How To Change Her Mind If She Thinks You're A Player
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Aren’t we just playing the game?
If you’re dating a lot of women, it’s inevitable that one or two of your dates may accuse you of being a “player.” She might do it overtly (“You’re a player!”) or more subtly (“I bet you take all the girls here!”), but either way, it probably won’t be a very fun conversation. It’s also not going to help your chances of being with this particular girl.
When a girl accuses me of being a player, I know that if I don’t turn the conversation around really quickly, she’s a lost cause. Let’s take a look at some great dating advice and things you can do when this situation comes up.
1. Understand why you might be giving off a player vibe.
To be honest, I haven’t been accused of being a player in a while. I’m 33 and I’ve slept with a lot of women, but I work hard not to give off that vibe.
Girls will start to suspect that you’re a player if you give it away in how you present yourself. Remember, on a first date, she’s analyzing your clothing, your speech, the way you interact with her, and the way you interface with the world around you.
When you’re talking to girls, notice your word choice. What were you doing right before she accused you of being a player? Little things, like seeming too familiar with the places you’re taking her and reciting rehearsed speeches, can tip her off. If you’re too practiced, she’ll notice.
I’ve had 8 million different girls that knew I had 8 million different girls. They know they won’t hear from me again after tomorrow. But they don’t care because I’m not acting like some “player.” I’m being natural, we’re having fun, and I’m not putting off any weird vibes.
2. Handle it in the moment.
No matter what I do to try and avoid being told I’m a player, some girls will insist on having this conversation. It’s a way of testing you to see how you’ll handle the confrontation. Here’s how I deal with it in the moment.
In response to her direct comment, “You’re a player,” I’ll respond, “That’s an excellent compliment. I wish people saw me that way but I’m really just this goofy, geeky guy trying to get a nice girl to fall in love with me.”
Then I throw this big grin at her. This is the smile that suggests that despite my genuine speech about being some loser who just wants to pop out kids in suburbia, I’m actually not a total jerk. This will totally screw with her and deflect any confrontation.
Let’s say that she throw out something subtler like, “I bet you bring all your girls here.” I’ll respond with a comment that’s completely preposterous and absurd: “Only five or six of them. Two of them I regret bringing here, but four of them really liked it. To be honest, I need a bigger sample size, which is why I’m waiting to see what you think.”
Exaggerate with absurdity in the situation and she’ll back down.
3. But know what to do if she keeps pushing.
Sometimes a girl won’t let you deflect and she’ll keep pushing to get a response out of you. When this happens and my joking, deflection and exaggerations don’t distract her, I get really somber for a moment.
I’ll respond with, “Listen, here’s the deal. I do go out a lot, because I’m looking for a special person who really cares about me, too. So it makes me feel really uncomfortable that you keep pushing me about this. I think you’re a cool chick and I’d rather just keep having fun if it’s all the same to you.”
The lesson: Handle a girl’s accusations under pressure by deflecting and joking about them. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to get genuine to get her off your back and continue having a good time.
Robbie Kramer is the founder of Inner Confidence and has over a decade of experience guiding men to success in the pursuit of women, social/relationship skills, lifestyle design and achieving an unshakable sense of inner confidence.
