Category Archives: Relationships
Abby: Friend working 3 jobs envies man on easy street – The Detroit News
Dear Abby: I am having issues with a friend who gets handed most everything he wants. I had to grow up when I was very young, pay my own way for things and take care of myself. I work three jobs to pay my rent in a house with four other people while still pursuing my passion.
This friend is unemployed. He lives in an apartment his parents pay for and goes on frequent road trips. I have reached a point where I have become seriously envious, and I’m not sure how to stop feeling frustrated that he has an easier life than I do.
I care about our friendship, but it’s physically painful sometimes when he talks about these luxuries that I can’t afford. Should I cut off the relationship? Is this something I should talk about with him or something I need to work on myself?
Envious in New York
Dear Envious: Why not do both? Tell him how his going on and on about his “luxuries” makes you feel. If that doesn’t increase his sensitivity to the disparity in your situations, you have my permission to end the relationship.
HOWEVER, while you are working on yourself, please understand that your friend’s parents are doing him no favors. “Children” raised without an incentive to succeed are not often successful in life. They don’t have the tools you have. You are independent. He isn’t. Rather than work to build success in a profession, he’s taking road trips. You know the value of hard work, and with each of the jobs you work, you are gaining experience and focus.
From my perspective, if I had to say which of you is richer, it is you. Step back and you will recognize you have nothing to be jealous about, and you’ll be able to change your thinking.
Dear Abby: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn’t flattering to him. Should I tell him that I’m aware of this information or dismiss it?
Uncertain in Arizona
Dear Uncertain: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it’s time to end the relationship.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Why Dating App Bumble’s Astrology Sign Filter Won’t Help You Find Love – Allure Magazine
The dating app Bumble has a new feature that allows you to filter matches based on their zodiac sign. According to Tech Crunch, the idea behind the new filter seems to be as follows: “Remember that horrible Virgo ex of yours? Well, now you never have to deal with another Virgo again by simply filtering them out!”
Another way of looking at it would be to say that people should choose their dates by signs. For example, as a Scorpio, some would say that another water sign (like a Cancer or Pisces) would be the best match for me, so I should use the feature to only match with fellow water signs. However, not only does this demonstrate an outdated understanding of astrology on Bumble’s part, but — speaking as a sex and relationship journalist with a decade of experience, as well as a practicing witch — such a feature is going to make it harder, not easier, for you to find good matches and potential partners. Here’s why you should swipe left on this feature.
This new feature is simply a bad idea, romantically speaking.
It makes sense that Bumble would add this feature to capitalize on the trending interest in the occult, but let’s think about why dating apps exist: to help you meet people, most often with a sexual or romantic interest in mind. Most folks currently using dating apps in the age of #MeToo and Time’s Up can attest to the rampant difficulties in finding someone who piques your interest, who you’re attracted to, who actually makes an effort to set up a date, and who is also a decent person. It’s a numbers game, and this feature does not improve the odds of finding someone you really connect with.
If Bumble had found a way to filter out people with a history of abusive behavior, or who is lying on their profile and actually cheating (and not just in an open relationship), that might make some progress when it comes to protecting all us single folks from harm. However, to cross out all Libras just because you once dated one who left a bad taste in your mouth (pun…intended?) slices away one out of every 12 potential matches for a pretty arbitrary reason. Most of us are in a place where we could use more chances for love, not fewer, so let’s not cancel people based on their sun sign alone.
It’s also a bad idea, astrologically speaking.
There’s nothing wrong with identifying with your sun (star) sign, also known as the answer you give when someone asks, “What’s your sign?” I’m a Scorpio and relate to many Scorpio traits — I admit that sometimes I do come across as the sex and death-obsessed jealous person that we get a bad reputation for. However, I, along with every other human on the planet, am so much more than my sun sign. While this part of the chart serves as a great ice breaker and a fun introduction to astrology, it does not represent an entire person, nor does it represent how well you’ll get along with someone else.
If you want to truly understand your entire self (or your date) astrologically, you need to take into account the entire birth chart. You can learn everything about your natal chart as long as you know your birth date, time, and location. Then, plug the info in on a website such as Astro.com or an app such as TimePassages. While there is knowledge to be found in sun signs, there’s so much more to learn when you become aware of other areas of your chart, such as your moon sign and your rising sign. Your rising sign is “the mask” you wear to the world while your moon sign is your “mushy center” (and it’s huge when it comes to love compatibility).
Different Types of Kisses – 11 Best Kissing Styles and What They Mean – Seventeen.com
Instagram/Getty Images/Margaret Flatley
So maybe you’ve mastered the perfect French kiss at this point and you’re ready for something more. (BTW, if you don’t feel like you’re there quite yet, don’t worry, we got you.) Maybe you’re looking for ways to make your hookup sessions a little more interesting or you’re just getting tired of your standard makeouts. Either way, here are 11 ways to spice up your kisses.
Lip Kiss
A lip kiss might sound pretty basic, but it’s actually a playful and intimate move to leave your partner wanting more. Just kiss your partner’s top lip while they kiss your bottom (or switch it up).
French Kiss
Ah, the tried and true French kiss. A good makeout involves just the right amount of tongue, saliva, and movement. It definitely takes some practice to master, so don’t be afraid to try out different techniques. Just remember: less is more.
Forehead Kiss
Though a simple smooch on the forehead might not be the ~sexiest~ of kisses, it’s an adorable and tender one. A forehead kiss is usually shared with a special someone because of its affectionate and caring nature.
Neck Kiss
If you’re in the middle of a hot and heavy makeout sesh with your bae, you’ll probably want to go in for a few neck kisses. This move is sensual AF, and can totally take things to the next level.
Peck Kiss
If you give someone a peck, you’re leaning in for a simple, light kiss. Make sure your lips are super soft! It might be the least romantic of kisses, but don’t worry, if your crush gives you a quick smooch, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the friend zone.
Retailer
Cheek Kiss
In many cultures, cheek kisses are friendly ways to greet a family, friend or someone new — not just your bae. But it can also be a comforting gesture from your S.O. or a polite way to gauge a romantic interest.
Bite Kiss
If you want to take your French kiss a step further, incorporate a nibble into the kiss. Very gently bite on your partner’s tongue or lip mid-makeout, and see how your boo reacts. Start off slow, since you won’t know for sure if your partner is into it.
Hand Kiss
Simply taking someone’s hand and kissing the top of it might be corny and remind you of a romantic movie scene, but it’s also pretty adorable. Try it with your partner as a way to ease into a more passionate kiss.
Lizard Kiss
This type of kiss is basically the more intense version of a French kiss. To execute a lizard kiss, stick your tongue in and out of your partner’s mouth at a quick pace. It’s certainly not for everyone, but worth trying to add some fun to your kissing session. You never know — your S.O. might love it!
Earlobe Kiss
To get your partner excited, you might start your makeout session with a kiss or nibble on the earlobe. Ears have lots of nerve endings that make them super sensitive to touch, so gently sucking or tugging on the area will drive your bae crazy.
I Tried Speed-Dating & Learned The Most Surprising Lesson About Myself – Elite Daily
“So, what do you like to do for fun?,” my date asks and I immediately panic. I showed up here with big expectations, curious about what speed dating is really like and hopeful I might at least meet someone intriguing. Now it’s 10 seconds into Date One and I fear this was a terrible mistake. Five minutes per person can’t be that hard, right? He looks at me expectantly as I clutch my $5 house white wine and take a sip.
“I really love to… eat? Oh, and running. I enjoy that, too, sometimes.”
I came here tonight with the hopes of meeting my next boyfriend. Or, well, that’s what I was supposed to expect. In truth, I came here hoping for a funny story, something I could joke about with my friends as I recalled the things I do to try to salvage my struggling love life. I’ve developed a habit of reporting on dating culture — the good, the bad, and the ugly of trying to navigate love in your 20s. You’d think I’d have it figured out by now, but the truth is that I have a horrible track record in practice. Apps are exhausting, life is hectic, and I can never seem to attract the type of men I want to meet.
The natural solution to this? Attend a speed dating event. In theory, it’s an ideal format for busy people: seven dates, five minutes each, two hours of my night, max. As it turns out, speed dating is a bit like the old-school version of dating apps. It gives you the benefit of meeting several people in a short amount of time, which ups the odds that you’ll find someone you click with.
Michelle McSweeney, linguist and expert on digital relationships, says that speed dating can work well simply because of numbers: “It’s the Tinder idea. Get your face in front of as many other faces as possible,” she tells Elite Daily. Apparently it’s also important to make yourself stand out from the crowd. “The quality of relationship-defining memories predicts relationship satisfaction, so really good, emotionally intense and meaningful early memories can fuel a lifetime of love,” McSweeney says. “So if you do go speed dating, make sure it’s memorable!” Challenge accepted.
I find NY Minute Dating online and sign up for an event called “Single Professionals, 20s and 30s,” which sounds more promising than others on the list like “Halloween Singles Party” or “Cougars and Cubs.” It’s $35 per event, which feels steep, but I take the plunge. I am a sophisticated Single Professional, and I intend to get my money’s worth.
I show up to the Muses 35 karaoke bar in Midtown Manhattan on a Friday night, dressed in a gray sweater tucked into a dark skirt with riding boots. It’s the same thing I wore to work, which feels very Single Professional and therefore makes me proud. The Girl in Charge greets me with a name tag and a slip of paper to write down everyone’s names. Apparently the way this works is that at the end of the night, we can each go online and submit the names of people we want to see again. Then we’ll find out in a few days whether we have any “matches.” This feels unnervingly like a real-world dating app where you’re sorting through men sitting there in the flesh, trying their hardest to make you swipe right on them.
Sarah Ellis
The first people I meet are two women who showed up together. They’re adorable and good-natured about the whole thing, which makes me feel better immediately. One of them tells me she attended one of these events a year ago and met a guy she dated for a while. Having zero expectations is key, she says. You just have to have fun.
A few minutes after 7 p.m., Girl in Charge rings a bell, signaling the first date to begin. Date One is in a blue-and-white checked button-down and works in transportation. He looks like he’s probably in his early 30s, and he’s definitely nice enough, but I’m not super into him right off the bat. What really throws me is that initial question about my hobbies and my surprisingly pathetic response.
Wait, what do I actually like to do for fun? Am I THAT boring?
We chat for a few minutes about how he’s lived in the city for over a decade, so he knows it pretty well. I tell him I’m still new here, I’m from the South, I’m a writer, everything I can think of that would make me seem Interesting and Witty.
Next bell rings. Date Two wears glasses and works in I.T. He’s been to several speed dating events before. He gives me advice on the process, telling me it won’t do me any good to overthink it, the best thing to do is just let the conversation flow. This is also the point I remember this is a karaoke bar, as a girl 20 feet away starts screeching “I Will Always Love You” at a fever pitch so loud I can’t hear Date Two tell me about his hobbies. We pause for a moment and look at each other as we let the song play out. Great song, I comment, he agrees. The bell rings and I’m grateful.
Date Three is from Ukraine, but he’s lived in the States since he was 4 years old. I decide this is the perfect opportunity to tell him about my recent trip to Budapest, which I know isn’t really all that close to Ukraine, but of course, I’d love to visit Ukraine one day if I ever have the chance because it seems like a beautiful country and of course, I loved every moment of my time in Eastern Europe this summer.
He nods in silence. This is the moment I realize I’m going to be talking to myself for the entirety of the next five minutes. The music is only getting louder, so I’m leaning in until I’m about two inches from his ear and screaming about how much I love to write and can he tell I’m from the South because usually people can’t detect my accent. I think he tells me what he does for a living, but I can’t quite make it out, and the one piece of information I manage to gather is that he goes to a lot of concerts and is losing hearing in his left ear as a result. Thankfully I’m leaning into his right.
To my immense relief, Date Four wants to talk at me while I listen intently. He’s a native New Yorker, believe it or not, and his suit jacket tells me he probably works in finance (this assumption proves to be correct). The music seems to have calmed down a bit, which I later discover is because Girl in Charge asked the venue owners to please lower the volume because there is a serious event happening. My date decides to take full advantage of our brief five-minute window together:
“So, Sarah, why are you single?”
Well, then. Let’s just cut to the chase. I tell him I haven’t met anyone I really jive with, and his natural follow-up question is, “Well, what are you looking for?”
“Umm, I don’t know. Someone to hang out with?”
Jesus. I’m horrible at this. The biggest epiphany I’m having is that I’m incredibly bad at marketing myself in this setting. Put me in a job interview and I’ll dazzle you with the hard skills on my resume, but ask me about my hobbies and the best thing I can squeak out is, “I really love to eat!”
How very Single Professional of me.
Date Five wears a puffer vest and loves that I’m a writer. He’d be a writer full-time if he could, he says, but he’s really let his creative side go lately. He works with the homeless and he’s a DJ on the side, but if he had the time he’d write a whole book about dreams. The group behind us has moved on to belting out “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan, a classic, and I comment that it’s an excellent karaoke song choice. He asks me what my favorite Disney movie is, and the best thing I can think of is 101 Dalmatians. “Well, that’s a first,” he responds (for the record, I stand by this choice — it’s a quality film about familial loyalty and I refused to be convinced otherwise).
By Date Six, I’m most of the way through my house wine and have almost no voice left. At this point I’ve really embraced the “I love to eat” persona, and Date Six and I are thrilled to discover that we both enjoy Puerto Rican food. He says he can hear my Southern accent, which I find terribly offensive, but he assures me that he doesn’t think it’s a bad thing.
The final date of the night works in HR. He’s somewhat of a regular at singles events, and he’s apparently quite comfortable in this setting. He asks me if I’m into comedy, at which point we both quote John Mulaney’s famous sketch about getting lost in New York: “It’s a grid system, motherf*cker, where you at?” I proceed to tell him that he simply must go to more comedy shows and there are so many in the city and really it’s quite cheap if you know where to look. I’m talking a lot, but truthfully I’m quite ready to be done with this and retreat back to my phone screen, where I can swipe away in silence without having to invent lame hobbies for myself.
The moment the event is over, I make my exit. Exhausted, I start venting to my roommate the moment I walk through the door. When I tell her about the “I love to eat” debacle, she can’t stop laughing. What Dates One through Seven didn’t know about me — what I never bothered to tell them — is that I have a veritable army of food allergies, meaning I don’t exactly qualify as a typical foodie. As I tell her about it, I start to realize how ridiculous I must have sounded the entire evening.
“Seriously, I wouldn’t even date me, I had nothing interesting to say!” I bemoan.
“So what you really learned is that you’re boring as hell,” Hannah responds. Thank god for honest friends.
The lesson I learned here wasn’t what I expected. I confess that I showed up thinking my dates would be the story, but the real narrative was my realization of how exceptionally uninteresting I must have sounded to these guys. Selling yourself as a potential partner is a lot different than selling yourself as an employee, and I’ve approached my dating life like a job interview when it has to be a lot more organic than that. For some reason — be it the manufactured setting or my own insecurities — I both oversold and undersold my interests in a way that made me seem totally unlike myself.
Maybe the moment I stop forcing it will be the moment things fall together. Until then, I’m giving speed dating and apps a break so I can get back to what I really love… food.
