Relationships Talk

Dear Christopher,

Ever since I went to a fetish club as a dare in my first week of university, I’ve wanted to try BDSM. But every boyfriend has run a mile when I’ve suggested it. I’m currently two months into a relationship with a guy I really, really like and I want to raise it without scaring him off. How do I broach the subject?

Leather Lover, 23, New Cross

Dear Leather Lover,

Well done you for exploring your sexuality and knowing what you want. Being sexually frustrated so early in a relationship is a big no-no. It will inevitably build resentment: being unfulfilled will make you a very unhappy bunny. I also have a love for leather, however it can be intimidating to others (why? I have no idea). I suggest introducing it into your daily wardrobe: a black leather pencil skirt will get his attention while whetting his appetite for what is to come. Compatibility and enjoying shared experiences is essential to a relationship. You are a strong woman: own your body and mind, be empowered by your sexual tastes and never falter from your natural desires. We all have to kiss a few frogs before we get our Prince Charming.

Dear Christopher,

I’m in a loving relationship with my husband, with three grown-up daughters whom I adore. But when it comes to sex, I’m afraid he’s just not interested any more. I’ve tried wearing shorter skirts and stockings; I even did the hoovering up in a bra and knickers but to no avail. What to do? 

Kim, 53, Wood Green

Dear Kim,

I feel for you, but hang on in there, you clearly love your husband very much. Put a halt to the desperate housewife peep show as this could be making the problem worse. I would advise talking to him, asking him to open up and share his feelings: he may well be going through the man-o-pause (yes, it is a recognised condition). I would also try a more subtle approach. I am a big fan of The Joy of Sex book: perhaps you could leave a copy of it on his bedside table as it never fails to get one in the mood. Failing that, many women find an intimate battery-operated device works for them. 

Christopher Kane AW18

Dear Christopher,

My friends tell me I’m attractive for my age with a trim figure, and I dress in a stylish way, keep my hair coloured and like to go out with friends for drinks and dancing. But, for the life of me, I cannot attract a decent man on Tinder. Please, please can you advise me on a fashionable, sexy look to suit my age (I’m 47) which will attract a good and kind man who likes a kiss and a cuddle. 

Denise, 47, Crouch End 

Dear Denise,

Believe it or not, there are thousands of people just like you in the UK facing the dilemmas of dating. I’m a big believer in looking good: how you dress is important as it tells the world what you are about. Have a look on my website: I have a stunning black velvet fitted lace dress (right) which is sexy and elegant. Ideally, Tinder isn’t the way to go for a long-term relationship. I’ve found that since I got my puppy, Bruce, I meet all walks of life in the park. Love will find you in the most unexpected places. Stay fabulous and please stop trying so hard: the ‘eau de desperation’ can be quite pungent. 

Christopher Kane AW18

Dear Christopher,

The #MeToo movement has left me nervous to approach, let alone flirt with, a woman in a bar. Who even does that any more? But as a recently separated straight man, I find the dating scene has changed in the past seven or so years I’ve been out of it. What’s even correct? What’s my opening line? I’ve never been one for cheesy chat-ups. ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ What’s allowed? What’s not? I’m petrified. 

Marc, 35, Tooting 

Dear Marc, 

This is a good start to thoughtful, successful dating. You are not alone: many men are freaking out about how to navigate modern dating etiquette. Some people like a cheesy joke, some people 

like the direct approach. As you’re a bit rusty, take it one step at a time to build your confidence. Practice makes perfect! Follow the three golden rules: 1. Be nothing less than a gentleman. 2. Be yourself 3. Keep your expectations reasonable. Everyone loves a compliment, but keep them clean. This dating malarkey can take a bit of time.