Relationships Talk

I’ve always been more of a listener rather than a talker, and thus have been fortunate enough to discover that wisdom can come from many sources.  Outdoorsmen are notorious advice givers as are parents, wives, and now it seems my children. I’ve also received some valuable instruction where unspoken words were the medium. That’s probably confusing but I’ll explain it later.  

I’m also an avid reader and have realized that sound advice can also be gleaned from the written word if you look in the right places. Lewis Grizzard was a prime source of unearthing pithy counseling, especially if you are a good old Southern boy.

As we all know not every tidbit of guidance tossed our way is worthy of our attentions. Some of it is suspect, some ludicrous and much is just pure hogwash.  We must learn to weed through the rubbish in order to get to the stuff that really makes sense.

Today I offer you my own advice as handed down to me from several different sources and covering a variety of topics from outdoor sports to general life living guidelines. I hope you will not have to cull too much here because what I am presenting to you today is pure poetry. Ignore it at your peril.

One day I was bemoaning the loss of my fishing rods and tackle box.  

“I can’t believe someone took them right out of the boat,” was my thought.  Strangely enough, I later ran into a religious proverb that went like this: “Pray to Allah, but tie your camel.”  

See where I’m going here.  

Good advice doesn’t have to come in the form of complex or lengthy discussions.

Those same proverbs came in handy later on when rain and wind kept me and my fishing partner from heading out to the lake. My best recollection is that it said: “Sunshine all the time makes a desert.”  

That book of proverbs had some pretty concise advice. 

Fishing on Sunday morning during church hours is always a touchy subject around our house. My wife is not in favor of this activity no matter how good the fish are biting. I needed a comeback for her and a little research gave me just what I was looking for. An ancient Babylonian proverb astutely addresses this problem. It reads: “The gods do not deduct from a man’s allotted span of life the hours spent fishing.”  

Sounded brilliant to me but it didn’t work.

Daddy was always full of it (good advice that is) and he showered pithy one-liners on us. I’ve discussed some of these in earlier articles such as, “Don’t worry about the mule going blind, just load the wagon.”  

Roughly translated this means get your hind parts back to shoveling gravel and I’ll make sure the truck cranks.

Amazingly enough Daddy also had a proverb of his own where no words were actually spoken. It was a takeoff on the “toe meets leather” football saying. His was more of the “toe meets back side” variety, and there was no rough translation on that one. It was very specific in nature. It was simple, direct and brief and went like this: “Do not ever do that again.”  

Whether you were loafing in the butterbean patch or trying to sneak back into the house inebriated after curfew it carried the same message.

As mentioned earlier I also seek advice by reading. While looking for marital advice I once found a quote by Robert Heinlein that was quite enlightening. It said in part that, “Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to it.” I have now been married for more than 35 years and that bit of wisdom may be the linchpin to that run of success.

I have also read up some on child rearing and to my chagrin ran upon an Irish proverb that said, “A wild goose never raises a tame gosling.”  

After thinking that one over I now pray for my children’s safety each night they are away from me.

Perhaps the most dependable purveyor of sound wisdom of the millennia was Lewis Grizzard. His advice and opinions on various thorny topics have saved many a southerner from despair and ruin.

On marriage old Lewis spouted, “Don’t marry. Just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house.”

On clawing your way to the top of the corporate food chain he observed, “If you ain’t the lead dog the scenery never changes.”

On the instantaneous removal of Yankees from Atlanta he handed out this advice:   “In case of nuclear war, if you are a southerner take I-75 and head north or south immediately. If you are a Yankee get on I-285 and stay on it.”

As we wind up our session here are a couple of other things I’ve learned from various sources.

This one came from one of my favorite authors, the late Patrick McManus and it goes something like this: “There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot so make sure you buy good equipment so you will at least look like you know what you are doing.”

Finally, one that I came up with based on my own personal experience. Here’s how that one goes: “Endeavor not to be guilty of poor time management. I spend most of my time fishing. The rest I just waste.”

Selah.

Send your pithy advice to dar8589@bellsouth.net.