Relationships Talk

Right to the point! Ariana Grande shared her short and sweet engagement advice nearly one month after splitting from Pete Davidson.

Grande, 25, sent fans into a frenzy after leaving a sassy (yet subtle!) comment on Rachel Zoe’s company The Zoe Report’s Instagram account. “13 tips and tricks for finding the perfect engagement ring (including the popular metal you should actually avoid),” the account captioned a photo of a woman’s hand adorned with diamond rings on Thursday, November 8. The “Thank U, Next” songstress simply replied, “don’t.”

Us Weekly broke the news in June that the pop star got engaged to Davidson weeks after they started dating. The duo called it quits four months later and haven’t shied away from shading each other since.

Courtesy The Zoe Report/Instagram

Davidson recently poked fun at his broken engagement to Grande on a promo for Saturday Night Live.

“for somebody who claims to hate relevance u sure love clinging to it huh,” Grande wrote in a since-deleted tweet after the clip aired on Thursday, November 1. The singer then dropped her new track, “Thank U, Next,” 30 minutes before Saturday’s SNL episode aired. “Even almost got married / And for Pete, I’m so thankful,” read the lyrics.

Davidson kept it cool while addressing the split on SNL, saying that Grande is “a wonderful, strong person” and he “genuinely wish[es] her all the happiness in the world.” A source exclusively told Us that the Victorious alum was briefed that Davidson would address their breakup.

The Set It Up actor and the “No Tears Left to Cry” crooner ended their engagement one month after her ex-boyfriend of two years, Mac Miller, died of mixed drug toxicity. An insider told Us that, while Davidson “was 100 percent there for Ariana” after Mac’s passing, the loss “put a tremendous amount of strain” on his relationship with Grande.

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I got tired. After three years of writing this column, I decided to take a break last May.

Then I got anxious. One of the best outlets I know for anxiety is writing, and through that, identifying with others. If I can utilize my own experiences, however shitty, as a little floodlight for what others are going through, it kind of makes the shit less shitty.

So I’ve decided to bring back the column, and do it in the style of some of my favorite pieces from So Sad Today Column 1.0: as an advice column.

—

Dear So Sad Today,

I am a gay male who is new to the dating scene and I can’t help but form obsessions with guys I talk to online (this also bleeds into obsessing about fictional characters). For example: I’m talking to this one guy now for about a month. He doesn’t live near me but is planning to move at some point, so we’ve been facetiming. If he doesn’t text me, I feel rejected and deeply hurt. Like, it throws me off very badly. If we don’t facetime for a day, it honestly ruins my day. I check to see if he’s liking things on Instagram and the whole nine. Pathetic. I want to so badly stop feeling this way. My friends are like “you guys have never met” and I GET that, but I don’t know. My therapist says it’s something like “rejection sensitivity”? Whatever it is, it’s horrible. Help.

Thanks,

Heartache 2.0

Dear Heartache 2.0,

I’m not going to tell you to stop internet dating, or to only date people who are available (or, god forbid, not fictional), because that would have a twinge of judgment and I don’t want to judge you any harder than you are already judging yourself. Also, in judging you I would also be judging myself (which, I actually feel more comfortable doing than judging you, but I digress) because we are wired the same way.

But one thing to consider when Internet dating, or fantasizing about a real person we’ve never met, is that we are comparing our insides to their outsides. Our insides are itchy, messy, labyrinthine, swampy places to live—the antithesis of what we see when we look at an image of a person online (or the image they provide us in a few conversations) and they appear to be tied up in a neat bow. Even if they project some messiness, it can seem cute compared to the feeling of living inside yourself.

Your therapist may be right about rejection sensitivity (some people can more easily shrug off a perceived slight than others). But I’d say what’s even more important is that you observe what you are getting from the interaction—and what you feel you are losing when it dissipates. We tend to repeat behaviors that cause us pain, because they also serve us, or seem to serve us, in some way. What need is this filling for you?

I know that these behaviors “serve” me by providing me with dopamine surges and adrenaline escapes. Romantic obsession is way less about the person I’m obsessed with than the pursuit of that rush inside myself, a druglike high, an ability to flee uncomfortable feelings (especially boredom). There is something about choosing unavailable people that makes this possible—a constant up and down—which an available person doesn’t provide.

If this is the case for you, maybe there are some other healthy ways to get your dopamine on, so that people can just be people and not human drug vials.

xo

SST

*

Dear So Sad Today,

To others I seem either too silent or too panicky, and I usually get remarks about both in the same outing. It is tiring. My journey towards becoming better (read: more socially adept) seems to have stopped to a halt. When I hear of people who somehow manage to mask their feelings of inadequacy/occasional disconnectedness it frustrates me even more. Like, I know some social butterflies and at least a few have come out to me about how hard it is, talking to people and putting on a smile. But I desperately desire their skills to hide that which is unsavory. I feel that, if I showed myself to the world as one who belongs to it, I would have more resources to truly fix myself. Any tips on how to fake wellness?

Thank you,

Messier than Most

Dear Messier than Most,

There is a common phrase, Fake it till you make it, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, I sometimes think of myself like a train, in that my actions are the conductor and my feelings are the caboose. If I move a muscle and get out of myself, maybe even help another person, my mind follows suit. The less time I spend in my mind, the better.

That being said, I also feel like there is something special about those of us who cannot tolerate small talk. It’s like when other people are talking about bullshit, we’re plugged into some completely alternate frequency that’s saying, Don’t you see that we are alive right now and it’s kind of fucking weird? What we call anxiety is, in part, a deeper sensitivity or awareness. I’d hate to see you lose that in trying to appear like everyone else. I also wonder what else you would lose? You might miss those things.

This doesn’t mean that you should have to suffer unnecessarily. It can be very painful to be so sensitive, and it’s important to cultivate practices for genuine wellness before we try to fake it. For me, this includes: medication as prescribed by a psychiatrist, therapy, sobriety, meditation, running, and writing.

But if you are taking decent care of yourself, you might want to consider that maybe your reactions to the world aren’t so strange. Maybe it is you who is sane in perceiving the strangeness of it all and the world that has lost its mind. And remember! Most people aren’t even paying that much attention to you, because they’re thinking about themselves.

xo

SST

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What I love about classic Disney fairytales is that you always know you’re going to get a picture-perfect happily-ever-after ending. Despite witches, dragons, and evil stepmothers, the princess will find her prince, and they’ll share true love’s first kiss right before the credits roll.

Of course, in real life, that’s not the end of the story. It’s only the beginning. Disney stories call a hero’s journey complete once the peril is over and a wedding is on the horizon. Love is a finite and blissful endpoint in these stories. You don’t hear about how Ariel and Eric fight over the proper use of kitchenware or how Cinderella constantly leaves her shoes lying around for Prince Charming to trip over.

Real-life couples don’t end their journey at “I do,” but many of today’s dating professionals focus on helping their clients get a date and don’t address the hard work it takes to make love last on a day-to-day basis. However, Relationship Hero has recently flipped the script by teaching relationship-building strategies that help singles succeed in the long run.

Branding itself as “coaching that works,” Relationship Hero offers dynamic relationship coaching services available by phone or online. Its broad coaching packages are designed to meet the needs of modern singles and couples.

The team of certified relationship coaches understands that maintaining a relationship can be just as challenging as finding a relationship. The professional coaches support clients hoping to create their own happily ever afters. In the last year, Relationship Hero has adapted its message and updated its services to reach a broader audience in the dating scene.

“There are more people who want help in dating and relationships than just in dating,” said Liron Shapira, the Founder and CEO of Relationship Hero. “And there were no companies dominating the relationship coaching space — until we came along.”

The Team Goes Beyond Dating & Provides Ongoing Relationship Support

Every day, over 200 individuals seek Relationship Hero’s advice on important dating issues. Its clients range in age and have a variety of challenges in the dating scene. Some are dealing with trust issues with a partner while others just want to find a date for Saturday night. Some have a specific skill they want to learn, while others don’t know what’s going wrong and just want some guidance.

Relationship Hero’s coaches have taken it upon themselves to tackle all these issues with calm, experienced resolve. Its coaching services have had to be flexible to meet the needs of such a diverse audience, and that’s why the firm has branded its services as “relationship coaching” rather than simply “dating coaching.”

“We’ve grown from being a dating coaching service to becoming a relationship coaching service because it will broaden our audience,” Liron said. “We help people overcome their relationship challenges as well as their challenges with dating.”

Singles can speak with a dating professional any time via live chat on Relationship Hero.

Instead of narrowly focusing on just one aspect of dating, Relationship Hero has ambitiously decided to cover it all. Its relationship coaching consultations can address dating issues, breakups, family struggles, and other personal challenges. The website’s live-chat features allow clients to immediately engage with a trained professional and start a dialogue about whatever is on their minds. Anything under the relationship umbrella is fair game.

Whether clients want to know how to navigate online dating or how to express their sexual needs to a partner, the Relationship Hero team has their back and can give them personalized advice and support as they work on their personal relationships.

Relationship Hero’s branding shift has impacted the marketing team more than the coaching team, which continues to follow the same personalized 24/7 online support model that has made it so successful.

“We were already knowledgeable about relationships,” Liron said. “There’s plenty of dating knowledge that transfers well to relationships and vice versa. We’re glad we went in the direction we did.”

Educating Singles & Professionals in the Dating Scene

A coaching firm is only as good as its coaches, and Relationship Hero employs some of the best in the biz. From psychotherapists to meditation experts, the Relationship Hero team encompasses a variety of backgrounds and credentials, but they all approach coaching with compassion and candor.

“I had a great experience speaking with many coaches and learning different perspectives,” said Justin, a 35-year-old client from Philadelphia. “I really want to thank you because when hope seemed lost, you guys gave me great advice to overcome that.”

Liron Shapira founded Relationship Hero to guide daters with practical advice.

Relationship Hero sees to it that its coaches undergo rigorous training and certification so they are ready to answer any question a client may pose about love, sex, dating, and relationships.

Liron said he plans to shape the future movers and shakers of the dating industry by establishing a certification program that’s open to the public. Relationship Hero’s certification system will be the first to guarantee a job to anyone who passes the courses and graduates from the program. This will help Relationship Hero add to its team and influence the relationship coaching business.

Relationship Hero has many seasoned dating experts on staff. Some have over a decade of coaching experience under their belts. By passing on that knowledge and those techniques that have been successful, the coaching firm can prod the dating industry in a positive direction and set dating professionals up for success.

“We’re going to continue doing what we’re doing now,” Liron told us, “which is building out our team of coaches as fast as possible.”

Relationship Hero Advises 200+ People Per Day

We gloss over relationship struggles when we say “And they lived happily ever after” at the end of fairy tales. As nice as it is to wrap love stories up in a pretty bow, that’s not what happens in real relationships. Not even close. You don’t walk into the sunset and never have to worry about love again.

Relationships require constant work and attention to stay together in the long run, and not all daters know how to strengthen their relationships through life’s ups and downs. That’s where Relationship Hero’s coaching team comes in. These certified experts have impacted thousands of lives by offering sage advice in the dating and relationship space. Relationship Hero coaches teach their clients how to express themselves in positive ways and build meaningful connections that last a lifetime.

“I believe the greatest impact we can have on the industry is from the bottom up,” Liron said. “We’re empowering the individuals we coach with the knowledge and skills to make better decisions that affect their relationships, which will incentivize the dating industry to adapt and change in a better direction.”

They can help you learn valuable insights from existing customers — and increase sales.