Tag Archives: dating advice
Chicago Matchmaker Stef Safran Encourages Daters to Use Smart Screening Methods & Trust in the Process
When a well-educated single man named John showed up at Stef Safran’s matchmaking office, she felt sure that she could help him meet someone special. He wasn’t so confident. He had tried matchmaking once before and hadn’t had any luck. His bad experience made him leery of trusting another dating professional with his love life.
Stef and the City is a traditional matchmaking company founded by Chicago dating expert Stef Safran.
However, Stef’s caring manner soon won him over. She listened to his problems and gave him practical dating advice based on her experience as CEO of Stef and the City, a Chicago-based matchmaking firm.
To start with, Stef advised John to stop setting up dates at local bars — he wasn’t a big drinker, so why would he choose an environment that made him uncomfortable? She encouraged him to stay in his comfort zone, at least the outset of the relationship, and build relationships with women who shared his interests.
Today, John is happily married with a young son. Even though Stef didn’t introduce the couple, John told her her advice helped him get in a committed relationship. Her support got him in the right mindset to meet and marry the one for him.
When Stef heard of his engagement, she was on cloud nine. “Those are the days you love your job,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t directly introduce him to his wife but he still gives me credit because my advice helped him figure out what was going wrong.”
Throughout her career, Stef has consulted with single men and women facing all sorts of dating challenges. Her level-headed guidance and savvy introductions have led many singles, like John, to meet their match in Chicago’s city limits.
Stef and the City Coaches Clients to Make Changes
Stef’s clients are singles as young as their mid 20s and as old as their mid 50s. With the swiping culture, it’s harder to find someone, but it’s also harder to understand how to date in an age of The Bigger Better Deal is just around the corner. They’ve tried dating on their own — they may have already been married, or they just know what they are doing isn’t working and are sick of meeting the wrong people.
They’re ready to get off the carousel of bad dates and settle down with a serious partner. The trick is finding that person.
Professional matchmakers can help singles get clear about what they want and meet the right type of people, but that may not be enough to make a relationship work. Singles have to be willing to change their bad dating habits if they want to change their bad dating results.
Stef can identify her clients’ dating issues and suggest remedies. Whether she’s recommending an attitude adjustment or a personal stylist, Stef gives singles the resources to improve themselves and overcome obstacles on the way to love.
Stef and the City offers matchmaking, coaching, and other dating services to assist serious singles.
Stef and the City’s traditional matchmaking and coaching services give singles a primer on choosing a partner and getting in a relationship. But some singles need a little extra help along the way.
That’s why Stef offers additional services to get daters up to snuff and ready to knock the next date out of the park. The clients who take Stef’s feedback to heart and work on themselves often see their dating patterns change for the better. Stef can do her part as a matchmaker and dating coach, but she needs her clients to do their part as well.
“If you’re dissatisfied with your love life, you have to make changes. You have to do something do get what you want,” she said. “You can’t rely on us matchmakers to wave a magic wand.”
There’s No Quick Fix or Shortcut to Love
We’d all love it if matchmakers could wave a magic wand and make your one-true love materialize out of thin air. But it doesn’t work that way. Some singles mistake matchmakers for miracle workers and don’t understand that building a relationship takes much more than an introduction. Singles need to be willing to put in the effort to turn a date into something real and lasting.
Stef told us the most difficult part of her job often isn’t finding dates, it’s ensuring her clients set reasonable standards for themselves and their dates.
She advises her clients to set realistic expectations in the dating scene and not hold out for an imaginary perfect match. It doesn’t have to be can’t-eat, can’t-sleep love at first sight. A great first date doesn’t have to involve fireworks and candlelight. A long conversation at a coffee shop could be just as enjoyable and promising.
“If you’re dissatisfied with your love life, you have to make changes. You have to do something to get what you want.” — Stef Safran, Founder of Stef and the City
Stef encourages singles to look beyond the fairy tale and create a relationship that’s grounded in reality, honesty, and mutual attraction.
Dating can be a long and tedious process, but Stef is there to support her clients and see to it that they never give up hope. Her central message is for singles to let go of their false beliefs and unrealistic expectations and just try to have fun meeting new people. According to Stef, when you go into it with a positive frame of mind, you automatically become more attractive and engaging on dates.
“You have to do your best to enjoy the dating experience to find someone who’s right for you,” she said. “There’s no quick fix. You have to go on bad dates to know the good ones.”
Advocating for Serious Dating in the Age of Apps & Sites
Stef expanded her business to include online dating profile help because she saw singles struggling to master these high-tech tools and wanted to lend a hand. She teaches clients how to market themselves on a dating site and stand out from the crowd in their profiles and messages. Her online dating strategy focuses on using authentic and original content to draw serious date prospects.
This coaching program helps singles maximize their time on a dating site (or app) and get the most out of the experience.
Stef told us she’s concerned by the superficial direction online dating is taking, and she wants to remind online daters that there’s a person on the other end of that profile. “Dating attitudes have gotten worse now that you can instantly meet people. You don’t even need a computer,” she said. “We’ve stopped having to sit down and pay attention to people.”
Stef teaches her clients how to sort through their date prospects online in a smart and efficient way. It’s important to have a real conversation, she told us, before agreeing to a date with just anybody. Her step-by-step assistance keeps clients safe from scammers and brings common courtesy back to the modern dating scene.
“I’d like to see people take their safety seriously and treat each other better,” she said. “People don’t want to feel like they’re disposable and their feelings don’t matter.”
Stef Teaches You How to Get What You Want
The many frustrations and heartaches in the dating scene are enough to get anyone down. John was at his lowest low when he turned to Stef and the City for help. Stef gave him the sensible advice he needed to turn things around and put his best foot forward on every first date. Now his dating days are finally behind him, and he has a young family to call his own.
Though Stef didn’t introduce John to his wife, the Chicago matchmaker give him the confidence and dating strategies to get the relationship he wanted. Stef’s job isn’t simply to introduce singles — it’s to prepare them to make a good impression and succeed in the modern dating world. She gives them tips and tools they can use on their own, so nothing stands between them and a new love interest.
Stef’s matchmaking and coaching services have made a difference in countless lives, and she hopes to continue sharing her insights with singles across the country.
“People have to understand that dating isn’t an easy process, but it’s an important process,” she said. “There’s always something to learn from every date. And if you show you can listen and empathize, that means the person you end up with is going to be a quality person.”
Digitizing sexual health information in Kenya and Peru
In many parts of the world, young people lack access to accurate and understandable information on sexual and reproductive health. Myths and misconceptions are common and can lead to unnecessary anxiety, vulnerability to exploitation, and risky behaviour.
Since 2015, WHO has been supporting the ARMADILLO project, which has been working with more than 1600 young people in Kenya and Peru to pioneer a free text message service that offers confidential, straight-talking advice on relationships and sexual health.
Incorporating fast facts and quizzes, the message content covers topics on ‘love and life’ ranging from contraception to sexually transmitted infections, drugs and alcohol, youth rights, puberty, dating, relationships and self-esteem.
“Youth-friendly services aim to make facility-based healthcare more attractive and accessible for young people. But we also need to reach young people where they are, outside of the facilities,” explains Lianne Gonsalves, who has been managing the project at WHO. “Today, that has to include technology.”
“The appeal of using mobiles for sexual health education is clear,” she adds. You don’t need to have an awkward conversation with an adult or find time to go to the clinic; it is low-cost and discrete – providing immediate info at the click of a button.
The next step, however, is to assess how well such information is understood and retained by youth who use it, and crucially, if it impacts on their knowledge and attitudes in key health areas such as contraceptive use.
Developing youth-friendly health content
A partnership between WHO, Kenya’s International Centre for Reproductive Health (ICRH-K) in Mombasa and the Universidad Peruana Cayetano Heredia in Lima, ARMADILLO targets adolescents and youth who own their own phone, aged between 18 and 24 in Kenya and 13 and 17 in Peru.
Once they sign up, the young people receive a series of different text messages over several weeks in their chosen language. One week, the topic might be relationships – they can choose to receive content on friendship, dating, infatuation, love, communication and self-esteem; the next, they might receive messages on contraception, such as information on different contraceptive types.
In designing the messages, the teams talked to groups of young Kenyans and Peruvians to get inputs on their ideas and concerns, and topics on which they wanted to know more.
The ARMADILLO platform provided confidential information relating to relationships and sexual health. Photo: ICRH-K/ J Mwaisaka
“While they told us they wanted info on sexual health, they were also keen to get advice on dating and relationships,” says Jefferson Mwaisaka from ICRH-K, who helped coordinate the ARMADILLO study in Kenya.
“For us, it was important to include this, as part of a broader conversation around decision making – knowing how to respect yourself and others, and becoming sexually healthy, protected and confident adults.”
The way forward
With a new global strategy for digital health under development, WHO is playing a leading role in developing evidence and guidance, monitoring trends, and spearheading innovative mobile and other digital initiatives and research into what works.
“Done well, mobile technology could be an invaluable tool for helping young people bust myths around sexual health to get the information they need, when they need it,” explains Mwaisaka. “A major benefit of ARMADILLO will be its contribution to an important, but as yet underdeveloped, evidence base on digital health.”
Results from the study will be published later in the year, with potential to expand the platform in the two countries in the future.
Dear Annie: Wrestling with a workplace crush
Dear Annie: I have been at my job for almost 12 years. About three years ago, I met a girl who had recently started working there. I should probably mention that I am a bisexual woman. Well, I kind of developed a wicked big crush on her. I have no clue whether she even likes women, and I’m way too shy to ask. But I can’t get this girl off my mind. We only see each other at work, and I hide the way I feel because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or stop talking to me. It’s been three years, and I still feel the same about her, so I know it’s not going away any time soon.
I kind of want to tell her just to get it off my chest. I don’t know what to do about this. Do you think she would stop talking to me if I told her? Should I keep it to myself and move on? — Seriously Need Advice
Dear Seriously Need Advice: Dating co-workers is risky business. Sure, we all know married couples whose first date was in an office break room. But confessing your feelings to your co-worker could put you both in an uncomfortable situation, as you note, and might even put your job in jeopardy — all for a crush, and crushes, by their very nature, are built on flimsy intel. So perhaps you should get to know this woman better as a friend. Go out for lunch or coffee. See whether you even really like her or it’s just an infatuation born of workplace boredom. Toward that end, I’d also encourage you to ramp up your efforts in looking for love outside the office. It’s only natural for your brain to seek a romantic rush, and if you’re not finding that elsewhere, it will work with whatever is available. If your feelings for this woman persist and you get the impression she’s interested in you, see what HR policies are in place, and proceed with extreme caution, putting professionalism and politeness first.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “No More Calls for Me,” who complained about people not giving their full attention to her when she calls. She should take a look at herself. Is she calling a busy mother whose children are wreaking havoc, someone cooking, someone trying to watch a favorite TV show? Does she ask whether the person she’s called is busy or available to talk? Above all, is she keeping people on the phone for hours? These people may be trying to be polite by not telling her that it’s time to hang up. — Experienced on the Other Side
Dear Experienced: Well said. I love a good flip of the script.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
Naperville girl trades cheerleading for football at Neuqua Valley
NAPERVILLE — Tessa Kucharski has wanted to play football since seventh grade.
After spending the first two years of high school on the sidelines as a cheerleader, the Naperville junior is finally getting her shot at gridiron glory. She made the Neuqua Valley junior varsity football team as a safety.
“I didn’t expect to have so much fun on the football team,” Tessa said.
The journey for the 5-foot 3-inch cheerleader-turned-football-player hasn’t been easy.
“I knew it was going to be hard,” she said. “It was that intensity level I was expecting. … I feel like after this I’m going to be a better athlete.”
But, she added, “I’m scared to mess up; I want my team to be the best it can be.”
Once football season is over, No. 33, whose long, brown pony tail extends from the back of her helmet, will return to cheerleading for the winter competition season and then play on the school’s Ultimate Frisbee Club in the spring, where her role is similar to the one she has on the football team.
The 16-year-old has been involved in sports since she was little, her mother Kristen Kucharski said.
“We have every racquet, cleat, ballet slipper, ball, shoe or whatever you can think of,” she said.
But when her daughter approached her about playing football in middle school, Kucharski said she was a bit apprehensive.
It was less about Tessa’s physical ability than the possibility she wouldn’t be accepted socially by her peers. “It’s a shocking time of life,” Kucharski said.
Mom assumed her daughter would forget about football once she got involved in other activities in high school.
Tessa didn’t forget.
Varsity coach Bill Ellinghaus said when Tessa reached out to him last January about the possibility of joining the football team in the fall, he urged her build up her strength to handle tackling.
That meant joining the boys at 5:45 a.m. for conditioning workouts four times a week. Tessa followed through, missing only a few early morning sessions, Ellinghaus said.
While girls frequently have tried out for the football team, most quit before the season starts, he said.
Throughout the history of Indian Prairie School District 204, only three girls have been rostered on a high school football team: two at Neuqua Valley (Tessa included) and one at Waubonsie Valley, according to Louis Lee, assistant superintendent for the high schools.
Tessa would follow up conditioning with summer football camps and worked out in pads in August alongside her teammates. “She was with us all summer,” Ellinghaus said. “I’ve got to give it to her.”
Ellinghaus did notice some of the players at first didn’t want to run her over in practice. “I had to pull them aside and tell them we need to treat her like everyone else,” he said.
Even though Tessa’s a foot shorter than some of the players, Ellinghaus said he treats her as he would any other smaller athlete, making sure to pair her against comparable athletes for tackling drills or one-on-one in games.
Kristen Kucharski said her daughter’s safety is always on her mind, both on and off the field.
In cheerleading, girls don’t wear headgear or pads when they’re tossed into the air, she said. One missed catch can cause broken bones or a concussion.
“I think my odds are better with football,” Kucharski said.
What makes her mother most proud is how the fellow players coach her on the sidelines and how the coaches give her tips, all accepting Tessa regardless of her gender.
“It’s not just about a girl,” Kucharski said, but about how the team fosters her spirit and her dream of playing football.
Neuqua Valley Principal Bob McBride said the school encourages students to pursue a variety of activities and works to accommodate them where necessary.
In Tessa’s case, when the team is on the road the athletic director alerts the opposing school of the need to have a separate space for Tessa to dress.
McBride said schools either have a girls locker room or locker room for officials where Tessa can change before and after the game.
The principal said the concept of inclusion is incorporated into the school curriculum and ingrained in the staff, students and parents throughout the school year.
Tessa admits there were times she thought she’d never be accepted by her teammates. A big turning point was during a game when Tessa proved she could follow through with all the hard work.
“I made a good tackle,” Tessa said. “Everybody cheered. I felt pretty accepted.”
Two games into the season, Tessa says she’s one of the guys.
“They don’t treat me as a girl,” she said. “I don’t want to be treated any different.”
Tessa acknowledges there’s a different dynamic between playing on a team of boys versus girls, particularly when a football teammate intentionally belches or passes gas to get a rise out of her. Tessa says she’s unfazed.
That said, she says she doesn’t always feel comfortable bringing out her geek side. “I can be more of myself with my girls,” she said.
Despite that, playing on an all-boys team has given Tessa the chance to share her knowledge of the female psyche with teammates, some of whom might need dating advice or a better understanding of how girls think, particularly with the homecoming dance coming up on Sept. 29.
Tessa’s all set up for that, planning to attend with a Waubonsie football player.
Her mother says don’t be fooled by her daughter’s occasional tough exterior.
“Tessa’s all girl. She likes to get dressed up and curl her hair,” Kucharski said.
