Our unlucky-in-love girl gets back into British men — but only on paper

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JUST once I’d like to get through an online date without picturing what I’ll eat when I get home.

Pete was a Hinge find and he seemed my type on paper.

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Tinderella met Pete on Hinge a web developer she had mates in common with and they shared same taste in movies and music

Yes a web developer (nobody’s perfect) . . . but we had mates in common and the same taste in movies and music.

But I should have known we weren’t a match when he gave me a rollicking for ignoring a message from him.

We first got chatting in April but then I got busy at work and, well, I ghosted him.

A month and a half later, he sends a reminder hi.

 Tinderella needed wake-up sex, weekend sex, just-back-from-work sex . . . not a bi-annual holiday shag Hence Pete.

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Tinderella needed wake-up sex, weekend sex, just-back-from-work sex . . . not a bi-annual holiday shag Hence Pete.

Fresh from having my underseat storage inspected by moped mogul Daniel in Spain, I replied.

Yes! I thought. It’s time to get back into British men.

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I need wake-up sex, weekend sex, just-back-from-work sex… not a bi-annual holiday shag. Hence Pete.

He really made me work for this date and I secretly loathed him for it before we even met.

I explained I’d taken a break from online dating apps and was sorry to go AWOL. He replied: “Oh, shame you didn’t warn me.

“Came across a bit rude to be honest.”

I apologised again and suggested we finally get that drink we mentioned. He fired back: “It would be good to see if we’ve got anything in common first.

“I don’t have time to meet every single person I match with on online dating services, so I prefer to check the above before meeting.

 A new study shows we decide if we fancy someone in the first 15 minutes of a date but Tinderella thinks it's closer to 15 seconds after an encounter with web developer Pete

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A new study shows we decide if we fancy someone in the first 15 minutes of a date but Tinderella thinks it’s closer to 15 seconds after an encounter with web developer Pete

“I’d rather have a pleasant date with no chemistry, than an unpleasant one because you have nothing in common.”

I vaguely knew he was right. Sighing at what a practical bastard life often is, I messaged him.

“OK that makes sense. Fire over that questionnaire!” He messaged back: “They’re on my profile. I made a short list.” Urgh.

I find said questions about my life, career, hopes dreams and grit my teeth as I elaborate.

Two weeks later, we meet at the pub and it’s almost instantly a write-off. A new study shows we decide if we fancy someone in the first 15 minutes of a date.

I reckon it’s closer to 15 seconds – I decided Pete wasn’t my man the second he kissed me hello.

Tentative, awkward, lipless – it was like a peck at Christmas from the vicar.

My ovaries shrivelled, my womb switched over to Foyle’s War and my clitoris went to bed with a good book instead.

An hour later, I’m nursing a rum and Coke as he tells me about his job. “So they said I couldn’t work from home but basically I told Ian I was working from the Worthing office that week and then… ”

Mmmm, Pringles. Classic Pringles with a chicken baguette.

Maybe get a bit of avo in there. And lots of butter. Mmmm.

“ . . . so this whole week I’ve just been hanging out at my flat and none of them have a clue.”

I feel like I don’t have a clue either. How do women do this?