Relationships Talk

To all my single readers, young and old . . .

Make growing close with the Lord your first priority. Read your Bible because you want to truly know Him, not just out of duty. Spend time in conversation with the Lord on a daily basis. Pray for your future spouse. Spend time in private worship, what ever that looks like for you. It could be singing along to Christian radio in the car, Bible art journaling, or dancing before Him as you make dinner in the kitchen. Write letters to Him like you would a trusted friend.

Don’t waste your single years. It can be easy to feel as if we are not complete without a spouse when in Colossians the Apostle Paul tells us we have been made complete in Christ. Travel. Serve in your church and community. Find a group of single believers for friendship, discipleship and accountability. Never stop learning. Focus on becoming the right person, instead of constantly looking for the right person.

Know what is important to you in a future spouse and don’t compromise. Because of my mother’s failed marriage to my father, from a young age I knew how important it is to choose a mate wisely. First and foremost, I knew that he had to be someone who had a strong and growing faith in Jesus. Like my former pastor, Lon Solomon, says, “Find someone who is a ‘better’ Christian than you and convince them to marry you.”

To my readers who are currently in dating relationships . . .

Be honest about whether you can see yourself marrying the person you are with. If not, then there is no point in continuing dating them. You are just wasting each other’s time and possibly missing the one God has waiting for you.

Set clear boundaries in your physical relationship. People are always amazed when we tell them that the first time we kissed each other was on the alter on our wedding day. While there is nothing inherently wrong with kissing before you are married, we both felt God leading us years before we met one another to make the commitment to never kiss anyone again until marriage.

I tell people when you set the bar really high and fail, you haven’t truly failed. But when you have no standards or boundaries, you open yourself up to a host of potential issues and difficulties.

Our commitment was and continues to be a blessing in our lives. Before we were married, we were able to focus on getting to know each other instead of being swept up in a physical relationship. It allowed us to be much more clearheaded than we could have been otherwise. Our physical relationship is all the sweeter for having waited and we are able to come to one another without any guilt or shame.

Pray with each other daily. Read the Bible with one another. Worship together. Find a church you can both agree on and attend it on a regular basis. Seek guidance from mature, married believers. True story, Steve and I went to premarital counseling two weeks after we started dating. We felt like our relationship had the potential to be something special and we wanted to make sure we didn’t mess it up. In hindsight, I think our pastor thought we were a little crazy!

On the morning of our wedding I asked the Lord to give me a verse for our marriage. As I randomly leafed through my Bible, my eyes fell upon this verse from Psalm 127, “Unless the Lord builds the house the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.”

Allow the Lord to be the builder and guardsman over your relationship. When you do, you will be able to withstand the tests of time. Steven, I love you with all of my heart and am so thankful and blessed to be your wife. You truly are my favorite person in the whole wide world.