How do I forgive the person I never want to see again?: Ask Ellie – TheSpec.com
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Dedicated Wife
A: Your brother and his wife were purposefully rude and obnoxious, offending everyone. This wasn’t new from the one sibling who’s long defied everything the rest of his family believes. However, your husband’s forgiveness as he faces the end of his life is the overriding decision.
He’s sending you all a strong message — that forgiveness is as much a part of Christianity as praying together. The fact that it’s often difficult to muster is what connects forgiveness to your faith.
He believes you can do this: accept your brother and sister-in-law and stay close to their daughter as you have in the past. Just don’t discuss religion together or include him in your Christian celebrations.
Reader’s commentary: Regarding the couple who constantly fights over whether the bride will take the groom’s last name (Dec. 29):
Reader 1: “I, too, was engaged to a fantastic guy who was not happy about my decision not to change my name to his.
“What we came to realize was that our name-change disagreement was a symptom of profoundly different ideas about gender roles in general, and especially gender roles in marriage.
“We ultimately broke up, and I’ve now been married for over 15 years to someone whose ideas of male and female roles in marriage are far more fluid and far more compatible with my own — and who, no surprise, had no issue at all with my preference for keeping my own name.
“From what I’ve heard, my ex-fiancé is happily married to someone who is more compatible with him.
“I bear him no ill will — I still think of him as a great guy, just not a great guy for me! — but I’m so glad that this issue helped guide us to some difficult discussions about what we each wanted from marriage.”
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.
Follow @ellieadvice.
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Dedicated Wife
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.
Follow @ellieadvice.
