Category Archives: Relationships
Boyfriend from Brooklyn won’t cater to her communication style – Detroit Free Press
Dear Carolyn: I would love some perspective on how to accept my significant other’s communication style. For 20 years I have told him I would appreciate it if he would initiate conversations about what’s going on in my life and ask me how/what/why questions instead of yes/no questions. At this point it’s clear it’s not going to happen, so I need to figure out how to make peace with this. He does listen and is supportive, and much of his focus is on other things he does to make our lives better – money, house maintenance, etc. – which I am very grateful for.
I think this communication issue is all because he’s from Brooklyn, where apparently everyone is raised to say everything they are thinking and feeling and everyone talks about every single thing that happened to them every day whether anyone asked or not.
– Not From Brooklyn
I guess I’ll find out soon whether I have any readers in Brooklyn.
Unless they’re all too busy talking about themselves without prompting or punctuation.
I’ll accept your whacktastic theory as fact only for the sake of convenience, and stipulate that you, not being from Brooklyn, are temperamentally in need of prompting before you talk about yourself. OK.
Read more:
So: Why was it so obvious that he had to learn to prompt you? Obvious enough that it fueled 20 years of effort on your part to change his style?
Why wasn’t it just as obvious to you that you had to learn to talk without being prompted to speak?
The mechanics on both sides are indistinguishable to me: Something valued that comes naturally in one does not come naturally to the other, triggering a change request to be performed through awareness, mindfulness and repetition. Plug in his learning to ask you questions, or your learning to talk to him without being asked, and they both fit that description. To me.
But, duh. I’m from Connecticut.
It seems the difference you took for granted is that, in your opinion, your style of communication is superior to his, so it went without saying for two decades that he needed to become more like you. And if true, then that was and remains unfair. Certainly to the good people of greater New York.
The main difference I see is that you want the change and he apparently is fine with things as they are – and really, if you want a good rule for change on anything, then it’s right there in your lap. The person wanting the change needs to be the one making the change. In themselves.
So there’s your path to acceptance, too: Stop judging and start talking the talk.
Hi, Carolyn: I recently started working at a minimum-wage job, driving people to and from my employer’s business, after years of a professional career.
I am uncomfortable accepting tips in this position because I am more financially secure than any of these individuals; I know this because of the type of business my employer is in. Is there a polite way to decline without offending the customer?
– S.
Aren’t you lovely. Thank you for your sensitivity to your clientele.
Accept the tips and donate them, perhaps in service of those you serve. Or invest in small luxuries they can enjoy for the ride.
Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
Read or Share this story: https://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2019/01/25/dating-relationship-communication/2583618002/
This Is The Best Dating-App Advice For You, Based On Your Zodiac – iDiva.com
Navigating the complicated world of dating was difficult enough, but now there are apps that match you to nameless people based on a picture and a few sentences they wrote about themselves. How is one to travel on such a road to love? We looked to the stars for answers, and found you these tips for using dating apps, based on your zodiac sign.
Aries: Have patience, child
Aries, the infant of the zodiac, is a red-faced, screaming, and demanding person. You want everything, and you want it NOW. That’s not how dating apps work. You won’t find the right person straight away, so getting frustrated and giving up easily is not going to help.
Taurus: You need to make more effort than saying “hey”
If Taureans were salespeople, they would straight up refuse to try to sell something to someone who doesn’t already want it. So, you’re really passive on dating apps, waiting for prospects to come to you on a silver platter. Face it: you need to do more than send a “hey”.
Gemini: Why are you obsessed with the ONE person who isn’t replying?
Gemini loves trouble. This sign gets bored when everything’s sweet and there’s no drama to stimulate their mind. All in all, Geminis prefer being in an overactive state. So, your profile could be full of potential love interests, but you’ll still be pining for the one who hasn’t replied in weeks. WHY?
Cancer: Go for the reliable and sweet person
Cancer is drawn to emotionally-turbulent people. That’s why Crabs tend to gravitate towards unreliable prospects who seem passionate. How about you go for the seemingly boring yet sweet person this time? Perhaps stability is better for your tender soul than volatile emotions.
Leo: Don’t string along a one-night stand because you love attention
Leos can’t say no when their ego is fed. Despite you normally acing the dating-app game, this is a big flaw. If you’re not interested, don’t keep hanging out with someone, because the attention they lavish on you is too good to pass up. You can really hurt people like this.
Virgo: Dating is about enjoying the ride, not forcing things to go your way
Virgo always has a checklist to live by, and dating is no different. Like clockwork, they go online when there is a purpose to be fulfilled, and they want it done ASAP. This is no fun for anyone, because the romantic, spontaneous parts of dating are missed out on.
Libra: The hottest profile picture is not necessarily the nicest person
Libra, you have an eye for beauty–but this also makes you shallow. You take things at face-value, often refusing to see people for more than their looks. This way you not only miss out on meeting great people, but often land up with unpleasant lovers hiding behind pretty faces.
Scorpio: Try not to start the conversation by sexting
We get it, you’re on this app for some wham, bam, thank you ma’am. However, common courtesy dictates that you at least say hello first. Coming on too strong is not only creepy and likely to turn the other person off, but it also does a disservice to everything you have to offer.
Sagittarius: Instead of party photos, put pictures from your travels on your profile
You’re full of soul, but that philosophical wanderer in you, which is what truly makes you unique, is often hidden away. Instead of trying to show off your “network” with party pictures, fill your profile with photos from your travel. They will speak for you, and convey the right message about what you seek in life.
Capricorn: Let people know you mean business from the beginning
On most dating apps, people don’t expect a person to be online looking for a permanent partner. But since you never waste time on flings, you have different ideas. Just make sure the other person is aware of your elaborate future plans, and is on the same boat!
Aquarius: You have more to offer than your unpredictability
You might think that being quirky and doing unexpected things is how you can get someone to be interested in you. But, it’s not. Pretending not to understand SMS language while texting, showing up in basketball shorts to a French bistro… these things aren’t really funny to most people, and can get annoying.
Pisces: Don’t be flaky if you want to be taken seriously
Inconsistency is not sexy. You can’t be really interested, then disinterested, then call someone again to see if they want to “hang out”, and then disappear into dreamland for a few weeks–only to come back and say that you want to marry them. It’s really confusing. Moreover, no one ever knows what’s going on with you, and unless the flaky behaviour changes, no one will want to.
The Best Interior Designer Advice For Rentals – The Decorist Interior Design Website Review – HouseBeautiful.com
Let me set this straight: A rental—be it a house, condo, or apartment—doesn’t have to be a holding pattern for your life until one day, maybe, you buy a place. A sofa you love? You should invest in it. A piece of art? Buy it. You’ll have it forever. Regardless of not owning the space, the space should still feel like your own.
This was my mindset when moving into a new rental last September. The small unit outside of New York City had potential, but I needed guidance and the right eye—someone who would know it is possible to transform a space with zero construction—to get there. I went on to try out Decorist, an online interior design service that pairs you with a designer based on your style, which allowed me to redo my living room from my phone. It was as easy (much easier, actually) as online dating: You fill out a questionnaire on your style, budget, and inspiration and then are matched with the best designer for your needs. After being paired with Jessica McCarthy, creative director at Decorist and as it turns out, my blush and brass-loving soulmate, the real fun began.
In working with a designer—which gave me a room I never could have created on my own—I ended up with the retro glam apartment of anyones dreams, and in the process learned six style secrets every renter should know.
Create an accent wall. Which, yes, can be renter friendly.
When it comes to accent walls, Jessica’s rule of thumb is to 1.) always do one and, 2.) make it the main wall in the space, the one you see when walking into the room. When Jessica first asked me my thoughts on wallpaper, my immediate answer was ‘yes’ followed by a, ‘but I live in a rental.’ Her solution here was non-permanent adhesive wallpaper, which has become increasingly popular for clients that are renting, since it easily peels off when ready for removal. I went with a pink floral print from Etsy, and since I don’t trust myself to actually install it (though there are a ton of DIY tutorials online), I hired a TaskRabbit who got it done in around two hours for $150, which was worth it for how it transformed the space.
Reid Rolls
Get personal through art.
Nothing makes a space more unique to you than art. I loved this illustration of lips from Chairish, which Jessica suggested I hang on the accent wall above the sofa. And, yes, you can hang art on an accent wall. “This combination works because the art was a large scale graphic compared to the small printed wallpaper, which created balance and a beautiful juxtaposition in shape and pattern,” explains Jessica.
Reid Rolls
Invest in practical furniture you love.
If and when you leave your apartment, your furniture can come with you. I told Jessica I wanted a sectional that was as stylish as it was comfortable, so she recommended this microsuede sofa from Bed Bath & Beyond—where mostly all of my furniture is from—and yes, it feels as good as it looks.
Reid Rolls
“When figuring out what pieces to invest in, I always recommend looking at the large pieces in your space that you utilize the most,” said Jessica. For me, and many of Jessica’s clients, a sofa is the perfect example of a practical investment. “It’s important, especially if your current home is not your forever home, that the pieces you invest in will be able to fit in future homes that may be bigger or smaller. Don’t buy items in funky shapes or invest in something custom if you can see yourself moving in the near future,” she explains.
Maximize the space by taking advantage of empty walls.
When it comes to designing apartments or small spaces, Jessica never lets a wall go unused. “Because your space didn’t have a proper entryway, I saw this empty wall as a perfect spot to put a bench to set your purse down or take off your shoes, as well as a mirror to give yourself a final look before you leave the house,” she says.
Reid Rolls
Style your bar cart with the rule of threes.
No one can pass up a bar cart moment, but especially one that’s styled as well as this. Jessica taught me about balance and more importantly, the golden rule of three. “The human eye is naturally drawn to items in threes, so when styling your bar cart, be sure to place them in sets of three,” she explains. And, alcohol isn’t the only thing to place on your bar cart. “Layer unexpected items to bring life and character to your bar cart. A plant, flowers, a stack of books, a framed art piece or personal photos are all great ways to do this,” says Jessica.
With an awkward window ledge, add a dramatic curtain wall.
“Apartments tend to lack architectural elements which add character to spaces. I felt a bit of harshness with the window and large rectangular wall and thought the perfect way to soften and add character was to create a faux wall of curtains,” says Jessica. The final touch in the apartment—and what tied the entire space together—was hanging curtains the entire distance of the wall and almost to the top of the ceiling, which made it hard to tell how big the window actually is and, well, isn’t. “This tricks the eye and adds a dramatic touch to the space that is cost effective and incredibly impactful,” explains Jessica.
Reid Rolls
Reminder, this is what the space looked like before:
Danielle Tullo
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Reward increased for tips in unsolved 1999 murder – MLive.com
GENESEE COUNTY, MI – A donation from an outside source has upped the reward to $4,000 being offered by Crime Stoppers of Flint & Genesee County for information leading to an arrest in an unsolved murder case dating back nearly 20 years.
Anne Paetz, 23, was driving from Saginaw to the Montrose area at around 2 a.m. July 2, 1999 when she went missing.
Her body was found by a jogger around 7:45 a.m. July 2, 1999 on the side of Farrand Road in Thetford Township.
The location was roughly 15 miles from where her 1995 champagne-colored Ford Contour was found on M-57 around 2:40 a.m. the same morning, according to Flint Journal records. It had sustained damage to the right rear quarter panel but was still operational.
DNA of an unknown man was found on Paetz’s ring. Michigan State Police said they believed she punched her attacker in the nose. The DNA from the ring was put into a national database in 2009.
Michigan State Police Lt. David Kaiser previously told MLive-The Flint Journal that dozens of tips have come in her since her death including on Sept. 2, 2016 when a suspect was arrested on homicide and rape charges in connection to Paetz’s death.
However, the suspect’s DNA wound up not being a match and the murder case remains open. Kaiser commented Thursday afternoon he was not aware of any recent tips.
Anyone with information on Paetz’s murder is asked to contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-422-JAIL (5245) on the P3 Tips app, or at P3Tips.com.
