Relationships Talk

DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with “Mickey” for about five years. We spend every day together and go out to dinner/movies/events, etc. He sleeps over at my house, and I cook for him almost every night.

When our friendship started we were intimate a couple of times but have been strictly platonic ever since. The problem is, I’m in love with him. He knows how I feel, and although he claims he doesn’t love me, he continues to spend every waking moment with me and is always trying to better me. We do pretty much everything a couple would do, minus the physical contact. Everybody assumes we’re a couple.

I think I should also mention that Mickey is somewhat of a sex addict. It makes me self-conscious that he’s constantly thinking about sex but isn’t turned on by me even when we sleep in the same bed.

I don’t want to lose him. I value the bond we share and what we have together, but I’m constantly thinking about how much I love him and want to be with him. I even started working out at the gym, thinking maybe my recent weight gain was the problem.

I know he “loves” me, but he isn’t attracted to me. I’m afraid if one of us starts dating someone else, our friendship will take a hit. Please give me some advice. — GIRL IN LOVE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GIRL IN LOVE: As long as you have Mickey as your major preoccupation, you will not start dating anyone else. You need to stop thinking that his lack of desire for you is your fault, because it isn’t. Although it will be painful to call a halt to what’s going on so you can meet someone who CAN give you what you need, that’s what you should do. The relationship you’re in is masochistic. You are being used, and it’s not fair to you.

DEAR ABBY: A few years back, my 60-something-year-old single sister relocated from a different state to a mile from my home. Since then, MY husband has become HER husband. If something breaks, leaks or needs repair, she calls us. I “get” to handle the easy stuff, and hubby does the heavy-duty stuff.

I gave her our riding lawn mower and bought a newer model for us. There was nothing wrong with the mower we gave her, but she called us, crying, that it wouldn’t start. Hubby spent several hours of his one day off trying to get it running, to no avail.

He told her she needed to call a repair person. Instead, she bought a spark plug and a fuel filter and started viewing online do-it-yourself videos so she could handle it. She said she “hopes” she can fix it so “he won’t have to come and try to fix it again.” I’m ready to explode! I feel like we’re being taken advantage of. Help! — SICK OF SIS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SICK: Because you feel you and your husband are being taken advantage of, the next time your sister asks for your husband’s handyman services, explain that his time off is limited and “suggest” AGAIN that she call a professional. If you wish to be more helpful, because she’s relatively new to the area, ask some of your friends if they know someone who is dependable and competent.

The Silvertips fell, 4-3, to the Tri-City Americans on Friday night, snapping their 11-game home winning streak. Head coach Dennis Williams wasn’t thrilled with his team’s performance.

Here are the three takeaways:

Christiansen emerges out of slump

Jake Christiansen is an important player. The 19-year-old assistant captain is a talented offensive defenseman that plays consistent power-play minutes. He’s been snakebitten recently, entering Friday without a goal in his last 11 games dating back to Dec. 5.

🚨 CHRISTIANSEN 🚨

🍏 Pitbull, Tomato pic.twitter.com/XSuBNiOwTi

— Everett Silvertips (@WHLsilvertips) January 12, 2019

Christianson was one of the silver linings from Friday, notching a beautiful backdoor goal in the third period and recording an assist in the loss.

“Jake is a guy were depending on to contribute offensively,” Williams said. “He had a good read and that was agood feed by Dewey there to be able to cash that and snap it home. But as a defenseman, we need them to collectively play better defense always, but to see Jake get on the scoresheet helps builds his confidence even more and it was a great goal.”

Dewar deserves a decent amount of credit, fighting through a tripping penalty and whipping a pass across the ice to Christiansen, who snapped it home.

“It was an amazing pass,” Christiansen said. “He showed some false info and got it to me and the goalie (Beck Warm) didn’t really read it either. Great pass by him.”

Patterson continues stellar play

Max Patterson didn’t pop up on the scoresheet on Friday, but the 19-year-old center was all over the ice, winning battles and creating chances for Everett.

Patterson has been on an upward trajectory over the last couple of games and is finding his footing on the team.

“What he is is an honest player,” Williams said. “He’s a lot like Bryce Kindopp. They go out there and just do a job. He goes out there and brings physicality, he wins faceoffs, he goes to the netfront and snaps pucks off well. He finds guys really well in our offensive zone too. He’s just be a real plessure to have a big piece to our program.”

Holmes plays first game in Everett

Robbie Holmes, who the Silvertips acquired on Western Hockey League trade deadline day on Thursday, played his first game with the Silvertips on Friday, recording a +1 rating and firing three shots in the loss.

Although his Everett debut resulted in a loss, he said he was excited to be in a different situation.

“It’s definitely different, but I’m excited to come here,” Holmes said. “They’re a winning team and in Regina we weren’t winning games. I’m happy to come to a contender. The last couple years we fell short, so I’m glad to get another chance.”

The Pats, Holmes’ original club, lost in the WHL final in 2017 to Seattle, 4-2, and fell, 3-0, to the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League’s Acadie-Bathhurst in the Memorial Cup final, 3-0, as the host team last season.

After two consecutive years of contending, the Pats were in tear down mode, liquidating current assets to rebuild for the future. Holmes was one of the most appealing pieces still left on Regina.

The Sherwood Park, Alberta native said he didn’t request a trade out of Regina and was “50-50” on whether he’d be dealt or not. But once he learned the destination, he said he wasn’t too shocked.

“When I first heard it I was very excited,” Holmes said. “When it hit 4 o’clock I left the rink and about 10 minutes later I got a call from (Regina general manager) John (Paddack), he told me what happened and from there on, went home, packed myself and ended up coming to Everett the next day.”

His first impressions of Everett, other than the loss, were positive.

“There’s a lot of skill here obviously and a lot of depth,” Holmes said. “There’s a lot of good things about this team that I can tell from two years ago with the powerhouse that we had. And the fans tonight were really good. I’ve never been apart of that and that was huge.”

Holmes nearly put an exclamation mark on his Everett debut, ringing one offthe post in the second period on a snapshot from the slot.

“I thought it squeaked by,” Holmes said, “but no.”

Horton’s three stars:

1. Jake Christiansen: The 19-year-old defenseman recorded a goal and an assist in the loss.

2. Connor Dewar: Dewar chipped in a pair of assists and won 16-of-24 faceoffs.

3. Dustin Wolf: Despite relinquishing two key third period goals, the Silvertips netminder made some key saves early on to keep it close.

Want to Plan a First Date That’ll Impress? Avoid This Common Mistake

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several. Need his help? Email askus@askmen.com.

The Question

Dear Dating Nerd,

I asked this girl out and I want to impress her because I’ve had a crush on her for a long time. Now that I have the chance, I want to treat her right. . However, I don’t have a ton of money. What’s your advice for an impressive first date? Should I splurge just to make a good first impression? Are there good date ideas that don’t cost a ton? I don’t have a ton of dating experience, and I know what to do on an  average date (dinner, movie, drinks), but those seem so boring. I want her to know she’s special. What’s your advice?

– Debating Dirk

The Answer

Hi Dirk,

First of all, congratulations on being a thoughtful young man. That quality is sadly too rare these days, I find. Seeing a guy who cares about his date’s experience and not just his own is heartening. Whatever happens on this date — whether it’s a success and leads to a long, loving relationship, or whether you flame out and she never speaks to you again — know that you’ve got your heart in the right place. Trust that  someone will see that.

Now, in regards to impressing someone on a first date, the truth is, everyone will be impressed by different things. Unfortunately, there’s no blanket advice I can give you that will definitely impress your crush. What I can give you is a few ideas, along with a set of best practices to follow.

I’ll start  by addressing your question about splurging. There’s no dating law anywhere that says you absolutely can’t splurge on a date, and rare is the woman who’s looking for a guy to spend less on her than more. Not to mention, wanting to show off a bit on a first date is a totally understandable approach.

You want to be your best self, appearing well-dressed, well-groomed, and articulate with regards to the worlds of art and commerce, all while being  capable of making your date laugh. Spending a little extra is right in line with that.

RELATED: How to Prepare for a First Date, Explained

I’d warn against that approach, however. Beyond the fact that you might not be able to actually afford the expensive date you’re planning, the issue with blowing a bunch of cash on a first date is threefold. Allow me to list them:

First, things might fizzle out due to a lack of interpersonal chemistry. First dates are notoriously tricky things to nail, and the likelihood that you’ll never go on a second date is just as good, if not better, than things working out down the road. That’s the reason most first dates these days are just two people going to a bar. Why expend energy on something that most likely won’t work out?

Second, spending more money doesn’t necessarily equate to impressing your date. Sure, brunch in a French chateau is objectively a more unique experience than hitting up a Denny’s. And yes, much of our society is trained to accept the equation more money equals a better time. In actuality, that convenient bit of math ignores the fact that your date might go against the grain and prefer cheaper alternatives, or might find upscale establishments stuffy or uncomfortable. You might be working extra shifts to make this date work only to realize you were actually shooting yourself in the foot.

Third, and probably most important, is the question of honesty. On a first date, you want to show your best self. The keyword there isn’t “best,” but instead, is “self.” You should be showing who you are, not who some imagined version of yourself is. Spending way above your financial comfort level to impress a date isn’t just bad money management, it’s also dishonest. That’s a pretty bad way to start off a courtship.

Rather than trying to impress your date with a version of yourself that’s completely (or even relatively) artificial, try to impress her with a version of yourself that’s true to you.

Pick a first date idea that lines up with who you are. It sounds like you’ve known her for a while, so hopefully you have an idea about some of her likes and dislikes by now. Do something you think she’d appreciate.

If you’re both into a certain type of cuisine, bring her to a hip new restaurant to show off your knowledge. If you’re both outdoorsy, going for a walk in a gorgeous park with some coffee. If you’re both film nerds, suggest checking out a retrospective from a legendary director playing at a nearby repertory cinema. You get the idea.

In short, you’ll impress her most by showing that you care about her having a good time, not by throwing wads of cash around. After all, if things work out between you two, it’ll be because of the things you actually have in common, not the things she thinks she has in common with a fake version of you.

You don’t want to trap yourself into having to pretend you’re someone else all relationship long.

The final bit of advice I have for you is to be flexible. After all, you’re doing all this to impress her, not yourself. As much as coming up with a cool and unique date idea is a good approach, it’ll be all for naught if that means forcing her to suffer through an evening she hates. While I definitely recommend going into your conversation with a plan in hand, it’s just as important that you remain willing to compromise.

If you propose an idea that’s very much “you” and she counteroffers with an idea that’s very much, well, not, that’s a tough feeling. But don’t panic! So long as her idea isn’t an absolute 100 percent no-go for you (and if it is, you have my permission to pass),  give it a whirl. If it pans out, you’ll have an opportunity to ask her out on a more you-styled date next time.

You Might Also Dig:

Savannah, Georgia is one of the continent’s most romantic cities, according to a new study. 

The Hostess City of the South ranked third. According to the study, Nashville, Tennessee was ranked number 1.

DatingAdvice.com assessed hundreds of well-known romantic destinations based on their quality of historic sites, hotels, restaurants, bars, wineries, public parks, and tourism statistics gathered from various news outlets.

Researchers then looked at customer reviews on several outlets, like Yelp and TripAdvisor, to find the most popular events and attractions in that city to determine the rankings. 

The study cited Savannah’s “charming oak-lined streets and riverside restaurants”.

Here is the full list of the 10 most romantic locations in North America:

1. Nashville, Tennessee
2. Quebec City, Quebec
3. Savannah, Georgia 
4. Austin, Texas 
5. Greenville, South Carolina 
6. Norfolk, Virginia
7. Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
8. San Miguel de Allende, Mexico 
9. Napa, California

If someone’s idea of romance includes a weekend beach getaway or a carriage ride in the snow, the list includes a range of climates and city sizes for year-round enjoyment.

Click here to view the full list.