to being on dating apps again, which is very fun for me! And I also genuinely want to help my friends find nice dudes.”

Sarah, 24, tells Elite Daily that she wonders if her friends know her type better than she does. “I love the idea of having my friends weigh in on my dating life,” she says. “The only thing I’d worry about is that they wouldn’t get my ‘type’ exactly right — but they mostly know me well enough to be able to select the type of guy I’d be into. I’m curious if they might actually have a better eye than me!”

But not everyone is sold on Ship’s purpose. “When it comes to who I swipe on, that’s really not something I look for advice on,” Veronica, 24, tells Elite Daily. “I usually would seek advice from friends when it comes to relationship things, like going on dates, texting, and intimacy. But when it comes to who I’m going to swipe right or left on, I don’t really care what my friends have to say.”

Betches Media

Hannah, 23, is also skeptical. “I’ve actually had my best friend take over my Tinder and we are like… best friends, and I wasn’t into a single person she matched with for me,” she tells Elite Daily. “I don’t think I would [like Ship] because I doubt that [my friends] would know who I would be interested in.”

Ship is not the first dating app to attempt this concept. In 2017, Hinge released an app called Matchmaker, which gave users the chance to set up their single Facebook friends. It was later pulled from the App Store; a representative for Hinge declined to comment.

The Betches co-founders tell Elite Daily that Ship will find more solid footing in the dating app market due to its in-app chat functionality, which Matchmaker lacked, and a more focused marketing strategy.

“We are leading with this [group chat feature] and it’s the central purpose of the app,” Kuperman says. “Whereas Hinge branded itself first as matching with people who were mutual friends.”

Furthermore, the app could benefit from being more inclusive. Currently, the only gender options are “female” and “male.” The app does not allow coupled-up users to swipe on their own behalf, which limits people in open relationships.

Ship is an appealing concept in theory, but only time will tell if it hooks people in practice. Regardless of what happens, the Betches co-founders believe firmly in the transformative power of setting up your friends. Abraham herself says she was introduced to her boyfriend by her friend’s boyfriend.

“If someone is single and looking for a relationship, and you set them up with someone they really hit it off with, then you’ve created so much happiness for those people,” she says. That’s an idea that’s easy to ship.

Rejection and online dating

In a love relationship, everything is not so simple. It would be nice if things were going like in a fairy tale: you find a beautiful woman, offer her to make the acquaintance, and she agrees.

However, life is much more complicated. Girls often refuse acquaintance, and such a rejection can break a guy, especially if he is not self-confident and he has low self-esteem.

Rejection in itself is a severe test for most men. It becomes an insurmountable barrier to mastering the art of seduction.

Therefore, as soon as you learn to cope with rejection, everything will fall into place: self-confidence, positive mood, and attitude to life.

And so, there are 7 tips on how to deal with dating site rejection.

1. Don’t criticize yourself

If a girl refused you, she did so not because you were bad but because she did not want to get acquainted with you.

Why are you worried? Do you care? This girl is nobody to you; respectively, you should not care what she feels and thinks about you.

2. Be persistent

There is another very important point on the issue of female refusals. In fact, some rejections are not a decision of a woman not to communicate with you but a test.

It is usually done by much more women than you think. She tests your self-confidence, perseverance, endurance, willpower, and all the qualities that she wants to see in her life partner.

If you demonstrate these qualities, then the majority of women who refused you for the first time will substitute mercy for the anger, and your chances will increase. Be persistent, and you will have women.

3. Stay calm

After rejection on a ladies dating site, guys most often make the same mistake: they begin to swear and insult the girl.

This is a kind of resentment because it is really difficult and painful to meet with a refusal.

However, the practice has shown that some girls change their minds after rejection. To achieve it, you need to show your self-confidence and indifference.

As soon as a girl refused you, tell her the following phrase, “Well, it’s okay, thank you for the answer.”

Thus, you make it clear to the girl that her rejection to get acquainted with you have not thrown you out of your stride, and you are still a self-confident and strong guy.

Every woman needs such a man! Therefore, remember that you should always behave calmly, even if a girl refuses to get acquainted and start communicating with you. After all, it is just a game of chance.

4. Do not consider yourself a bad person

Rejection on a dating site is not an indication that you are a bad person. Stop thinking amiss about yourself just because you are refused.

A girl may have a thousand reasons for doing this. These reasons do not mean that you are bad. You just need to find another “victim” for dating, a person who can love you as you are.

5. Stay positive

Your success in attracting women is outlined as follows: try to find the positive aspects of rejection and take an optimist look at the future.

Take a lesson from it. In other words, every time you get a refusal, you gain new experience and become one step closer to your goal.

6. Be creative

A rejection to communicate on a dating site is much less annoying than refusal in person. But still, you recognize that a girl has read your message and even looked through your profile, but if this woman does not respond, then she is not interested in you.

You should do your best to make your profile page as informative and interesting as possible: try to post photos of high-quality, fill out some information about yourself, and be online more frequently. If you feel that you have found the right person, ask her to go out on a date in a club or cafe (if you live in the same city). The key point is: do not be afraid to make the first step, women are waiting for it.

7. Do not give up

The advantage of online dating services is that there are a lot of lonely people in one place. However, it is also a disadvantage. Such a big choice; everything happens very quickly!

You can get ten failures in a row just in a week, and it is clear that you will appeal to the eleventh girl without much enthusiasm and be unconvincing in your courtship.

But come on! Do not be so wimpy! Firstly, keep looking for love and try to get acquainted with a girl.

Secondly, when studying women’s’ questionnaires, pay attention not to photos and physical parameters but to similar interests and coincidences in the biography.

Bonus

Spend time with people who love you

If you feel small and rejected, talk to people who care about you. Spend the night with family or a friend who can inspire you to new achievements.

So you remember your virtues and realize that your life does not consist of just failures and rejections, as there are a lot of wonderful moments and people who are happy to spend time with you.

Use these tips and never mind dating site rejections. Be able to see the good in everything and look at life philosophically. We wish you success in attraction!

I recently received this poignant question from a former client of mine. I appreciated how he allowed himself to express his feelings and thought it might be applicable to other readers. Below his message is my advice:

Hey Erika,

I’ve been feeling really depressed about dating recently. This past weekend was my mom’s birthday, and my sisters brought their boyfriends over. I felt like a total seventh wheel (my dad was there too, of course), and even worse, my mom told me afterwards that it was “obvious” that I was bothered by being the only single person there and that I should consider the impact my emotions have on others (she was concerned about a thirty-second period where I acted morose following intense discussions of my sisters’ and their partners’ future together). Two of my best female friends also got engaged in the past week. In addition, the dates I’ve been going on have been pretty awful — either I just don’t like the person, or they act like they’re into me and then ghost me later. All this has left me feeling like I’m really behind my peers and where I want to be when it comes to finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

The biggest thing I’m struggling with right now is this feeling that I have no idea what works or what I need to do to meet someone. I do feel like I’ve made progress because I am going on many more dates now, but I haven’t gotten a second date in almost two years. I’m really scared that I’m going to wake up one day and my options will be either settle down with someone who isn’t what I’ve always wanted or die alone.

I’m stuck in a total self-loathing rut and my romantic life is the biggest reason why. I desperately want to find someone, and in the short term, I want to feel better about myself again. I just don’t have a plan to get there, and it’s driving me crazy.

I really hope you can help.

— “Depressed about Dating”

My response:

The first thing I want to say is that you are not alone. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone through a period of feeling sad or jealous when everyone else seems to be in a relationship and you’re not — friends, clients, I’ve seen it all. So, I want you to remember that you’re in good company.

Next, I want you to think about why it’s so important to you to meet someone. Do you think a woman will complete you? Because that’s unrealistic and unfair to anyone else to have that burden. You are the only one who can complete you. And once that happens, you’ll not only be a happier person, but you’ll also be a better date and better partner. People are drawn to others who have a life going for them, separate and apart from their relationship status. I know on paper you have all of those things, but mentally, you don’t. I know you said that in the short-term you want to feel better about yourself but don’t have a plan to get there. The first step in this whole process should be making that plan to get there. A therapist can help (do you have a good one?) or some coaching that I do could address some of this. The self-loathing guy you described isn’t helpful to you and isn’t attractive to a potential partner. You need to come first.

Now, as for not getting second dates, I don’t know what’s going on there, but I do believe that a good part of it is confidence. You want it so badly, and people can smell that, which isn’t a turn-on. You’re a catch, and you have a lot to offer. Remember that. The woman isn’t always the prize — you are, too. You also make it harder on yourself because you see everything short of a long-term relationship as a “failure.” That’s just not true. There is so much incremental progress that you’re ignoring. Like you said, you’ve gone on a lot more dates. There’s something to be said for that. Give yourself credit.

Really ask yourself these questions: How will a partner make my life better? What things can I do to make my life better in the absence of a partner? What do I offer a partner? And, most importantly, would I date me?

Stop with timelines. You’re lucky that, as a guy, you don’t have a biological clock to worry about. No one’s life goes exactly how they planned it in their head. And your future planning is getting in the way of living today, being in the present, and making the best impression you can.

You will neither settle nor die alone. But you have to put in the work.

Let me know how I can help.

— Erika

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(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, eepurl.com/dpHcH

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©2019 Erika Ettin

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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PHOTO of Erika Ettin is available from the Columnist Mugs

From ancient philosophers to current experts in behavioral economics, people have been pondering the link between money and happiness. Among them is author Gretchen Rubin, who thinks about happiness for a living. She’s written several books on happiness, including The Happiness Project and the forthcoming Outer Order, Inner Calm.

She helped think through the question of whether you can use discretionary money to buy happiness. Short answer: Probably not. But you can definitely spend money to increase it. A lifetime happiness shopping list might go like this.

Buy better relationships

The key to happiness is how you deal with other humans. It’s a recurring theme. “So if you’re spending your money to broaden or deepen relationships, that’s a good way,” Rubin says. Use discretionary money to attend a college reunion or a friend’s destination wedding. A corollary, especially for younger adults: Buy a social life. Young adults often experience an intense period of socializing with friends, searching for life partners and networking for career opportunities-all potential sources of happiness. Maybe increase social bar-and-restaurant spending or pay for a dating app.

Buy experiences

The usual advice is “buy experiences, not things”, but that requires a deeper dive. “What I find is often the line between experiences and things is not that clear,” Rubin says. A bicycle can provide an experience, and a new camera can preserve one. So buy experiences, especially with other people, but also think about buying material things that allow you to have experiences or enhance them.

Buy solutions

Also known as “throw money at the problem” or “buy back time”. “One thing that makes people happier is to feel they have control over their time and they’re not doing boring chores,” Rubin says. So that could mean paying someone else to do yardwork or using a full-service laundry. It’s the balancing act of money versus time. If you have a little extra money-probably because you sold your time to an employer-buy back time by paying for convenience.

Buy for your interests

What represents a happy experience for one person is not necessarily the same for another. Someone who mostly dines out should probably not use discretionary money to buy a fancy set of kitchen knives. But someone who loves to cook? Maybe so. Rubin reminds us, “Beautiful tools make work a joy.”

Buy discipline

Want to improve your diet or fitness but have trouble summoning motivation? Use your money. That might mean choosing a pricier gym that’s more convenient or even hiring a personal trainer to add accountability. At the supermarket, it could mean buying healthy foods that are more convenient, like bagged salad. “If you can make it slightly easier to get yourself to do something you want to do, that’s a good way to spend your money,” Rubin says.

Buy stress relief

Is there a simple fix for recurring arguments or sources of stress, especially with a significant other? If you argue about a messy home, can you afford maid service? Or, can you afford not to get maid service? “The question is always, ‘Is it cheaper than marriage counseling?'” Rubin quips.

Buy money peace

“One of the greatest luxuries money can buy is the freedom not to think about money,” Rubin says. “Financial security is something that really contributes to people’s happiness.” Paying off debt is a good idea, and building an emergency fund is an especially good one. It provides cash for not only real emergencies, like a car repair, but all those emergencies in our heads that never happen but keep us up at night because they might. Happiness is silencing the haunting “what-if” voices. “The freedom from worry is a big boost to happiness,” she says.

Buy wiggle room

If you have extra cash, use it to allow yourself to be sloppy without consequence. It could be as simple as buying a few extra pairs of underwear so you’re not pressed to do laundry every seven days.

Buy a do-gooder high

Be charitable. “Contributing to others is a great way to support the causes you believe in and put your values into the world,” Rubin says.

If you add a few of these purchases to your life’s shopping cart, chances are you’ll be happier when you check out.

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/a/201901/23/WS5c47cbeca3106c65c34e5fee_1.html