Relationships Talk

Shortly after I married my wife I found myself seeking advice from one of my church leaders, and I will never forget what he told me that day.  

At first I thought his advice was harsh, but soon accepted as not only profound, but incredibly true.  

“Always make your marriage the top priority in your Family,” he said. “Your children need to know that she is your first love and that they came second. The Family started before they arrived and they will soon leave, but she is there forever.”

It sounded like he wanted me to love my wife more than my children. I didn’t know what to think. Should I really not love my kids as much as my wife? I soon began to realize that what this pastor told me was great wisdom. He wasn’t telling that my love for my children needed to be less, but he was telling me that I must make my marriage the most important relationship in my Family.  

In his book, “Family Shepherds,” Voddie Baucham provides insight about how to keep marriage a priority in our Families. He offers three reasons why we must prioritize marriage over children.

1. Children will eventually leave the home. One day, our kids will grow up and leave the home to start their own adult lives. If the kids are the foundation of our Family, then their departure will mean our Family’s demise. It is like building a house on a rented removal slab – as soon as the lease is up, the slab is removed and the house crumbles.  

2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security. Children are able to have a confident identity if they can see security in their parents. When our children see a strong marriage they can freely live in a safe, positive and helpful environment. We have a chance to show our children the commitment and cooperation of Family with our marriage relationship.

3. One of our primary goals in parenting is to prepare children for marriage. We have a chance to teach our children exactly what marriage is all about. How we demonstrate married life is exactly what our kids are going to see as “normal.” We need to be sure to demonstrate what it means to sacrificially love one another. Fathers get to teach their sons how to one day be a husband and father, and their daughters what kind of man to marry. Mothers can demonstrate to their daughters what a mother and wife can be and what kind of woman her son should look for.

My Family, your Family needs a solid marriage. We need to be sure to keep marriage as the top priority in our homes so that our Family will flourish and prosper in the way in which it was designed.  

When our marriages are operating as they were intended, parenting is made much easier. Parents are able to keep priorities in line and train their children in an environment that demonstrates love and commitment. As a result, children grow up seeing healthy marriages, quality relationships and proper Family order. They are then set up for success on their journey to establish a Family one day.