Relationships Talk

I’m writing here to ask for help from people working in the investment banking industry. I’m a 25 year-old guy and I’ve been dating a 23 year-old female investment banker for the past six months. She’s a junior in the M&A division of one of the top banks in NY, and I just don’t understand how to read her.

We’ve had plenty of dates and have done all the usual stuff – meals in restaurants, cinemas, walked in Central Park, hung out in Brooklyn Botanic Garden. It seems to be going well, but I can’t help feel she’s holding back on me.

I know that banking jobs are demanding. I totally get that it’s hard for her to have a relationship with someone who isn’t in finance, but I can’t help feeling that she uses her job as an excuse, and because of this I’m not really sure where I stand. For example, she almost never initiates contact with me and I’m always the one who has to suggest a date. Then, when we go on dates she sometimes falls asleep (yes!) and asks to go back home early.

I’m finding it all very hard to deal with. I only get to see her at weekends, and then we can’t arrange anything in advance. Often she tags along with whatever I want to do – it’s like she wants me to be dominant all the time because she’s so exhausted from being dominant at work and doesn’t have any energy left.

If you’re reading this article on this site, I’m guessing that you work in banking yourself. Can you give me some advice on how to handle this going forward? How can I tell where I stand? If she becomes quiet and distant, am I supposed to just take it? How do I know whether she’s having a crazy week, or just withdrawing? How much of this is her and how much is her job?

I’d appreciate it if you could leave your advice as comments at the bottom of this article. Thank you.

Lawrence Dale is the pseudonym of a frustrated banking boyfriend

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