Category Archives: Relationships
Dating Diaries Of A 50-Something Divorcée: The 7 Deadly Steves – Refinery29
This January, I’m giving up my usual routine of slavishly punishing myself for the month. I’ve joined a tango class, I’m learning to make pho, I’m drinking in moderation, I’ve decided I like to go out for cocktails. I’ve promised myself a massage at least once a month. I think these are all things I can stick to, things that make me feel good. I’m still dating but now I see that the sins were probably mostly mine, and there were definitely more than seven. The seven deadly sins are linked with the cardinal virtues and this year I plan to work on those, too. I’ll foster humility against pride, kindness against envy, a degree of abstinence against gluttony, a lot of patience against anger, some liberality against greed and a measured amount of diligence against sloth.
Dating Advice For Women On How To Get A Guy To Like You | Randy Skilton – YourTango
Get his attention.
Everything is perfect with your super close male friend … except you’ve developed intense feelings for him, but he only seems to see you as a platonic friend.
If only you could figure out how to get this guy to like you back.
How can you make him realize the two of you would be so good together if you became more than friends and he fell in love with you, too?
In order to change the dynamic and make him want you, you need to figure out what he wants, and what may be holding him back.
And in order to do that, it will help if you know about some specific types of women he, like most men, is probably doing everything he thing he can to avoid dating — and whether or not he sees you as one of them.
Here are 4 types of women most men have pretty much no interest in dating.
1. The mother figure
Many women mother the guy they’re in love with. You become a shoulder to cry on, and so, what happens? He only sees you as a friend and moves on to marry the next girl.
Being a guy’s confidante (without him being attracted to you first) is the most definite way to make him not see you as anything more than a friend. He will never date you as long as he sees you as a mother and not a potential mate.
2. The maid
Many women think that if they do everything for a man, he will like them more. The reality is that doing this only kills the attraction. When you work too hard to become a guy’s indispensable servant, while your intention may be to get romantic with him, the opposite happens, and you depolarize yourself from him instead.
3. The bossy girlfriend
Some women think that treating men meanly is a good way get them interested. It isn’t. In fact, this typically only works with guys who have low self-esteem and generally aren’t the guys you want. Most men don’t want to be treated like a doormat. If you put him down in front of his friends, this may be you.
4. The girl waiting in the background
This is more common than you might think. You may simply have not aroused his curiosity enough for him to notice you. And if he hasn’t noticed you, he isn’t thinking about you as a potential girlfriend.
All of that said, while many women believe that if a man doesn’t see her as anything more than a friend from the get-go, they will remain “just friends” for life.
This is completely untrue. There are things you can start doing to get him to like you and see you as a potential partner.
Here’s my best dating advice for women on how to make him want you:
1. Figure out how he currently sees you
When the man you love looks at you, does he see girlfriend material? Honestly examining how he sees you is essential. If he sees you as a therapist or a sibling, you have no hope of building a romantic relationship with him.
You might think that you are this incredible and sexy woman, but the guy doesn’t see any sexiness when he looks at you.
Take a step back and ask yourself these questions:
- Are you always listening to the guy’s problems?
- Are you always ready to make brownies when he has had a tough day?
- Are you available to the extent that he is taking you for granted?
- Do you always agree to meet every time he asks to hang out?
- Does he consider you sexy or does he relate to you as he does with the guy next door?
- Does he always let you lead the conversation and/or activity?
- Does he know much about you other than your name?
When you see yourself through the guy’s eyes, it is a great way to see things in a whole different light and change the role you are playing.
2. Change things up
You don’t have to change your look entirely to win over a guy, and you shouldn’t, but if you want a man to see you as more than a friend, you may want to consider changing things up a bit.
You’ve probably been dressing for comfort around him. After all, you are good friends.
Going forward, try dressing in a way that makes you feel sexy and confident when you’re with him instead.
Here are a few ideas to try:
- Choose clothes that are contrary to the fashion he’s come to associate with you.
- Work on getting into better shape if you feel you could use it. There’s no need to aim for perfection, but to starting to feel healthier and more energized will make him notice you.
- Try a fun new hairstyle and or a different look with you makeup.
- Focus on your own happiness. This is an extremely attractive quality to men and too often is forgotten about by many women.
3. Make yourself scarce
If he sees you all the time, how can he know what he’s missing? If you want a guy to value you, sometimes you have to take a break from him. With a little distance, there’s a chance that he will miss you and realize what you have to offer.
Giving yourself a break also helps reset your relationship and changes the dynamics between you (think ‘old you’ vs. ‘new you’). This includes phone calls, texts, and other communication. If he initiates contact, listen in a friendly manner and then exit the conversation politely.
4. Have your own life
It’s not enough to give him some space; it’s also crucial that you have your own life. You only have one to live, after all, and you shouldn’t put it on hold for anyone.
Also, the more you go out there and do the things you love, the more you will feel and look better, and the more attractive you will be. When you remain fixated on a guy, you give off a “needy-girlfriend” vibe, and neediness is anything but sexy.
5. Get passionate about something
Take up an activity or cause you feel passionate about, or focus on advancing your career. You will be busier, less accessible, and more attractive.
More importantly, having a more exciting life will make you feel more confident and prevent you from making the mistake of building your life around your loneliness. You will no longer look to a guy to fill an emotional void. You may prefer him, but you won’t need him.
6. Let him chase you
When the dynamic changes so you’re no longer chasing the man, you become much more attractive to him.
As you become less available, he’ll start feeling like he could lose you. Do not do much to reassure him at this point. Leave him room to pursue you.
7. Allow him to feel he can “win” you
When you give a guy an opportunity to win you by stepping back and he rises to the challenge by pursuing you, let him know that his no longer taking you for granted is something you notice and appreciate.
8. Get in touch with your femininity
The distinctions between masculine and feminine energy are just as appealing to most hetero men as they are to most hetero women. Use this to your advantage.
Doing things commonly identified as “feminine” like wearing dresses and skirts, flirting with him, and letting him know you want, need and appreciate his help with things will make him feel like a man, which will draw him to you.
And remember: when you’re dating and looking for true love, it’s essential to keep your options open.
You may not want to hear this, but he may not be ready for a serious relationship, and he may never be attracted to you in that way.
If you wait and wait for him to see romantic potential between the two of you, you might waste a whole lot of time fixating on a man who will never fill that role in your life, while losing out on time you could have spent with another, even more incredible man who does want and appreciate you.
Tying yourself up with what you see as his potential and closing off your option just isn’t wise.
And if you will keep investing emotions and time in a guy who unload his personal issues on you without caring to return the favor, one day, you’ll look back with bitterness and regret.
Make a decision to get his attention today, no matter what the outcome could be, and be prepared to accept whatever it is.
Randy Skilton is a relationship expert who shares his guidance for single woman at his website, Attract Your Dream Guy. Visit his Facebook page for more.
This article was originally published at Attract Your Dream Guy. Reprinted with permission from the author.
What do you think are some of the biggest mistakes single men or women make on their first date which usually torpedo any chance of a relationship? – Japan Today
I’d say the biggest mistake is taking advice from anyone on the internet on how to “do” dates.
But what the heck; don’t (as Bintaro says above) talk about finance or past romances. Don’t be aloof in order to look cool but don’t look needy, either. Don’t be playing with yer phone, don’t check it, don’t field calls. Don’t be late, don’t pick a fight, and don’t get lush.
Talk about yourself but don’t dominate the conversation. Listen to your date. Most importantly, relax. Don’t put on a persona.
And that’s my dating advice. It worked for me over the centuries, at any rate.
Professor behind UW-La Crosse senior speed dating event is writing lesson plan, organizing second event – La Crosse Tribune
A speed dating event for senior citizens was a big hit at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse in November — so big that the organizer is creating a corresponding lesson plan for colleges across the country.
Dawn Norris, a professor in UW-L’s sociology department, is drafting the lesson plan with help from New York City-based filmmaker Steven Loring, whose documentary, “The Age of Love,” served as Norris’ inspiration.
Norris said she was blown away by the interest and media attention still swirling around that first event.
“The need for this kind of event is rather overwhelming,” she said. “People really want a place where they can meet others in their age range for companionship. This was something I already knew, but I think I underestimated how important it is for people.”
The Nov. 28 event drew two dozen sharply dressed seniors to UW-L’s Student Union, where they sipped coffee and shot the breeze as Elvis and Sinatra poured through the speakers.
It wasn’t just Norris pulling the strings. Students in her generations and aging class did most of the legwork, planning, promoting and running the event.
While colleges have hosted similar gatherings in the past, this new lesson plan seeks to streamline the process. Norris said the plan will include dos and don’ts as well as advice for linking the event to Loring’s film and students’ coursework.
“I have full confidence this will be useful to other colleges who want to follow it or adapt it for their own needs,” she said.
Norris said she has also begun planning a second senior speed dating event at UW-L, which she is hoping to hold this spring.
Those who attended the November event came for a variety of reasons. Some were hoping to find a romantic partner, while others were hoping to find friends.
“It does get harder to meet people as you age,” said a participant who asked to be called Pete King, a fake name. “I’ve been looking, tried dating sites and all that. The trouble is, when you’re older, you’re just so set in your ways.”
Norris said seniors often struggle to meet partners or friends, because social venues such as bars or restaurants are typically marketed to a younger clientele. That’s one reason, she said, senior speed dating has been so popular.
“We’ve already had some partnerships,” she said. “Some people are already dating.”
