Relationships Talk

HOW far would you go to make him put a ring on it?

Controversial dating coach Sami Wunder claims wannabe wives should scrap playing cosy couples when they want their bloke to propose — and make him sit up and take notice by seeing other guys.

Love guru reveals how to land and keep Mr Right – from dating other men to when to say ‘I love you’

Self-styled “Get The Ring” teacher Sami has been helping women find men and persuade them to go down on one knee for the past two years.
And so far her unconventional commitment-capturing methods, dubbed “rotational dating”, have resulted in 96 engagements, numerous pregnancies and many more happy-ever-afters.

German-based Sami’s tactics came from her own experience as she tried to find a soulmate.

The 29-year-old, who previously worked as a consultant for an international development organisation, says: “Eight years ago I was single, going through an intense dating period and I knew something had to change.

This image file can be used under licence provided any use has been agreed with Carl Fox a

‘Get The Ring’ teacher Sami has been helping wanabe wives for the past two years

“I wanted marriage and kids but men I met just wanted to go to the bedroom.

“I wasn’t OK with being test driven. It was heart-breaking and it made me feel cheap.

“I saw one man for two months and really thought he was The One — until he ended it. That was when I realised I was treating men as the prize and I needed to be the prize for them.”

Sami’s dating lightbulb moment came from watching how love rivals would successfully bag their diamonds.

She noticed some women who went on to land their dream man initially stayed cool around the object of their affections.

Instead of clamouring for ­official girlfriend status, they were still playing the field and continuing to have other flings.

Sami, who calls the women she coaches The Wunder Divas, says: “I saw the best way to get a man to commit was to decline being his girlfriend in the beginning and to continue seeing other men. The more you like a man, the more you need to step back from him. Don’t chase him, don’t ask him where it’s going, do not let him become the catch – remember YOU are the prize.”

COLLECT

Original ‘Wunder Diva’ Sami found husband Chris by following the Seven C’s and Three A’s rulebook

Soon afterwards Sami, who is originally from India but ­currently commutes between the UK and her home in Germany, met her husband Chris, who works in the aerospace industry.

They met while both studying at the University of Berlin.

Sensing the 31-year-old was The One, she tested out her new multiple dating — or “rotational” — tactics. She refused to commit and continued dating other guys unless Chris was prepared to be her “forever man”.

Sami says: “After two months Chris and I went for lunch and he said, ‘Where is this going? I’d like you to be my girlfriend’.

“I told him I really liked him but I didn’t want to be any man’s girlfriend. I wanted a ­family, kids and to settle down and I would not accept any ­commitment less than marriage.

“Of course I didn’t want to put pressure on him and it was his choice to stay or leave. But until he made a solid offer, I said I would like to keep my options open in a non-sexual way and be open to the man who was ready for a full commitment.

“I still remember his first ­reaction — shock, disbelief and silence. We kissed goodbye and I did not hear from him for two days. Then he asked me out again. On our next date he told me I had really ‘made him think’ about what he wanted out of this, and he would love to see where the relationship could go.”

Getty – Contributor

If you want to find and keep The One, do Not use the Seven C’s

It worked, and nine months later the couple married. It is now five years since their wedding and they have a two-year-old son, Aaron.

After achieving her dream of having a family, Sami realised her rotational dating insights could help other unlucky-in-love ladies secure fiancée status.

Sami says: “Rotational dating simply means dating more than one guy at a time, and that when you meet someone you think could be your future life-partner, you should initially refuse to be his girlfriend.

“You continue spending time with other men and only offer your commitment and exclusivity to a man who is prepared to offer you the same in return.

Getty – Contributor

But Do implement the Three A’s and Sami says you’ll get him to commit

“Be upfront about it. Explain that, for now, you are still seeing other people and tell him if you sleep with them you will say so.

“The method is for women who know they want to settle down and be a wife.

“It isn’t manipulation. It’s about owning your worth in front of men and not wasting time accepting less than you want. If you want marriage and multiple dating means the guy you like stops calling you and disappears, then he is not interested enough.”

Sami, who also refers to herself as a Get-Wildly-Successful-At-Love coach, insists her dating advice is not necessarily about passionate bed-hopping.

She says: “Seeing several men doesn’t mean sleeping with them all.

If you want to have sex on your different dates then it’s your shout. But I would always advise holding off as long as possible.

Alamy

Rememebr, YOU are the prize – not him – so hold off and don’t waste your time

“Instead, have connection dates. Go for coffee or walks and talk.

Not having sex won’t frighten a man if he’s serious about you.

“Always remember you want him to crave that commitment with you.”

Sami claims she has advised around 40,000 women worldwide on love through her online and offline dating communities. But, once you have secured a rock and made your vows, it takes work to make the relationship last and Sami says the key is having distinct individual roles.

She says: “A ­couple needs one partner to have masculine energy and the other to have feminine energy.

“Masculine energy means things such as planning, seizing the lead and taking action. And the role of feminine energy is to receive it, to be soft, allow things and to be in the moment.

“It’s OK if a woman wants to have the masculine energy, but I believe in a couple women should apply their feminine energy. It’s not about being weak or a doormat. Men enjoy being masculine.”

Sami also says coupled-up women should avoid what she labels the “seven Cs”. She explains: “Criticising, complaining, comparing, coddling, correcting, controlling and changing. All of these will push men away.”

Instead, they should implement the “three As”, which are to ­appreciate, accept and affirm their man. These, she insists, will inspire his love.

She says: “With the obvious exceptions of unreasonable ­behaviour, stop trying to change your man and accept that his habits are here to stay. Men will never respond to nagging. They thrive on appreciation.”

Sami also cautions that women should not be lulled into saying the L-word too early.

She says: “Even if you’re ­feeling the urge, don’t rush into saying, ‘I love you’. It’s better if he says it to you first.”

Sami’s one-on-one love coaching does not come cheap. Packages start from just under £1,750 — while a five-month intensive programme, designed to help women attract a partner and get that proposal — costs £13,300. For even more loaded singletons, six months of individual coaching will cost £26,000.

But those without that kind of cash should not despair.
Sami also offers free advice online at samiwunder.com, or you can buy her e-book dating manual, called Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment, for £14.

And despite protests from some members of the opposite sex about her methods, which can seem designed to cold-heartedly “hook” them, Sami insists: “I’m not anti-men. I love them.

“Blokes think I’m against them but they aren’t honest with themselves about what they want.

“They try to fight it but really they like it, that’s why it works.”