Relationships Talk

Hi Brenda,

I have been a big fun of your informative column and I would like advice on a burning issue.

I am 32 years old and married to a 25-year-old woman. We have one child. We’ve been married for three years. I love my spouse and my son so much to a level that I find it difficult staying away from them. However, she recently got a job in a different county far from where I work.

Before she started working our relationship was good and we had open communication and strong intimacy. We did many things together and constantly consulted one another; and even if we had different opinions on an issue, we would agree on the way forward within a short time.

However, this has changed. Communication has become a strain. Sometimes I can call my wife the whole day and she does not pick or return my calls. And when she does pick my calls, she seems uncomfortable talking to me or not interested in talking to me.

I struggle to visit my family every week, travelling a distance of more than 300km on Friday nights and back on Sunday nights, and I rarely have time to relax. But surprisingly, when I visit, my wife seems not to be concerned or even interested in anything about me.

When I want to be intimate, she claims that she is too tired or sleepy. Is this normal? What could be the problem?

Thank you so much for reading!

I want to be honest with you, but I don’t feel like this is good news, so I’m going to put it in the best way possible – the straightforward way.

Something is going on with your wife, and I don’t know what it is. It’s inspiring that you were so close and loved each other so well.

The distance is definitely not helping, but the fact that you are still trying to maintain the intimacy you once knew means something.

Have you tried asking her point blank what is going on? Her behaviour is abnormal, and that kind of abnormal change is triggered by something. I just hope it’s a something and not a someone. I hope this all works out in the end.