Relationships Talk

David Duchovny, Sharon Stone, Jeff Daniels, Simon Pegg, Helen Hunt and other celebrities offered strange advice to Late Show fans in a goofy bit from Thursday’s episode titled “Dear Famous People.” The pre-filmed piece featured a series of presumably fake letters and increasingly unhelpful answers the actors.

The first person wrote that he’s been dating a woman for six months but just recently learned she doesn’t want children. “Ed, having kids is one of the biggest responsibilities you could ever have,” Duchovny replied. “It’s the equivalent of owning, like, three ferrets.” Daniels, instead of answering such a “heavy question,” chose to tackle an answer one: ‘Are sandwiches good?’” he asked. “Yes, Ed, sandwiches are good.” Elsewhere, Wyatt Cenac suggested he bring home random children from the mall, and Henry Winkler recommended he raise a wolf instead.

Later, Pegg offered an elaborate scheme to help one fan convince a neighbor to mow their lawn. “Why don’t you mow his lawn for him at night when he’s asleep so that he starts to believe in what we call ‘grass fairies’ in the U.K., which are a mythical group of helpful young things that sort of fix your garden for you. He then might start telling people about it; he’ll get committed and have to leave the house, in which case you can move in and have two properties. So everybody wins.”

Duchovny, fittingly, recommended letting a ferret loose in the person’s house. Stone’s advice? Murder the neighbor with an ice pick.