Relationships Talk

It’s a minefield out there, the world of modern dating.

Although we’d all love the idea of being spontaneously swept off our feet at a gig, or in the pub, or at the football, the reality is that many Mancs have looked online to find their match.

According to new research, almost half of all single Mancunians feel overwhelmed by the fast-paced, casual nature of modern dating, and 51% have been without a partner for 10 years or more.

The research done by dating website eHarmony, also found that nearly two thirds of single Mancunians feel like they’ll be single forever.

We spoke to Rachael Lloyd, eHarmony’s relationship expert, to see what works with digital dating – and what will have you stuck in a cycle of singledom.

Before you can actually get down to any dating in this digital world, you’ll need to create a profile.

eharmony relationship expert Rachael Lloyd (Image: Nick McGowan-Lowe)

Rachael advises uploading at least three or four pictures. She said: “Our research has shown that you need to use more than one photo – in fact our users get 10 per cent more interest for every photo they post.”

Choosing that main, lead image is one of the hardest parts of this early step – it is the first impression you’ll be putting out into the world. According to Rachael and the research at eHarmony, full-length photos work best online, rather than a close-up selfie.

For men in particular, activity photos that show you leading an active lifestyle work well – although if your number one hobby is skiing, maybe make sure there’s at least one photo of you not in a balaclava.

“Be careful of any overly suggestive photos,” said Rachael. “If you find a picture of a man with his shirt off, you’re going to make assumptions about what he’s using the dating site or app for. You’re better off to post a realistic photo of you and what you’d look like in a social situation.”

There’s a lot to be said for intrigue and leaving something to the imagination. eHarmony has found that women get 50% more messages when their main image is of them wearing sunglasses (though this doesn’t work as well for men).

Beware of group photos too – your potential match won’t know which one is you – and definitely don’t blur anyone out in the picture.

Once that’s dealt with, you can move on to writing a bio. “You want to be aiming to write between 200 and 250 words,” Rachael said. “Half of men and 36% of women write fewer than 25 words to describe themselves, but users get 50% more messages on eHarmony if they can write around 200 words.

“You want to get your personality across. Write a bit about what you do, what your hobbies are, if you have children. Be honest – say what kind of relationship you’re looking for.

“There’s definitely this fear about being honest about what you really want. If you’re looking for something meaningful, say so!

“You could also write about your personality traits – things like being extroverted or opinionated – and what you’d look for in a compatible partner.”

Less is again more in this section – you can explain that you’re looking for a casual relationship without being explicit or overt about sexual appetite.

If you’re making the first move, the best opening lines tend to be that ones that are personal to your match – ask them about themselves.

That being said, more unusual opening lines will garner more interest that the generic ones being sent round by every other user.

“Being funny is obviously great,” Rachael said. “A bit of self-deprecating humour can work well.

“Surprisingly, we’ve recently seen that philosophical questions do really well on response rates. An example of that is ‘What’s your opinion of traditional gender roles?’

(Image: Photo by Huy Phan on Unsplash)

“Avoid being too political or opinionated, start a chat with an open mind, but don’t be afraid to start with an interesting subject.”

Ask a lot of questions before meeting up with someone to make sure you’re compatible on paper, then when you are feeling keen for a face-to-face meeting, keep it casual.

A fifth of men feel that they’re not wealthy enough for dating, but you don’t need to splash the cash on a flash dinner for your first date.

“Keep it simple,” said Rachael. “Go for a coffee or a drink. Give it an hour and see if you click. An evening’s a long time to commit to someone you don’t even know yet, and you don’t want either person to feel under pressure or awkwardly staring across a table at each other.

“Then look at doing an activity on your second date – go for a nice walk, or play crazy golf. Something that’s more engaging.”

The research has shown that 38% of single Mancunians feel that their low self-esteem has had an impact on their dating lives.

“Dating anxiety’s very common, and the stats in Manchester reflect what’s going on nationwide.

“It’s a bit like exercising though. The more you do it and the more you exercise that muscle, the easier it gets.

“Just remember that even if a date goes terribly, it’ll make a good story to tell your mates!

“Try not to put too much pressure on the evening or feel like you have to fancy your date. You can have a nice experience and a good chat without having to be attracted to one another. Just go into it thinking ‘I want to have a good time’, and you will.”

In light of the stats about single Mancunians, eHarmony are launching the Manchester Love Challenge, featuring bespoke dating advice, special offers and video content. See here for more details.

Part of this will be Love Decoded, a chat between Rachael, Mancunian psychologist Emma Kenny, and psychotherapist Lucy Beresford that will be live-streamed on eHarmony’s Facebook page on Tuesday November 13. This will be followed by an #AskMeAnything Q&A on Twitter with Emma Kenny.

Manchester Evening News readers have a special opportunity to ask Emma Kenny questions in a special Facebook Live on our Facebook page on November 21.

You can also submit your questions via the form below ahead of the Facebook Live session.