Husband's ex keeps popping up all over the place
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Dear Annie: My husband’s first marriage ended when his son was 6 and his daughter was 3. His children are now 25 and 22 and have their own children.
My husband and I have been together for nine years and married for four years. His ex-wife remarried 12 years ago, but she is not happy in her marriage. We talked about the kids when we needed to when they were under 18, and we still all share in the grandkids’ birthday parties. Otherwise, after the divorce, she didn’t associate with my husband’s family until he and I got married.
She has now friend requested all his family members and friends on Facebook. Every time I make a comment on one of their posts, she jumps on and comments. She kept his last name, so I get to see that, as well, with every comment. Now she has gotten a job within a few miles of my husband’s work. It’s at a bar her sister owns, and she takes shift pictures letting people know she is there and eager to serve them, and those pix go to all my husband’s family and friends every weekend, including my husband.
I can’t warm up to my supportive family with the ex always in the picture. My husband doesn’t see a problem with it, but I feel she is so unhappily married she would love to have my husband back.
I am at a point of giving up. It is one thing having to see her for birthdays; it’s a whole other thing that she pops up everywhere. This woman never comments on the pages of his family members or friends unless I do first. What is going on?! Help!
— Ex-Wife Issues
Dear Ex-Wife Issues: First, try to keep in mind the possibility that she isn’t trying to bother you — that you’re reading too much into her posts and it’s all purely coincidence.
But if she is trying to get your goat, I’ve got great news: You don’t have to give it to her. Rise above it however you can, even if that means tuning it out; you can block her account in your Facebook settings so that you no longer see her posts and get notifications when she comments on the same things as you.
And if your in-laws occasionally catch up with your husband’s ex-wife, so be it. She is the mother of their niece and nephew or their grandchildren and was a part of the family for many years. They can love her without loving you any less.
What’s most important is that you have a strong relationship with your husband, and from the sound of it, all is well in that department.
Dear Annie: I recently moved into a new apartment building. Last week, I woke up in the middle of the night to loud yelling. I am a very heavy sleeper, and nothing ever wakes me up, but this did — and my windows were closed.
What concerns me most is the yelling sounded like domestic abuse, as there were also sounds of shoving. In the moment, I felt terrified and unsure of what to do.
In such situations, is it appropriate to call the police? My building does not have a security person, but I did inform my building manager the next day. He didn’t seem to care. I haven’t heard any neighbors yelling since, but I am worried about the safety of my building and about the potentially dangerous person who lives here.
— Sleep-Deprived and Scared
Dear Sleep-Deprived and Scared: Yes, calling 911 is the appropriate step to take in such situations. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, and you might end up helping someone get out of a very dangerous situation. For more information, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, at www.thehotline.org, or call (800) 799-7233.
Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.
