Relationships Talk

Those in the dating pool are the men and women who are available for bonding; they are the potential partners one gets to choose from when they are ready to fall in love and be in a relationship [again].

The problem with getting a committed relationship in this age is that the list of people you can actually be with is shrunken and that there aren’t so many prime catches anymore. If they are single and look available, they likely have ex problems; if you like them, they may not like you back; the ones that like you are just not good enough. If he is handsome, he cheats and is unfaithful; the one that has a job is unromantic and on and on goes the highs and lows; the pros and cons of trying to date in modern times.

Getting someone who is good enough and has no significant ‘buts’ or issues attached to them is considered so difficult. Finding someone who manages to strike all the right cords and tick all the right love boxes is such a big deal because, as the belief goes, the dating pool is shallow and there aren’t enough quality catches available anymore.

But is the dating pool really small? Is it possible that this belief has been fostered and pushed only by repeated usage and not because there’s any real semblance of truth to it?

ALSO READ: 5 best dating tips for women in their 30’s

From all indications, it looks true that getting someone who is good enough and truly appropriate for one’s emotional and mental well-being is not such an easy task to achieve. While there are great partners and the occasional big catches, the pulse of our society, felt off social media and daily interaction does actually reflect a short supply of good men and women; people who really grasp the concept of commitment and intentional relationships.

Men and women alike usually need to look a little more into the options before finding someone who truly ticks most of the boxes they want ticked in a partner [Credit: Madamenoire]

Is the dating pool really as small as people would have you believe though? That’s not so easy to decide. This is because there are always different strokes for different folks, and the standard of partners that one deems acceptable determines whether or not they have enough choices available to them.

Generally, if you have really healthy relationship needs and a proper standard to which you want to hold your partner, there’s surely someone out here for you. It’s not so bad. It would often require you to pace yourself patiently, raising your own personal bar and holding yourself up to the same standard you want to measure people by, but sure, there’s someone out here for you.

There are over one billion persons in the universe. You cannot be the only amazing single person alive.

I mean, what are the odds?

Local and state groups are working together to offer a free teen dating violence seminar and training for parents and guardians in Versailles this month.

The event runs from 6:00am to 8:00am on the following dates.
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Matchmaker and Dating Coach Bonnie Winston, who works in New York and Los Angeles, said she understands that some of her clients are diamonds in the rough. They may not have the dating experience to impress a potential partner, or they may be unaware of the behaviors they display that turn dates off. But she helps them polish their dating habits.

Bonnie shared the story of a female client who hadn’t had a boyfriend in many years. On the first date Bonnie set up for her, the woman ordered an expensive lobster dinner, dessert, and several drinks. Meanwhile, she told stories about herself and didn’t ask her date any questions.

“Of course, he didn’t like her,” Bonnie said with a laugh. “After that, I owed him because I wanted him to trust me to set him up with other people.”

In her line of work, Bonnie said she finds that some daters don’t just need to be paired with the partners of their dreams, but they also need guidance on how to behave appropriately. One recent trend that she’s seen that turns off potential partners is too much talk about politics. Few of her clients are willing to date people on the opposite side of the political aisle.

“Years ago, people didn’t talk about politics so much unless they were zealots,” she said. “When I grew up, you didn’t talk about sex, religion, or politics. But now it’s something I have to include on my client intake form.”

Keeping up with those trends is essential to her job, which she views as an investment that singles can make that’s on par with an education.

“When you invest in your education, you become more intelligent and receive a diploma and have a chance to get a better job,” Bonnie said. “When you invest in a matchmaker, the potential payoff is a husband, marriage, true love, and even a baby, if you want that. ”

Bonnie goes beyond picking compatible matches. She also teaches clients how to take the next steps in presenting themselves and developing real connections.

Dating Coaching Helps Improve a Client’s Appeal

Bonnie shared two examples with us that prove successful matchmaking isn’t just about setting two compatible singles up on a date — it’s also about how both parties behave on that first date. If one of her clients doesn’t make a great first impression, though, Bonnie works with them to get it right.

One of Bonnie’s tips is to keep pace with your date on a first date. Don’t order considerably more than your date does at the restaurant or bar; otherwise, the person who is paying may feel taken advantage of.

Furthermore, Bonnie suggests her clients show class whenever possible. She tells her client to extend the same kindness to the waiter or busboy that they would extend to their date.

“Class is just being kind. If you’re kind, it shows, and people are attracted to it,” she said.

She also shared advice she gave to her lobster-ordering client for a more successful date with a different man.

“Ask questions, but don’t interrogate. The best way to learn is to listen, so ask your date things about themselves,” Bonnie told the client.

Bonnie said she thinks some daters have an unrealistic perception of themselves and the reasons why they’re still single. Some are right about the reasons why they’re single. Others have inflated views of their power, success, or intelligence that get in the way of forming successful bonds with others.

“People should trust a matchmaker because that’s where they can get an unbiased opinion,” she said.

Those living outside of New York and Los Angeles who are interested in Bonnie’s advice can read her blog, which is updated regularly. She offers many of the same tips she imparts to clients through posts, including “What is Matebaiting?” and “Tired of Tinder?”

Creating Safety and Comfort for Women in the #MeToo Era

Bonnie said she wants to create a safe atmosphere in the #MeToo era for her clients, many of whom are women in Los Angeles. She sets parameters that create comfortable first dates for both parties. For example, her daters can’t meet in private places — including a hotel or someone’s home — on the first date.

“I put all those things in the contract to protect women who are my clients. Today, you have to be more thoughtful,” Bonnie said.

Bonnie coaches her clients to show the best version of themselves — especially on first dates.

Since many prominent men have been called out for their inappropriate behavior, some of her male clients are nervous about how to behave around women. Bonnie offers them advice on how to behave appropriately around women.

“If you have to double-think it, just be conservative,” she said. “If you ask yourself, ‘What do I do here?’ Then don’t do anything.”

Still, men shouldn’t be so nervous about offending women that they never make the first move. They still need to be able to read signals. Otherwise, Bonnie said, they may be friend-zoned early in what otherwise could turn into a long-lasting relationship.

One of her clients, a successful cardiologist, went on two successful dates with a woman he liked. When Bonnie checked in with her client about the proposed third date, he told her how nervous he was about kissing her for the first time.

“I said, ‘Do me a favor and just lean in. You need to do this sometime during the third date.’ There are times I have to tell grown men to kiss their dates. Don’t grope her, but let her know you like her.”

The cardiologist’s date turned into a love story when he took Bonnie’s advice and kissed the woman on their third date. The two are still happily together.

Bonnie Winston is Developing a Nationwide Network of Singles & Matchmakers

While Bonnie wants to help people find love, she knows she can’t help everyone. Most of her clients live in New York and Los Angeles, but she is adding more clients in Florida and Seattle, as well. But she wants to encourage love through other matchmaking professionals and coaches outside of those areas.

“I’m now connected with 200 coaches and matchmakers, and I value those relationships because I think there’s a lot of love in the world,” said Bonnie.

And those connections aren’t just superficial. Bonnie spends at least one day a week in communication with others in the field. Sometimes, they share clients whom they can’t match with their current dating pools.

“I don’t look at as competition, but as working together to find what is best for the client,” Bonnie said.

Certainly, Bonnie’s client list is ever-expanding because she’s a New Yorker unafraid to assert herself. She regularly introduces herself to anyone who’s not wearing a wedding ring.

“If daters aren’t acting appropriately, they’re going to blow it. That’s why I not only introduce people but also teach them how to present themselves well.” — Bonnie Winston

“I just took an Uber Ride Share with a man and a woman. Now, I’m fixing the woman up with someone I know,” she said. “And the guy, I’m going to put him in my database because he’s adorable. I would send him to another matchmaker who needs someone who is 30 and has a good job.”

This eagerness to network and find new matches for her clients demonstrates Bonnie’s dedication to her mission: helping her clients find “mates, not just dates.”

Bonnie accomplishes much of that mission through her drive to find new clients, but she can’t make these mates without the help of the daters themselves.

“If daters aren’t acting appropriately, they’re going to blow it. That’s why I not only introduce people but also teach them how to present themselves well,” she said.

The ‘once most eligible bachelor’ of B-town, Shahid Kapoor broke the hearts of millions when he announced his wedding with a Delhi-based girl, Mira Rajput. But before Mira, Shahid was linked to many of his co-stars and his relationship with Jab We Met co-star, Kareena Kapoor was the most-talked-about one in the industry. Apart from Kareena, Hrishitaa Bhatt, Amrita Rao, Sania Mirza, Vidya Balan, Priyanka Chopra, Sonakshi Sinha were some other B-town divas who were rumoured to be dating Shahid. (Also Read: 11 Women In Shahid Kapoor’s Life: From Kareena Kapoor To Mira Rajput)

On the 13th episode of Koffee With Karan season 6, Shahid Kapoor came along with his younger half-sibling, Ishaan Khatter and it was his sixth appearance on the show. The host of the show, Karan Johar revealed that earlier whenever Shahid came on the show, he came with someone he has been linked to. In the first season, Shahid came with Esha Deol, in the second season he came with Kareena Kapoor, in the third season he came with Priyanka Chopra, in the fourth season he came with Sonakshi Sinha and finally on the fifth season he was accompanied by his wife, Mira Rajput Kapoor.

When Karan asked Shahid, “Esha Deol you weren’t dating na?”, he replied, “Not at all. Actually, we met for the first time on your show.” When Karan further said, “So, you dated Priyanka, Kareena and then there were rumours about Sonakshi.” Shahid didn’t deny his relationship with them and revealed that he recently bumped into Kareena on many occasions.

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Speaking about how there should be a normal vibe between the exes, Shahid added, “I think there should be eventually. If you are happy and if you are settled then there’s no reason to be uncomfortable with other people. If you are uncomfortable with something and holding on to something, I think those are the times that we should probably be awkward because there’s something within you that’s not settled. But if you’re happy with where you are, you always wish everybody happiness. I wish them all the happiness.”

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In the Rapid-Fire round, when Karan Johar asked which relationship’s memories he would like to delete, Priyanka or Kareena, Shahid retorted, “See, my relationship with Kareena was longer and with Priyanka, it was shorter. I think the man that I am today is because of all the experiences that I’ve had. So I wouldn’t want to delete any of the memories. It’s taught me a lot.” (Also Read: Shahid’s Ex Kareena Kapoor And Wife Mira Rajput Crossed Paths At Isha’s Wedding And This Happened)

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In the next question when he was asked which out of the two ladies, Priyanka or Kareena, is a more talented actor, Shahid decided to give a diplomatic response. He said, “I think the more talented actor is Kareena. I think the more hardworking and committed actor is Priyanka.”

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Shahid Kapoor shared that he wished Priyanka on her wedding to American singer, Nick Jonas and she had wished him too, when he got married. When Karan asked for advice that Shahid would want to give to Nick Jonas, the Udta Punjab actor said, “Never back down, you are with the original Desi Girl.”

Shahid and Priyanka’s relationship has always been a tight-lipped one but as per a throwback DNA report, Priyanka’s house was raided by the income tax department in 2011, when she had called Shahid to the rescue. Priyanka had herself revealed the same back then and shared, “Yes, Shahid was there at my apartment when it (the income tax raids) happened. He lives just three minutes away from my home and it was but natural for me to give him a call when all that was happening. My mother was also supposed to be there but she couldn’t make it. So I gave him a call and he rushed to my apartment just as he was (reportedly in shorts).”

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On Neha Dhupia’s show, BFFs with Vogue, when she asked Shahid, “Has anyone ever cheated on you and who?”, his wife, Mira instantly interrupted and asked her to rephrase it to, “How many women have cheated on him?” Answering their question, Shahid revealed, “I am sure about one, I have major doubts about another one.” When Neha jabbed him to give names by asking if he is talking about those two famous actresses whom he dated, Shahid refused to take their names. He retorted, “I cannot name them.”

Speaking about Priyanka Chopra, her wedding and her professional achievements, Shahid once stated in an interview, “Priyanka is doing amazingly well I am very happy for her. She has made all of us proud. She always had the potential to become an international star and she has proved it.” Shahid went on to add, “Many, many congratulations to Priyanka and Nick. Marriage is a beautiful thing, I can say that from my experience and I wish her all the best.” (Also Read: Priyanka Chopra Jonas’ Exes, Shahid Kapoor And Harman Baweja Made An Appearance At Her Reception)

After a short relationship, Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra are now happily settled with their respective spouses, Mira Rajput Kapoor and Nick Jonas and we wish them all an eternity of happiness and love.