Tag Archives: dating advice
Amy Dickinson: Mom feels guilty letting kids into offender's home
Dear Amy: My father-in-law is a sex offender who abused his own daughters when they were children. He spent my husband’s middle school and high school years in prison.
I spent time in this home when dating my husband. His father and I never had any problems, but ultimately, I made the decision that I would not be involved with his parents after they continuously disrespected boundaries of mine.
I have not dictated to my husband regarding him having a relationship with them, and don’t have any interest in doing so.
My problem is, we have young children — a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son.
As our daughter has grown, I’ve become very worried about my judgment in ever letting our children spend time at their grandparents’ house.
I had relented earlier on and let my husband take the kids to their house, but now I feel it is wrong to trust them to go over there. I feel helpless, since I do not attend with them.
My kids have lots of cousins that they love. They will be excluded from activities if I put my foot down and don’t let them go to that house.
I feel guilty and lost. I don’t want to make my husband feel bad — his family has already been torn apart because of this.
No one will talk about the abuse that took place, and it’s almost as if it never happened. They cut the daughters who were abused out of their lives.
I don’t want to insult anyone or hurt my husband.
What should I do? — Worried Wife
Dear Worried: Imagine this: You won’t walk across the railroad tracks on a blind curve.
Instead, you send your young children scampering across — with no knowledge or information, no empowering education and no ability to discern about any possible dangers.
Granted, these girls are with their father when they are at their grandparents’, but from what you describe about this family, the parents have successfully banished his victims, have erased this very serious crime (it sounds as if he served at least five years) from their family narrative and are comfortable having children interact with a convicted sex offender in his home.
Please, never subject your children to a situation you aren’t willing to face yourself. You should either be brave enough to be with them, or you should make sure their father is empowered and vigilant.
As a sex offender, your father-in-law is legally prevented from having access to children in schools or in the neighborhood. And yet, his own family — the people who know the most about his history — are placing children in his path.
I can understand why you don’t want to interfere with your husband’s relationship with his father, but you must advocate for your children. Talk with your husband about this and develop a strategy. Do this as parents and partners.
Dear Amy: “Concerned About Safety” asked for advice regarding her high-risk, thrill-seeking boyfriend. I think he should connect with a production company looking for brave stuntmen. There he would learn that science, technology and logistics play a huge role in making what seems deadly become survivable.
If he is really interested in doing what looks stupid, he should sign up for training and wise up on his high-risk survival skills. — SPS
Dear SPS: Several readers suggested a future in stunt work for this guy. Although I suspect he lacks the discipline, I love this idea.
Dating Advice: Seven things to NEVER say to a tall woman
For the mental well-being of all the tall women out there, please avoid saying the following seven statements …
I am a tall woman – 183cm tall to be precise. To a limit, tallness in women is considered a desirable trait, but when you are six foot tall, people begin to act like you’re a freak of nature.
This is clearly not desirable. I often look at petite, small women with envy: they are considered cute and feminine, whereas I am considered Amazonian.
As a tall woman, I can also never just melt into the crowd
I am always noticed, always looked at, always in sight. So sometimes, it can be tiring when strangers feel the need to comment on my physical appearance, when I just want to be left alone.
So, for the mental well-being of all the tall women out there, please avoid saying the following seven statements:
Wow! You’re so tall!
Really? Me? Tall? Never! I thought I was short! Come on people, surely you must know that I know I am unusually tall for a woman? How would you feel if I commented on your large beer boep, or your balding head? Perhaps I could comment on the fact that you have brown hair? Or blue eyes? I don’t need to point it out, because (and here’s the crux) you know. Plus, maybe you are a bit self-conscious of your bulbous nose. Maybe pointing it out will embarrass you? I know that being tall is not a negative thing, but it is so tiring to hear it every day. And eventually, I do start feeling like I am a bit of a freak (as if I am the only tall woman to ever have existed).
You must have really big feet? What’s your shoe size?
Again, seriously? Asking about my shoe size is none of your business and again, it hurts my feelings. You’re acting as if I am a circus act, and my feet aren’t that big (only a size 8). My advice is to use the following test: what would you say to a woman with really large breasts? You definitely wouldn’t stare at them and marvel at the size. “My, what big boobies you have!” And you certainly wouldn’t ask her what bra size she wears. It’s just rude and weird.
What’s the weather like up there?
Ha-freaking-ha. The only thing us tall women can do with this is smile weakly and edge away. Jokes about the physical appearance of other people are usually hurtful to the target of the joke. Apply the boob test: would you make a joke about a woman’s breasts being so large they enter a room before she does? I’m thinking you wouldn’t.
Men must be so intimidated by your height!
Well, I am married to a taller man and I have dated shorter men, which was never a problem. Asking me this question implies that you think men don’t find me attractive. In a society where looks count for a lot, that can be hurtful.
Did you play netball at school?
I didn’t, actually. I was terrible at sports. Just because I am tall, doesn’t mean I am sporty. Are you going to ask a black person if he is a good runner because of his skin colour? Unlikely – you’d be considered a racist if you did. So why is it okay to assume things about me because of my physical appearance?
Could you get that down for me?
I honestly don’t mind helping people get things down from shelves, but only when I offer. I do not appreciate people asking me to get beans down from the top shelf while I am having a conversation with my husband about what to cook for dinner. Just because I am tall doesn’t mean I want to help you.
You must be at least six foot three!
This usually comes from men who aren’t six foot, but wish they were. I used to model. I was measured professionally. Trust me when I say I am six foot tall. This means you are definitely less than six foot. Please don’t try to bolter your own self-worth by making it seem I am taller than I already am. Thank you.
Are titles a big deal when dating?
Bakersfield, Calif. – Match.com declared October 2, “Define the Relationship Day.” So we spent time talking to people in Bakersfield about how important titles are while dating.
When is the right time to have the “what are we” conversation? And just how important are labels in relationships? It turns out – both guys and girls feel strongly about this subject.
Jordan Anderson is a sophomore at Bakersfield College. He says, “The biggest part of it is, labeling something means there’s more commitment in it.”
Anderson’s sentiment was that of basically everyone we spoke to: Titles are a big deal. Whether you are the one pining for a more ‘serious’ relationship, or trying to keep it casual – students at BC agree, defining your relationship with someone is both important and serious.
It’s not impossible to agree on a casual relationship, but the women we spoke to said they prefer exclusivity and a title pretty early on.
And while the men also agree that titles are important, most of them say, they prefer more time in the casual dating realm before committing to any titles.
Dating Expert Rachel DeAlto, of Match.com, has advice on how to navigate defining the relationship:
You know it is time to “DTR” when…
- You spend more nights together than you do apart
- You’ve met their parents
How to “DTR:”
- DON’T approach DTR like it’s a big deal!
- Avoid all lines akin to “we need to talk.”
- Use DTR day as an excuse! Try this script: “Hey babe – so it’s Define The Relationship Day. I’m thinking I’d like to define you as my boyfriend.”
NEVER, *EVER* TRY TO “DTR” IF:
- They only call you once a week and reply to your texts three days later
- They dedicate only one or two nights a month to spending time with you
- You’ve never met one of their friends or family members
- They’ve never talked about the future with you
HIV Dating Sites
Finding a partner to date is usually never easy, but it can be especially tricky when HIV or any other STI is added into the equation. For people with HIV, it is even more complicated than you can think. The easiest and probably practical way is to join one of the dating sites with people of the same status. When you select people with specific profiles like positive singles, it makes it much easier to navigate and find your partner to warm your bed.
We have reviewed a variety of HIV dating sites and listed some of those that we think are the best for anyone struggling to find a partner due to their positive status. The good thing is the all the sites we chose, offer free membership, though you may be required to pay to access advanced features. We also considered other relevant factors like intuitiveness of search functionalities as well as matchmaking systems.
Positive singles
This is so far the top rated dating site for people with sexually transmitted infections including HIV. If you are positive and can’t find your life partner, this is the site where you can easily find love with other people in the same circumstance as you. With the number of people living with STDs adding up to millions, the need to find a person that will understand you has pushed many people to look for love on this site. More than 100M Americans are living with STDs with more than 80% of them know about this site, and over 60% have subscribed to the online dating site.
For standard membership, you only need to place a 100% anonymous profile which is free. However, if you need to upgrade to gold membership, you will be required to pay a little fee of about $1 per day depending on the kind of subscription you want to make. You can use your credit card/charge card/ debit card/ bank check or Paypal to make the payments among other available options.
This site offers many features which you will love. Get a chance to interact with over 570,000 active members by creating your profile for free, and most likely you will have your dream partner sooner than you imagine. This is the most popular dating site for people living with STDs courtesy of its amazing features, number of active users, member verification, privacy options as well as site design.
HIV People Meet
This is our second best dating site we can recommend for people living with HIV. The site also offers dating opportunities for people living with other STDs. With over 800,000 anonymous members, your partner may be waiting for you there!
With the live counseling option offered on the site as well as dating advice, you can never demand anything more than they offer. Lastly, you can read several blogs written to inspire individuals in the same circumstances as you along with various support forums and events.
The site is specifically meant for you and people like you helping you to get friendship, love, and companionship from a pool of members looking for the same. Do not feel lonely simply because you tested positive, visit this site and you will never have to worry about rejection for something beyond your control.
It is a free-world site where you can share your thoughts and experiences without feeling embarrassed as you let the rest of the members impact your life and inspire you into positive thinking and living. This site will give you hope that many people have lost upon testing positive. Become a member, and you will never regret.
Positives dating
This dating site connects you automatically to probably one of the largest HIV/AIDS dating networks in the world. You will find amazing dates, make new friends or get romantic relationships to get your lonely self-excited. There are endless possibilities with Positives dating.
You know how complicated it gets trying to find love when you’ve been diagnosed positive. However, with this site, you will automatically feel safe and comfortable since everybody here is just like you. For the best quality service and dedication, sign up your membership for free and start your journey to meeting your partner to share your mind with.
There are quite many HIV dating sites on the web, but these three are definitely the best you can find. Get on board and share your life with somebody in the same situation as you. It feels good!
References:
http://www.hivdatingsites.biz/
