Relationships Talk

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You need to make decisions. However, after you make decisions, comes commitments. I took a huge interest in multiple fields from finance, psychology and music through my teens and early twenties. However, I realized that making decisions and then committing to them is what differentiates a man to a boy.

Here are the seven things differentiates a man to a boy.

• Take Responsibility

The first thing that makes a boy a man is to take responsibility for his life. To do this, he has to take responsibility for micro life choices. He has to figure out what he wants for his relationships, career and life.

This is much easier said than done. Choosing your education, peers and influences are going to dictate your life. You need to make decisions and then commit to them.

• Learn How to Attract Women the Right Way

I wished I had a mentor figure in this area of my life. However, I didn’t, and mostly read myself into it. I struggled in this area of my life in my earlier twenties. I had problems attracting girls that I wanted, and had to learn everything from down up from how to approach a stranger to starting a conversation.

There’s the matured way to approach one’s dating life: through authenticity. There’s the immature way to approach one’s dating life: through lies and manipulation. If you’re a man, the truth is enough, there’s no need for lies or deception.

• Be of Value to the World

Thirdly, I believe that a huge part of being a man is to be of value to the world. You need to be of use to the world. You need skillsets, you need to be able to create, you need to be able to do something of value to the world.

Value is up to you to decide. Find something you’re passionate about and become good at it.

• Express Yourself

The making of modern masculinity isn’t of one that of a macho veneer. The making modern masculinity is one of David Deida describes, one that is able to be stoic, yet express traditionally non-masculine traits.

The difference between a boy and a man is that a man is able to express himself. He knows he’s only human and he’s able to express negative emotions such as hurt and sadness. It’s only the boys that still reside in the stereotypical macho identities.

• The Ability to Self Criticize and Self Reflect

The difference between a boy and a man is the ability to self criticize his own behavior. This is a trait that a lot of men are uncomfortable doing. However, by trying to better your flaws, you separate yourself from the pack. The man from the boys.

I wasted years running away from a business strategy that made a lot of sense in the long run. If I had gotten it right from the start, I’ll be further ahead in life and goals. However, I purposely ignored it and choose to use short term strategies in my business. I wasn’t able to self criticize and self reflect.

• Have a Purpose: Have a Noble Goal

Being of value to the world isn’t enough. Everybody can be of value to the world if they tried. It’s harder to have a noble goal. One goal that requires years of sacrifice to pursue.

I started reading dating advice in my earlier 20s because I want a girlfriend. However, that goal evolved to being a better man. That later evolved to helping others become a better man. Now, I am passionate about psychology, knowledge in general and my goal is to reach as many people as possible.

Superficial goals such as money, women and status are chased by boys. Noble goals such as meaning and significance are set by men.

• Having the Right Men Around You

Lastly, the thing that separates boys from men is the people you have around you. This is really difficult to do if you come from an Asian culture or an isolated city like Singapore. You’re going to spend your time with your colleagues, your school friends and to surround yourself the right person around you can be a challenge.

The best person that knows what’s the best for you is you. Not your parents and not your best friends. Throughout my twenties, I was always hungry for knowledge. I always searched for the best ways to live or to do things. However, my thirst for knowledge almost always reflects an inadequacy on the people around me. That caused a lot of social tension. It came to the point where I’d rather be alone, than to spend time with people who I didn’t really connect with.

I’d like to quote Charlie Munger on this: “Acquire worldly wisdom and adjust your behavior accordingly. If you new behavior gives you a little temporary unpopularity with your peer group, then to hell with them.’

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