Relationships Talk

Dear Carolyn: Is a separation cruel? Prolonging the inevitable? In counseling now but I feel claustrophobic, like we can’t have a conversation without the weight of his fear and my frustration overshadowing everything. If I don’t get some space, there’s no way we’ll make it. If I do, we still might not.

I feel I have no choice here — stay in the marriage and make everyone else happy, or leave and make them all miserable. How do you develop your swimming skills when you are sinking in quicksand? Is it wrong to get out and see if you can make your way back?

Carolyn says: No. It is wrong to act with ulterior motives, but it is not wrong to save yourself first if that is the only way you can envision saving your marriage.