Tag Archives: dating advice
Jacob Sartorius Throws Shade at Ex Millie Bobby Brown's Friendship With Drake
Jacob Sartorius at Nickelodeon’s 2017 Kids’ Choice Awards at USC Galen Center in Los Angeles on March 11, 2017.Steve Granitz/WireImage
Not so subtle! Jacob Sartorius throws shade at his ex-girlfriend Millie Bobby Brown’s friendship with Drake on his new song “We’re Not Friends,” a source exclusively tells Us Weekly.
The track from the 16-year-old singer-songwriter’s recently released EP, Better With You, features the lyrics: “Girl, I wanna give you more than good advice / We’re not friends, we’re not friends / You already know I got enough of them.”
Brown, 14, revealed in September that she has turned to Drake, 32, for dating advice. Her comments raised eyebrows on Twitter at the time due to the pair’s age difference.
Millie Bobby Brown and Drake attend the Netflix Golden Globes afterparty at Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills on January 7, 2018. Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Netflix
“I met him in Australia, and he’s honestly so fantastic — a great friend and a great role model,” the Stranger Things star told Access on the red carpet at the 2018 Emmy Awards. “We just texted each other the other day, and he was like, ‘I miss you so much,’ and I was like, ‘I miss you more.’”
When asked what kind of advice the rapper gives her, Brown responded, “About boys! He helps me. … That stays in the text messages.”
“We’re Not Friends” isn’t the only song on Sartorius’ new project about the actress. Us confirms that many of the seven tracks are inspired by the former couple’s romance.
Us broke the news in January that the young stars’ friendship had blossomed into a relationship. Seven months later, they announced that they came to the “completely mutual” decision to call it quits, saying in a joint statement on their Instagram accounts, “We are both happy and remaining friends.”
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You might be getting 'zombied' and not even know it
First, we had ‘ghosting’, next came ‘bread-crumbing’, now we’ve got ‘cushioning’ and ‘cuffing’ to contend with.
But what do all these dating terms mean and what can you do when you’re on the receiving end of some of the more brutal aspects of modern dating behaviour?
If you’ve ever wondered why all those flirty texts don’t seem to be going anywhere or why your latest online suitor is so vague when it comes to actually meeting IRL? Chances are, you’ve fallen victim for one the less savoury aspects of online dating behaviour, you’ve been benched.
Dating apps have given a platform for frogs across the planet to behave in less than princely ways. They like you enough to string you along, and revel in the ego-boosting attention, but they’ll never arrange an actual date. Frustrating.
While it’s true that dating apps have opened a world of possibilities – they’ve also given a platform for frogs across the planet to behave in less than princely ways.
That’s why we’ve called on experts over at dating app Jaumo, for a guide to latest dating app pitfalls, so that you know exactly what you’re up against, next time you’re looking for love.
If you hadn’t heard of Jaumo before now, don’t worry. If you’re on the dating scene you soon will, as they’ve been rated as the best dating app in the States by digital experts Applause after combing through half a billion online reviews, across 30 million apps worldwide. And they’re growing fast, in 180 different countries.
‘The dating scene is in a permanent state of flux and things change fast in the online dating world,’ says Jaumo co-founder Jens Kammerer. ‘We’re constantly seeing new trends and ways of behaving. We stay on top of those on a daily basis, so that we can flag them up and support our users.’
So, if you’re about to jump back into the dating fray, here’s the inside track on the latest dating terms from the dating experts Jaumo.
Plus we’ve got game-changing advice from world leading cyber-dating expert Julie Spira, who wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online
Julie has got our backs with no-holds-barred advice on EXACTLY what to do in EVERY situation.
Forewarned is forearmed.
Cushioning
This is when you’re flirting with people despite being in a relationship, so that if things go wrong, you’ve got someone to cushion your fall. But what should you do if you suspect someone you’ve meet online is already taken?
Julie says: “I’d suggest looking at their social media to see if they’re in a relationship. If there are pictures of them in the arms of another it could be a kissing cousin or friend, but if it’s the same person over and over, they’re in a relationship. You have to ask yourself do you really want to carry on flirting? When people are flirting with you, even if it’s only digitally, but they’re in another relationship, that is emotional cheating.”
And if you catch your boyfriend at it, with his own online profile? “Then you need to have a conversation to see if you’re on the same page with what you want in your relationship. If not, I’m a big advocate of kicking somebody to the kerb if they’re going to cushion you.”
Caspering
“This is when you let someone down gently before vanishing from their life completely,” explains Jaumo co-founder Kammerer.
Julie says: “This is just somebody, who doesn’t want to be the bad guy. A lot of people are people pleasers, so they let you down gently and just start to see you less, and less, in the hope that you’ll get frustrated and end the relationship. So, you’re in a relationship, and you generally see each other every weekend, Friday and Saturday night and then, all of a sudden, there’s a family member coming to visit on a Saturday and they can’t get together and pretty soon it’s happening every week.
“To me that’s like ‘the dog ate the paper’ when you don’t have a dog. It’s usually an excuse and if it starts to happen more than once, it’s likely there’s someone else. So, if you notice that you’re getting moved to weekdays, don’t get demoted, gain your power and your self-esteem, and find another partner who’s going to be excited to say, ‘I’d like to be with you on the weekends, the whole weekend.'”
Fire-dooring
Seeing someone only on your terms and at your convenience (a fire-door only opens one way).
Julie says: “It’s a one-sided relationship and to me that can lead to depression and increased anxiety. If you’re not in a mutual partnership, this relationship is doomed and you’ll end up becoming over-attached, and needy, and anxious and that’s not attractive whatsoever.”
Freckling
“Just like freckles that show up in summer and vanish in the winter, this when you hook up with someone just for the summer and then vanish in autumn.
The scenario: Summer flings and summer romances have been around since the beginning of time. They’re abundant when the weather is warm and everyone is wearing less clothing. If it’s mutual and you’re having fun, then admit that you’re doing, it’s a fling and that’s it and enjoy it. The problems start if one person thinks, ‘Oh, I’m at the end of the summer and maybe I’ll get a deeper commitment’” If your date has said that that’s not what they want, then that’s unlikely to change.”
Phubbing
Snubbing someone you’re spending time with by paying more attention your phone than them.
Julie says: “This really has become the new ghosting. If you go on a date, you shouldn’t have your phone out, you should be putting your undivided attention and at the chances are, at the beginning of the relationship, you do that because you want to make a good impression. But once you get a little too comfy in a relationship, what happens is you go out, and out pops the phone and we don’t know whether they’re looking on the app for another date, we don’t know whether they’re just like checking the sports scores, or if they’re not developing a text relationship with someone else.
“But what we do know is that the phone has become a participant on the date, so it creates a love triangle – you, your partner and the telephone. And when the telephone joins you on the date, more often than not, it’s hard not to look over your date’s shoulder to wonder, ‘who are they texting, what are they doing?’ And it creates suspicion. If you’re on the receiving end of a phubbing say: ‘Oh I thought I was having a date with you, not you and your phone, it would really make me happy if you could put it away, because I put mine away already and I want to focus my attention on you’.”
Cuffing
When even avid singletons want to couple up for the winter months but never want to commit to anything past the winter.
Julie says: “If your date won’t commit to plans beyond Christmas that’s a red flag. If you’re enjoying cuddling up under the duvet, there’s no harm in it, just don’t set your heart on a summer wedding.”
Uncuffing
The opposite of cuffing – the summer and spring months when people end their relationships to play the field.
Julie season: “I think that people re-evaluate their relationships with the beginning of every season. It’s just the cycle of love.”
Zombieing
Ghosting someone and then resurfacing to rekindle things (with a vague and bad explanation for disappearing).
Julie says: “When someone disappears and comes back with a bad excuse like: ‘I’m sorry, I lost your number,’ or, ‘Oh, I had so much to do with work, it just wasn’t a good time for me.’ Don’t buy it, they met someone else and it ran its course.”
This article originally appeared on Healthista and was republished here with permission.
Slow Dating Is the French-Invented Hack That Will Save Your Love Life
Getty ImagesRoc Canals Photography
I was standing in my friend’s apartment when she looked me dead in the face and shared the strangest dating advice I’ve ever heard: only use Tinder when you’re on the toilet.
It’s not a weird and slightly gross efficiency hack—this was her way of limiting the amount of time she spent perusing the catalog of humans on the app. Like so many others, she developed severe dating app fatigue and was sick of wasting hours per week on obligaswiping her way into an anxiety spiral. In an effort to swipe less and with more intention, she put strict parameters on her app usage. Only swipe while on the potty.
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I didn’t know it at the time, but she’d essentially created her own form of “slow dating.” It’s a concept that sounds exactly like what it is—literally slowing down and spending more than .024 seconds on a profile before flicking your finger right or left.
Coined by the French creators of Once, a dating app that launched in France and recently made its way stateside earlier this year, slow dating is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: Instead of passively swiping through 50 “eligible” partners in one toilet session, Once employs slow dating to introduce each user to only one person, per day. The person you see on your screen also sees you on their screen, and if you both like each other, you start a conversation and see where it leads. If not, you have to wait until the next day to meet someone new.
Basically, Once literally forces everyone to slow the eff down by eliminating swiping altogether. Simple, genius, and so very ~French~.
The Best Dating Apps for Your Ultra-Specific Taste
That being said, there’s one obvious problem here: What if all your potential matches are bad? Cutting down on swipe time is great, but if you’re getting duds day after day, slow dating is just the regular disappointment of dating apps in slow motion (bleak).
Jean Meyer, CEO of Once, says making good matches is a concern, obviously, but he’s more focused on cutting down absentminded app time.
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“Even if your match of the day is crap, it’s okay,” Meyer says. “Maybe you’re not going to talk to that person, but at least you’re going to put the app away, and you may even put your phone away and do something else with your day. You can put 100 percent into another task that’s not swiping on ten-thousand profiles.”
◻️ Use your iPhone settings to limit screentime allowed on dating apps
◻️ Designate certain times or places you’re allowed to browse the apps
◻️ Give yourself a “twenty seconds” rule: you can’t swipe until you’ve spent at least 20 seconds on their profile
◻️ Only allow yourselves 20 total swipes per day
◻️ Download Once, and force yourself to slow TF down
What Meyer sees as the big issue driving up everybody’s swipe rate is the idea that there’s always something (or, in this case, someone) better out there. The mentality that you should always be looking for a better job, a better apartment, a better going-out top—whatever—has seeped into the dating mentality. “People have way too many options, they try to optimize everything,” Meyer says.
The League, which only serves users a few matches per day, operates on a similar premise as Once. And when Hinge redesigned to eliminate swiping and force people to slow down a bit, users grew by more than 400 percent, according to the Wall Street Journal. Once takes the slow dating premise Hinge decided to focus on to the absolute extreme, and unlike The League, it doesn’t come with an application process or waiting list. You just download, and then wait.
If you’re a dating app developer, the slow dating approach feels almost counterintuitive. Why encourage people to use your app less, when there are countless options out there to lure them away? Meyer hopes the thing that keeps people joining Once (as seven million already have, according to the Wall Street Journal) is the app’s dedication to building the best matches possible. “We’re trying to recreate the feeling of when you see two people in the street, and somehow you know they fit together,” Meyer says.
Whether you download Once or employ slow dating in some other way, the laissez-faire approach could be the long-needed refresh your love life needs. Who better to trust with romance than the French?
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Agreeing not to text could build a better relationship
Last month, New York Magazine’s website The Cut ran a story by Clara Artschwager about a new, promising relationship that was nearly sabotaged by texting — Artschwager was too busy to text, so her date assumed she wasn’t into him — and saved by an agreement to just not text each other, minus logistical communiques. No dinging good nights and good mornings; no interrupting check-ins. Artschwager described the new paradigm as “thrilling.”
Isn’t it? It’s like when I think I might have lost my phone, before I find it in my hand or my pocket: I’m thrilled. To be without the phone, and its most disruptive function, is as daydreamy as a crush.
Texting way less is both a practical return to the point of everything and a dating power move, argues Kate Carraway. (dreamstime)
