Relationships Talk

MODERN dating has let me down. I have an aversion to swiping and never mastered the art of “sliding into someone’s DMs” which, these days, leaves my romantic options limited.

But what if I could wind back the clock and try dating techniques from the days before Tinder? Thankfully for me, a dating article from 1958 recently went viral with some inspiration.

Fabulous writer Lauren has been struggling with modern dating, so she decided to try some 50s tips for finding love

In the piece “129 ways to get a husband”, published in a once-popular women’s magazine, tongue-in-cheek advice ranged from learning how to gut a fish to carrying a hatbox.

So, armed with my new dating guide, I hit the streets on a vintage husband hunt. It couldn’t be any worse than an evening of mindless Tinder trawling… could it?

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This article loaded with ludicrous 1950s dating tips recently went viral

Stand on a busy street with a lasso

I can only assume that in the 50s the spectacle of a woman with a lasso would attract attention from good-humoured gents.
Unfortunately in London today, people making a fool of themselves in the street is relatively commonplace – and lassoing is actually really hard work.

The swinging action required to get an open loop up in the air then project it over a person requires serious skill.

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Lauren started out trying to lasso passing men… but her rope skills weren’t quite up to scratch

The passers-by in London either assumed I was mental and gave me a wide berth or completely ignored me.

One man stopped to ask what I was doing while cramming down a takeaway lunch but my attempt to lasso him failed and he kindly advised me that he wasn’t the one for me.

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Unfortunately, none of the passing men were all that interested in Lauren’s lasso

Drop a handkerchief

I can unequivocally confirm that – contrary to the magazine’s advice – dropping the handkerchief does not still work.

Supposedly, the idea is that 50s chaps would be keen to aid a damsel, but the main issue these days is that no one carries a hanky and everyone is too busy to notice if you drop one.

Despite being perfectly positioned on a busy street, with a constant stream of men bustling past, not a single gent stopped to collect my fallen handkerchief.

I got a few laughs, one person pointed at it to flag up its descent to the pavement and one other made a half dip movement but didn’t quite make it to the ground to assist me.

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Dropping a hanky by a busy road was more dangerous than anything else

On the whole I was ignored.

At one point my delicate piece of fabric blew into the middle of the road and suddenly the exercise became dangerous.

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Lauren set off armed with a small sheet of cloth and returned empty handed

Bake tasty apple pies

The 50s dating experts reasoned that every man searching for a wife would be looking for a woman who can stir up a culinary storm and cater for their every nutritional need.

Little did they know that it’s 70 years later and the closest we get to baking is watching Mary Berry discuss soggy bottoms.

I didn’t have time to actually make an apple pie, so settled for an apple tart from a local deli – no one needed to know.

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Perhaps offering up a slice of an apple pie would interest the men in the office?

Armed with my shop-bought dessert and a few forks I sauntered over to a cluster of eligible bachelors and offered for them to taste my pie.

My kind offer was met with suspicion rather than gratitude and proposals of marriage.

Mindful of my tips for chatting with eligible bachelors, I threw in a couple of other nuggets to ingratiate myself.

As the magazine suggested, I tried to “point out to them that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men” but fell short when they asked for actual figures.

And conscious of the advice that “men like to think they’re authorities on perfume” I asked for fragrance advice but again, drew a blank.

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Once again, the dating tips from over half a century ago proved to be a bit dated

Have a button box to sew on bachelors’ loose buttons

Still smarting from the failure of my apple pie, I brushed myself off and headed to try and snag a different single man in the office.

Back in the 50s, being handy with a needle and thread would be a vital skill for any wife – so the advice encouraged making it known you had a needle and thread close at hand.

Tinder bios focus more on how quickly people can take buttons off than reattach them – but with a sense of desperation starting to sink in, I marched over and enquired whether any men needed shirt repairs, armed with a button box and sewing kit.

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Offering to do some sewing for the fellas at work didn’t quite do the trick either

Again, the response was more distrust than romance.

Confused about the new service I was providing to men in the office, my prospective husband rejected my offer of minor tailoring.

When I explained that I wouldn’t be offering the same to the married men as they “already had women to do their sewing”, I was aggressively challenged by some women who had overheard the conversation.

I was forced to make a hasty retreat.

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Lauren’s offer to help fix any errant buttons wasn’t appreciated

Stand in the corner and cry softly

It was time to bring out the big guns – and I’d saved the best pulling technique until last.

In the 50s it was reasoned that chivalrous men the world over would climb over tables to comfort a woman in tears, and I hoped my damsel in distress act would still turn some heads.

Unfortunately these days bars are often packed with mascara-stained cheeks on a night out and often the blokes wisely opt to just leave well alone.

Even so, I found a suitable corner in a semi-busy bar and ordered a glass of water – I would need to hydrate if I was going to generate actual tears.

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When all else failed, Lauren set off to her local and had a good cry – hoping some man would take sympathy

Mustering all of my GCSE drama skills, I started to gently sob.

I took the opportunity to glance around as I wiped my eyes and realised that not a single person cared.

I upped my game and let out lady-like wails; perhaps they just hadn’t spotted me?

Still nothing – not even a sympathetic smile.

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Crying alone in the corner of a room isn’t all it’s made out to be

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Even Lauren’s best efforts weren’t enough to elicit a sympathetic smile… let alone any genuine interest

All in all, my attempts at picking up a partner 1950s style were an epic failure.

Displaying my “wifely” talents didn’t impress the men in the office and I couldn’t get any attention with my hanky and tears.

Even trying to physically entrap a fella ended in disaster. But at least “the time I tried to lasso a bloke” will be a good conversation starter on my Hinge profile.