Relationships Talk

Advice: If you have had a happy 40-year marriage, I think you should let it remain so. “Divorce” the “friend” and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I found out a month ago that my wife and my best friend had a relationship 40 years ago when we were in our 20s. My friend hinted about it, so I asked him point blank and he confessed.

Obviously, if you can’t trust someone, he’s not your friend. My question is, should I ask my wife to tell me what went on or just sweep it under the rug and move forward?

Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what happened to make her stray, or how long the affair went on under my nose. I tried talking to her about it right after I found out, but she started crying, which is one of my weaknesses. I don’t like making folks upset, so I took the blame because I wasn’t a very good husband. We married very young, and I wasn’t ready. So, what do I do? — HURT AND ANGRY

DEAR H AND A: I would love to know your “friend’s” motivation for hinting so broadly that he’d had an affair with your wife that you’d ask him point blank. He seems more a troublemaker than a stalwart friend to me.

If you have had a happy 40-year marriage, I think you should let it remain so. OK, so neither of you were angels. “Divorce” the “friend” and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 30, married and the only female analyst in an office with 12 men. I love my job and I enjoy working here, but it is very hard to prove yourself as a woman in a male-dominated industry.

There is one other woman in my office, a recently divorced administrator I barely know. She’s very open about her online dating and sex life, and I am at a loss. I feel it’s extremely inappropriate for her to share detailed information with me in the workplace. I’m also afraid the guys will hear her and take me less seriously as a professional and equal.

I have tried politely changing the subject, ignoring her or avoiding her, but nothing seems to work. I don’t want to embarrass her by telling her flat out to not discuss her sex life with me, but I’m not sure what else I can do. What would you suggest? — COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: What the woman is doing can be considered sexual harassment, and in most sizable businesses — yours appears to be one — there are policies in place to protect employees. I suggest you tell her that hearing about her sexual escapades makes you uncomfortable and to please stop. And if she doesn’t, discuss it with either human resources or your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My gentleman friend and I are senior citizens who live together. We have acquired a dog and cat. I pay for the cat’s food, vaccinations and litter. He pays for the dog’s food and vaccinations.

Last week my boyfriend accidentally slammed the door on the cat’s tail. Part of it had to be amputated, and the bill for surgery, drugs, cone, etc. came close to $400. Neither of us is hurting financially. Who do you think should foot this bill? — MOTHER OF FUR BABIES

DEAR MOTHER: That poor kitty! I not only think your “gentleman” friend should foot the bill, I think he should have volunteered to do it. If he didn’t, shame on him.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.