Tag Archives: dating advice
Risky Tips [With Kate Quigley]: My Girlfriend Is Suffocating Me
This week on “Risky Tips,” comedian Kate Quigley has some suggestions for a man who seems to get too much attention from his suffocating girlfriend. Poor bastard. Join us for the latest edition of frisky dating advice with our favorite podcast personality. When you’re done here, check out the latest episode of #DateFails at the bottom.
Whattup KQ!
My girlfriend is kind of needy. She wants to be with me all the time, but I like alone time. Can you please help?
Thanks for the laughs,
Loner Boyfriend
Hey there, Loner BF!
This is an especially interesting question for me because I have definitely been “that girl” at times. It’s usually before they’re my boyfriend though. Guys seem to be more “needy,” as you call it, right at the beginning when they’re trying to win you over. I’m sure you’ve been that guy once or twice.
Even if you love alone time, I have found that most guys, when they’re really into a girl, tend to try and make sure there are no other men competing. Whether they do it with a little over-texting or asking what you’re up to every night, men definitely can get a bit clingy when they’re trying to claim their stake. Some women do this early on as well, but most of my girlfriends tend to be much more chill until we actually hold the “girlfriend” title.
That seems to be the turning point where most men want more space, and most women want to leave a toothbrush, tampons and a toolbox of makeup at your house. How the hell do you navigate this mess? It’s a tricky one, but fortunately, I have quite a bit of experience in this department.
Most of the time, when a woman wants to be around you constantly, it’s not really because she’s so insanely in love with you that she just can’t get enough. No one wants to be around the same person all the time. We all need breaks from everyone, but if she insists on being around you 24/7, I would suggest it’s because somewhere, deep inside, she has a fear of losing you. Or a fear of what will happen if she’s not there.
This may not be your fault in any way. It may be her issue completely, and it’s certainly not healthy, but it is common. It may even be something she could use therapy for. Perhaps someone cheated on her, or maybe her father left when she was young, or someone died or ghosted on her unexpectedly, and she has been left with massive abandonment issues! Not that I’m speaking from experience here at all (clears throat). Any of this could lead to her being a bit clingy, possibly even trying to control your actions (again, totally not speaking from experience).
I have a few suggestions for you…
Give Her An All-Access Pass
Give her a key (if she doesn’t have one already). OK now, hear me out: an open invite to come by whenever she wants (not move in). Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. “Isn’t this the exact opposite of more space?” Well, yes and no.
The school of thought is, if you let your kid have an occasional beer, it shows them that drinking isn’t that exciting. Then they will drink less recklessly when party time comes. Same theory here. If she can see you any time, it shows that you’re not going anywhere or doing anything behind her back that you’re worried about her seeing. So then, hopefully, she feels less need to be around you constantly. The more you make it completely apparent that you want to be with her, the more relaxed she should become with you taking space.
This kind of full transparency in relationships has always really worked for me. But everyone is different.
Let’s Play: Make A Deal
I wish I knew more about your relationship. Are you living together? Do you ever want to live together? If you’re not, and you know you never want to, this would be a great time to have a talk about wanting different things and either slowing down or breaking up. Sounds like she’s going to want to live with you eventually if she’s already trying to be with you 24/7.
If you do live together, make a deal. There’s something she loves that she would wish you would do more of. What could that be? Does she love when you shop with her? Does she love a foot massage? Think of something she really enjoys, but she knows you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t love her (and going down on her doesn’t count, but helps!).
If you give her something she wants, like a foot rub, especially when she knows you hate feet, she’s more likely to be open-minded with you when it comes to something you want. During said foot rub, you could maybe put in a request of your own, say, more “me time” for yourself. Functioning relationships are all about quid pro quos. Both of you have to put out a little, even if you don’t always want to.
In my opinion, if you ask her for this and she can’t agree to it, you have every right to find someone who can. Alone time is massively important. It helps you recharge the way vacation does for work.
Buy Her Off: Gifts to Get Her Out of the House
This is slightly conniving, but it is Risky Tips, after all. If you’re positive you want to stay with her, the negotiating and all-access pass didn’t work, and you happen to have a little disposable income, then just keep buying her gift (trips to the spa, concert tickets, maybe go bold with a weekend getaway for her and a girlfriend). She’ll see you as generous and you get what you want, even if it is a little manipulative.
If you love this third option, and it’s still not working for you, (full transparency) I’m currently single, and you should dump her and date me (just kidding, unless you’re into it).
Best of luck! Please let me know what happens!
Kate
Follow Kate on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube.
Camila Cabello is dating someone new and they might just be the most random couple ever
It turns out the speculation is true.
There has been a lot of talk in recent months that Camila Cabello is in a relationship with British dating coach, Matthew Hussey and the rumours are surprisingly correct.
They might just be one of the best looking couples we’ve ever seen too!
The twenty-one-year-old Havana singer confirmed her romance with Matthew, who is ten years her senior, in a recent Marie Claire interview.
Chatting to the publication, Camila opened up about her relationship for the first time. She seems besotted with Matthew saying:
“He’s so similar to me. In person, we’re just weird and silly and stupid together. He makes me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
She also revealed that although the pair have been together for a significant period of time she still gets butterflies around him:
“It’s annoying, because we’ve been together for kind of like a long time now, but every time, I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I have to talk now.’”
Matthew is best known for his appearance on the MTV show, Plain Jane and for his YouTube channel, in which he offers subscribers dating and life advice.
Camilla shot to fame on the X Factor USA over five years ago when she was put into the band, Fifth Harmony, a band that was intended to be the female rival of One Direction.
She left the band over a year ago and has since become an award-winning female solo artist, with Havana being one of Spotify’s most-streamed songs by a solo female artist in its history, with more than a billion streams.
Camila is currently supporting Taylor Swift on tour while also embarking on a solo tour of her self-titled album, Camila.
It’s definitely a random match, but you can’t deny they’re both babes.
He broke up with his girlfriend at 19, but is now a dating and life coach in Singapore
Just before entering National Service in Singapore, Marcus Neo, then 19, broke up with his girlfriend, whom he was in a serious relationship with. This incident left him heartbroken and his self-confidence hit rock bottom.
Since he came from a martial arts background, he had a 9am to 5pm job as a self-defence instructor in the military during his national service. So he had a lot of free time. He decided to use this free time to read tons of books — on dating.
“For a typical Asian kid, sex, dating and relationships are important things in life. However, most of these things revolve around luck and fate. This is when I decided to learn how dating really works,” he tells me.
At the military, Neo had only one objective in mind — to impress and fall in love with good-looking girls. So during his breaks, he would go out and meet with different girls. He would study them and apply the tips he got from the books to impress them.
He would spend a lot of time getting numbers from girls then read and analyse their text messages to improve his communication skills.
Also Read: How a lazy student who caught and sold spiders transformed himself into a successful founder
“So for the next few years, I invested most of my time in acquiring various social skills, and I successfully did. I thought to myself that if I could change my luck with girls, I could change my luck with anything — including my finances,” says Neo.
This is how MarcusNeo was born in 2017. MarcusNeo is a platform that publishes practical life and dating advice grounded in psychology. For paying customers, Neo offers live coaching programme.
The childhood
The son of a fishmonger father and clerk mother, Neo aspired to become an entrepreneur from an early age — not because he wanted to become a millionaire but because he wanted financial freedom. As a teenager, he grew up watching parents struggle to make a living. When he was just 12-13 years, his family went bankrupt.
“Problems back home affected my studies,” he shares his story. “Although I got decent grades in school, I started losing interest in academics. At one point in time, I became least interested in what was taught in the school. It never made sense for me to memorise periodic tables in chemistry classes.”
However, a Summer Programme at the University of Berkeley changed his destiny. “This was when I was 23 years. I borrowed some money from my parents, who were recovering from the financial challenges, to go and attend this programme. I opted for music and psychology. This changed my attitude toward academics. Since psychology was my favourite subject, I decided to continue my studies in this discipline.”
So, after obtaining a Diploma in Economics (distant programme) from the University of London, Neo went on to pursue a Bachelor Degree in Psychology at the Singapore University of Social Sciences (SUSS). After graduation, as recommended by a mentor, he went on to consult a professional psychologist to help him manage his finances, relationships and all other areas of life.
“I have experienced failures in school, business and relationships, and have lost money in the stock market. I realise all these failures are rooted in one common denominator — psychology and behaviour. So this intrigued me. I furthered my knowledge and read more books on psychology and human behaviour. And then I went on to launch MarcusNeo,” he adds.
Neo, now 25, works with clients for six months for a price of S$4,000 (US$2,900).
Neo claims that his business gets one to two big-ticket customers per month from organic traffic of search engine optimisation. At present, he has more than 10 paid customers.
In his view, most people tend to sign up for expensive self-help seminars, paying hefty sums and then go home and then come back a year later with nothing much to show in their lives.
“Frankly, knowledge isn’t enough. You need to dig deep into your own psychology so that you can overcome your invisible scripts. A lot of people attempting to fix different areas of their lives that haunted them repeatedly — whether be it a strict upbringing or past trauma — aren’t looking at psychological roots. We at MarcusNeo are helping people do this,” he shares.
According to Neo, while online dating apps are quite popular in Singapore, the industry as a whole is facing some challenges. “It is hard to convince people in a conservative culture like Singapore that dating is learnable like a skillset. Trying to discuss and improve your dating life is not something you normally talk to your friends in the Singapore culture. So, instead of trying to convince people that learning social skillsets is a positive thing, I’m trying to put my product in front of people.”
He says it is easy to promise someone that by attending his coaching programme, one would be able to get a girlfriend. “Instead of trying to market the short-term results (get a girlfriend or get over ex-girlfriend), I’d like to change up the marketing message: you’ll need time and effort the get results. Yes, the immediate objective is to get a girlfriend, but the long-term goal is actually social competence and personality development. You are fixing the root of the problem, as opposed aone-offf quick fix,” he concludes.
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Want to break up? Some people just can't take a hint
Dear Amy: A few months ago, I started casually dating “Robert.” We first met online.
Robert told me from the beginning that he had a very strict diet, didn’t drink alcohol and paid close attention to ingredients in products that he used. I thought he was just an extremely healthy guy.
Robert recently told me that he has a degenerative disease, which will cause issues with his motor functions, speech and vision. He thinks that he has another three or four years left of being able to fully care for himself, before he can’t do things like drive, or even walk. His condition is genetic, and he’d likely pass it down to any children he may have.
Robert is a sweet guy with a big heart, but we’ve only dated for about four months, and I don’t know if I want to sign up for years of being someone’s caregiver.
I’m only 31, and I want to experience everything life has in store for me, including children.
I decided to end it with Robert. I started to pull back, and tried to make it obvious that I was losing interest. He apparently didn’t notice the signs, so I told him that I felt it was better if we just remained friends.
Amy, it’s like he didn’t even register what I said! He stills calls and texts daily, talks about how much he likes me, and about going on vacation together and meeting his family.
I don’t feel right ghosting him, so I respond to him, but I try not to make plans with him.
Amy, I really think he’s looking for someone to take care of him. I don’t want to hurt him or be cruel, but how do I make a clean break?
– Unsure
Dear Unsure: From your reporting, “Robert” has been very candid and upfront with you. He has actually said the words – out loud – that give you a pretty complete understanding of who he is and what he is dealing with.
You have every right to break up with him – and I agree with you that you should. You obviously have no intention of staying with him, so don’t you think he deserves to hear the truth from you?
Read more:
Hinting, pulling back, avoiding, saying, “Hey, let’s remain friends” isn’t working with him. Because when you say, “Let’s remain friends,” he believes you are being honest (you are not), and he thinks, “Great! We’re friends now, and so yes, let’s remain friends!” Stop wasting his time.
Tell him, “I’m breaking up with you. I appreciate your honesty, but I find your health challenges overwhelming. You are a great guy, and I hope you will find the right person to be with, but I’m not that person.”
Dear Amy: My dad’s wife (not my stepmother), whom he married when I was in my 20s, has always hated me. Amy, she hated me from Day One.
I figured her animosity toward me is because I am a reminder to her that he had a life before her. She is also only 10 years older than I am.
Her latest attempt to mess up my life is to try and seduce my boyfriend.
What should I do?
We all live together and both of them work from home.
– Sick and Tired
Dear Sick and Tired: Move out.
Your father is an adult; he has made a choice that seems hostile toward you, because he has brought a disrupter into your life (and into his household).
But – guess what? It’s his life, and (I’m assuming) his house.
You are at least well into your 20s. The beauty of adulthood is that – just as your father has done – you, too, can change your life by making concrete choices about where (and with whom) you will live.
Move out.
Dear Amy: “MeToo!” wanted to reply to a “happy birthday” email she received from a doctor – a man who sexually abused her years ago when she was a teenager. Thank you for giving her the words to say in her reply to him.
This line especially stood out: “Mainly, I want you to know that even though you victimized me at a young age, your sexually aggressive and criminal behavior toward me does not define me, but for me it will always define you.”
Wow!
– Grateful
Dear Grateful: I come from a long line of pithy note-writers, with a special shout-out here to my late mother, Jane, who was a one-liner wrecking ball.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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