Relationships Talk

Originally published December 24, 2014.

I’m a short guy and I need advice. I don’t want a small paragraph’s worth of advice, like you gave “Below Their League” a few years ago. I need advice beyond “Women like men taller than them, get over it!” I get it. I’m short (five foot two), and most women are taller than me. And women like tall dudes just like I like slender women. Fat women may have it hard, but at least they have their fans and their own sex-object abbreviation: BBW. But where can a short guy go to feel appreciated? Is there an abbreviation or a dating website for us?

Jesus Christ, I’m Lonely

“Below Their League,” who wrote to me in August of 2010, described himself as a short, slender guy who was only attracted to tall, butch women. He longed to be held in the strong arms of a woman who could snap him in two—and he wasn’t having much luck. This was the totality of my advice for him: “Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It’s a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you’ll have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men prefer women), and you’ll have to search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you can do about it.”

I think that advice is solid, JCIL, but I can see why it would be unsatisfying. So here are a few bonus paragraphs for you…

Some big, beautiful women (BBWs) resent their “fans,” JCIL, aka “fat admirers” (FAs), as they find the attentions of fat fetishists to be objectifying and emotionally fraught. (Particularly when their “admirers” are struggling with shame and want to date them only on the down low.) But here’s why fat women have their own sex-object abbreviation and their admirers have their own websites (both porn and dating): because there’s no shortage of FAs. There are lots of guys out there who are into BBWs.

Now, there may be a few women with a fetish for short guys—women who aren’t just open to dating short guys but filled with a panty-dampening, crazy-making lust for short guys—but there aren’t enough of them to form the critical mass necessary to sustain even one website for short guys and the women who admire them. So it looks like you’ll have to redouble your efforts at regular dating websites, JCIL, i.e., “search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams.”

Christian Rudder, one of the founders of OkCupid, took a look at the impact height has on the dating and mating success of the site’s users. It probably won’t surprise you to learn that taller guys have more sex—just one measure of romantic success—but it may surprise you to learn that extremely tall guys (six foot six and above) don’t get many more “unsolicited messages” than extremely short guys. And then there’s this: “Women six feet or taller are either less attractive to men or are considered too intimidating to message,” Rudder writes. “[But] the data also raises the interesting possibility that these tall women are much more likely to sleep with a man who does approach them. Compare the 6’0″ woman to her 5’4″ counterpart: The taller woman gets hit on about two-thirds as much, yet has had slightly more sex partners.”

The takeaway for you, JCIL: Try hitting on taller women.

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INDIANAPOLIS (WTHR) — A lot of people look for love on the internet, just maybe not quite like this.

One man decided to “advertise” himself on Facebook.

You know the typical kind of “free to good home” ad. Well it caught plenty of attention and a lot more.

Both had given up on finding love on the dating sites. You could even say both had given up finding love period, until one decided to place an ad.

This was a perfect day for a walk. Something Michael and Sara do a lot of these days — taking the dogs for a stroll.

It’s hard to believe but just short of two years ago these two didn’t even know each other.

That began to change in April of 2017 when this wedding DJ decided to make a change in his life.

“I get to work with happy couples all the time and see their happy ever after so I thought maybe it would might be me. I just had this wild thought before I went to bed that I wonder if I can sell myself on Facebook marketplace,” Michael Nickolich said.

“Original ad said free to good home, single male, 33, no kids, never married, has a job, house broken, dating websites suck so thought I would try here,” he said as he read his ad from his cell phone.

It caught the attention of Sara’s sister who forwarded it to her.

“It is really funny and he is cute. He got my attention,” Sara Claiborne remembered.

Along with an ultimatum.

“I was afraid of rejection I guess so she was like here is the thing either you do it or I am going to. Ok I have to think about this,” she continued nervously.

So she crafted her reply.

“My name is Sara and I am replying on Lafayette Bicycle trade. Are you still available?” Which he responds, “Yes I am.”

I respond back with “I have a mutual feeling toward dating websites. Your post caught my eye and made me smile. Twenty-nine, single, no kids, have never been married, teacher, great laugh. It was a great response,” she said reading from her cell phone.

He received more than a thousand responses to his creative ad, but ultimately it was Sara’s that caught his attention and led to another walk, without the dogs, to a tree in the backyard.

“I start tearing up and getting really clumsy trying to get the ring out, and then got down on one knee and did it,” he said.

She said yes. While the two do not have a date set yet, they do have some advice.

“Taking risks and not being afraid to try new things. I was that person and it got me nowhere until I decided to step out of the comfort zone,” Sara said.

If you’re in need of dating advice, why not go straight to Hollywood’s current heartthrob? One of the most swoon-worthy actors working right now happens to have plenty of romantic guidance up his sleeve. I’m talking about getting some much needed dating tips from Noah Centineo — more like Yes-ah Centineo though, am I right?

Centineo stole our hearts this summer in his roles as Peter in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and Jamey in Sierra Burgess Is A Loser. A couple weeks ago, he caused the internet to collectively faint when it was announced that he has joined the Charlie’s Angels reboot cast. If you’re a long time Centineo stan, stay tuned, because you’ll probably fall even more in love with him after reading his dating advice.

After starring in two hit romantic comedies back to back, Centineo gets asked about his dating life in almost every interview he does, and he has some important things to say when it comes to romance. For instance, Centineo recently told Teen Vogue, “I’m really into love. I’m a hopeless romantic some days and a hopeful one on other days.” Check out the following dating tips if you need advice from a sometimes hopeful romantic like Centineo.

One thing can pretty much be guaranteed about any person who has just come through a divorce. No matter how much of a brave face they attempt to put on, they are likely to be emotionally fragile. Depending on how acrimonious the end of their relationship was, getting into another one may well be the very last thing on their mind. If you’ve been divorced, what advice would help you regain your confidence? What if you’re interested in getting to know a recent divorcee? What would be the best way to approach them? When it comes to using a dating website, what should you be aware of?

While a lot of pointers about dating after a divorce are down to common sense and individual circumstances, there are certain general rules which can be applied. Here is some of the best advice.

Only return to dating when you’re ready

If you want to get into dating again after coming through a divorce, the most important decision you have to make is a simple one. Are you ready? It can be quite difficult to quantify when it would be healthy for you to get back ‘into the saddle’; realistically it’s only you who can make this call. But the important aspect is to take your time before committing to a new relationship. Ensure wounds have healed before you are ready to embrace a more positive future.

Try out dating sites

Online dating is almost tailor-made for post-divorce relationships. You have a diverse range of potential partners, literally at your fingertips. You can take your time assessing the particular qualities of any of the singles you come across, deciding which of these charming individuals would be most compatible.

Try and recover that sense of optimism

It’s only natural to feel a sense of despondency when a relationship finally comes to its conclusion. However, rather than dwelling on the past, If you want to embrace your love life again it would pay to remain positive about your future. So avoid anything liable to resurrect memories, such as date locations you used to favor, or music you once adored listening to. Instead, focus on different activities to enjoy with your new partner.

Be mindful of previous relationship flaws

It would do no harm to consider where things went wrong first time around. Perhaps you were too blind to see the wheels coming off at the time, but with the benefit of hindsight, you might have a better perspective on what you would do differently. Keep these in mind as you indulge in a new courtship, and take remedial action to smooth over any potential issues as soon as possible.

Focus on less superficial qualities

Perhaps you were drawn to your first partner by physical attraction. There’s obviously nothing wrong with that, but if you want to make the most of a post-divorce partnership, try prioritizing more enduring qualities, rather than how fanciable a person might be. Attributes like kindness, reliability, intelligence, and honesty will truly bring you together. These will spur the deeper emotions leading to chemistry.

Don’t rush into a new relationship

You don’t even have to put yourself out there at all if you are still unsure of how things might progress. Take your time. Savor what it feels like to be single again after having spent so long as part of an item; perhaps latterly, an unhappy and unsatisfied part of an item. There would be no harm in enjoying the life of a singleton for a while before rushing into getting involved with someone again. Your time will come in due course.