Tag Archives: dating advice
How To Win At Online Dating
When you’re writing the profile…
Break it up: The structure of your profile is very important, Pompey says. “People have very quick attention spans, so break your profile into two to three sentence mini-paragraphs at most,” he says. Online daters tend to skim profiles for information at first and then go back to read the whole thing if they’re interested. So having short paragraphs — maybe one dedicated to your hobbies, one to your career, and one to where you want to travel — makes it easier to skim.
Be conversational: If you can write your profile almost as if you’re speaking directly to the people who are reading it, that will make it feel as if they’re really getting to know you, Pompey says.
Open with an attention grabber: “The beginning of the profile is your chance to instantly draw someone into who you are and what you’re all about,” Pompey says. So lead with something unique or interesting about you (bonus points if it’s funny).
Add “profile bait”: What Pompey calls “profile bait” is anything that makes it easier for the people reading your profile to think of an opening line when they message you. “So if I’ve been talking about traveling, I might say at the end of that sentence, ‘Where’s on your bucket list these days?’ and that baits the reader into starting the conversation,” he says.
Write with words of confidence: “A lot of people accidentally use language that makes them appear needy or a desperate or seem like they’re disgruntled,” Pompey says. For example, writing something like “I hope to meet someone who’s intelligent, ambitious, and fun” seems totally fine. But the word “hope” is passive. It’s better to write, “The perfect guy for me would be intelligent, fun…,” he says, because it’s more assertive. In general, be positive. List what you want in a partner and avoid self-deprecating jokes.
Nicole Andersson gets expert dating advice from Anne Curtis
Nicole Andersson did something interesting for her beauty vlog, with Anne Curtis as her guest: the blindfolded makeup challenge. Basically the celebrities will both do each other’s full makeup blindfolded, using BLK products. “We’re gonna see kung kaya akong pagandahin nito.” Nicole said. “Anne, gandahan mo, because now that I’m single, kailangan ko na ng help mo.” She asked for something she could wear on a date night “Gusto ko yung pag lumabas ako sa Poblacion [mapapalingon] yung guys, like, ‘Sino yun’? I want like a head-turner look.” Anne (who didn’t have any makeup on and was wearing a large shirt but still managed to look gorgeous) on the other hand, wanted something she could wear while on set for showtime. Beyond the challenge results, there were plenty we’ve picked up in the video.
Anne is a very hands-on mom to her baby, BLK Cosmetics
Okay, we’re all aware Anne is an amazing girl boss, but this video revealed how hands-on she really is with the production of each and every one of her BLK products. We gotta say, it’s impressive how the challenge of being blindfolded didn’t seem as daunting to her because she knew everything by heart. Even Nicole said so. “Anne in fairness ah, nag practice ka ba kagabi?” She revealed that she chooses all the packaging of her products, so she could easily identify them even with her eyes closed–and even beyond that. Referring to the contour palette, she said, “Kabisado ko. Contour, highlighter, blush.” (Pointing to the respective palettes correctly, still with her eyes closed)
It also seems she’s involved with the whole production process, which doesn’t just stop once the product is released. For instance, with the BLK powder, “I really wanted it to be translucent. That’s where we had a problem because not all people like super light face powder,” she said. “So when we did this, it was super light and sheer, and then we listened to our consumers and they wanted more coverage so we had to redo it.”
She also revealed she tests them herself before launching. “There’s actually something coming out soon that [Robbie Pinera] has been trying on me. Something to look forward to next month.” We’ll keep an eye out for that.
On finding The One
Seeing as Anne already found her true love, Nicole asked her for some dating tips. Her advice? “First enjoy it. I’m not saying like go around and date random people. Just take your time choosing first. Really get to know the person before choosing the final one that you really decide on spending, you know. I can’t say the rest of your life with diba, parang too early. But you know, you see that person as a potential partner; to lead in that direction.” She added, “Don’t waste your time on someone that you [can’t see your life with]. Don’t settle.”
Nicole’s love life
“The only thing that’s complicated here is my love life.” Nicole said when Anne discussed BLK’s uncomplicated beauty philosophy. Nicole gave her friend credit during the video: “If I meet my husband tonight, I owe it all to you.” Anne already has a simple yet powerful speech to her wedding: “I got you, girl.”
Anne Curtis was way ahead of the contouring game
For Anne, contour is life. She said, “Kim K started that whole trend, but I’ve been doing it since the ’90s.”
Anne’s LOVES Koreans
It’s no secret she’s obsessed with Korea and their culture. But to what extent, she revealed in the video. When Nicole mentioned she’s never dated a Korean before, Anne said, “Kung di ako kinasal, maybe I would have [dated a Korean].” To which the beauty blogger responded, “Oh my gosh. Well Anne, you can’t have them all. Give chance to others.” Let’s hope Erwan doesn’t watch this.
Makeup hacks
Since this is technically a makeup blog, so we’ve picked up a lot of things, like:
1) Anne’s makeup artist, Robbie Pinera blends eyeshadow all the way to below the eyebrows.
2) Anne likes to put highlights above the cheek and a little bit on the chin, while Nicole likes to put highlight on the highest points of the face ’cause she that’s where the light hits. She shares her application techniques, too. “What I do is I start from the outside of your eye then I do a crescent moon tapos konti sa nose then konti sa forehead and chin.”
3) For a drunk blush look, “yung parang naarawan ka lang,” as Nicole put it, the technique is to apply two dots of tint on both cheeks, one on the chin, and one on the nose, and then blend. “Medyo pa-round para on the apples of your cheek and then sweep it across tapos medyo konti lang sa chin para natural and then we’ll set it with powder.”
4) On applying two eyeshadow colors, Nicole does it by applying the first one all over the lid, while the second on the inner corner of the eye, and then she blends. “I don’t pull because eye area is sensitive. So pat lang. And that way it’s still also very pigmented.”
5) To achieve fuller lashes, Nicole share this tip: “I go to the end of the lash and then vibrate my hand outward kasi that way, you’re separating the hairs of the lashes and then also it adds volume and it spreads the product evenly.”
Oh, and Nicole has this very handy life hack for Anne when she can’t get both brows right: “One side lang pakita mo [sa camera]. Kasi pag front, naco-compare.”
For this challenge, Anne won the round. Watch the video below and let us know if you agree.
Art by Marian Hukom
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Relationship advice from Christopher Kane—our fashionable Agony Aunt
Dear Christopher,
Ever since I went to a fetish club as a dare in my first week of university, I’ve wanted to try BDSM. But every boyfriend has run a mile when I’ve suggested it. I’m currently two months into a relationship with a guy I really, really like and I want to raise it without scaring him off. How do I broach the subject?
Leather Lover, 23, New Cross
Dear Leather Lover,
Well done you for exploring your sexuality and knowing what you want. Being sexually frustrated so early in a relationship is a big no-no. It will inevitably build resentment: being unfulfilled will make you a very unhappy bunny. I also have a love for leather, however it can be intimidating to others (why? I have no idea). I suggest introducing it into your daily wardrobe: a black leather pencil skirt will get his attention while whetting his appetite for what is to come. Compatibility and enjoying shared experiences is essential to a relationship. You are a strong woman: own your body and mind, be empowered by your sexual tastes and never falter from your natural desires. We all have to kiss a few frogs before we get our Prince Charming.
Dear Christopher,
I’m in a loving relationship with my husband, with three grown-up daughters whom I adore. But when it comes to sex, I’m afraid he’s just not interested any more. I’ve tried wearing shorter skirts and stockings; I even did the hoovering up in a bra and knickers but to no avail. What to do?
Kim, 53, Wood Green
Dear Kim,
I feel for you, but hang on in there, you clearly love your husband very much. Put a halt to the desperate housewife peep show as this could be making the problem worse. I would advise talking to him, asking him to open up and share his feelings: he may well be going through the man-o-pause (yes, it is a recognised condition). I would also try a more subtle approach. I am a big fan of The Joy of Sex book: perhaps you could leave a copy of it on his bedside table as it never fails to get one in the mood. Failing that, many women find an intimate battery-operated device works for them.
Christopher Kane AW18
Dear Christopher,
My friends tell me I’m attractive for my age with a trim figure, and I dress in a stylish way, keep my hair coloured and like to go out with friends for drinks and dancing. But, for the life of me, I cannot attract a decent man on Tinder. Please, please can you advise me on a fashionable, sexy look to suit my age (I’m 47) which will attract a good and kind man who likes a kiss and a cuddle.
Denise, 47, Crouch End
Dear Denise,
Believe it or not, there are thousands of people just like you in the UK facing the dilemmas of dating. I’m a big believer in looking good: how you dress is important as it tells the world what you are about. Have a look on my website: I have a stunning black velvet fitted lace dress (right) which is sexy and elegant. Ideally, Tinder isn’t the way to go for a long-term relationship. I’ve found that since I got my puppy, Bruce, I meet all walks of life in the park. Love will find you in the most unexpected places. Stay fabulous and please stop trying so hard: the ‘eau de desperation’ can be quite pungent.
Christopher Kane AW18
Dear Christopher,
The #MeToo movement has left me nervous to approach, let alone flirt with, a woman in a bar. Who even does that any more? But as a recently separated straight man, I find the dating scene has changed in the past seven or so years I’ve been out of it. What’s even correct? What’s my opening line? I’ve never been one for cheesy chat-ups. ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ What’s allowed? What’s not? I’m petrified.
Marc, 35, Tooting
Dear Marc,
This is a good start to thoughtful, successful dating. You are not alone: many men are freaking out about how to navigate modern dating etiquette. Some people like a cheesy joke, some people
like the direct approach. As you’re a bit rusty, take it one step at a time to build your confidence. Practice makes perfect! Follow the three golden rules: 1. Be nothing less than a gentleman. 2. Be yourself 3. Keep your expectations reasonable. Everyone loves a compliment, but keep them clean. This dating malarkey can take a bit of time.
11 Common Pieces Of Dating Advice That Can Be Toxic
There’s so much dating advice floating around out there, that it can be tough to weed through it all and get down to the good stuff. This becomes even trickier when it’s well-known dating advice you’ve heard a million times, such as “you need to get back out there” and “you teach people how to treat you.” You might take these lines as gospel — as so many people do — but in reality, quite a few classic dating tips can actually be quite toxic.
If advice like this works for you, and you find it helpful in some way, that’s great. But don’t follow it if you feel it may be leading you down the wrong road, or making your dating life more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly OK to pause and reevaluate these common tips and tricks, to see if they really work for you, and adjust as necessary.
“All dating advice should be taken with a grain of salt,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. You need to pause and think if it applies to you, if it’s helpful, or if it’s even actually still viable, especially since the “rules” of dating change all the time. Here are a few well-known but potentially toxic pieces of dating advice we’ve all heard but may need to ignore, according to experts.
1Be Extra Impressive On The First Date
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
While it’s fun to present a slightly better version of yourself on the first date — you might get dressed up, be extra chatty, and so on — it’s not a good idea to pretend to be someone you’re not, regardless of what anyone says.
“The first impression matters, but while you should behave well on your dates, you should also show off your true self,” Sonya Schwartz, a dating and relationship expert, tells Bustle. “Don’t say you like something you don’t just to make a good impression.” And don’t act in a way that feels natural.
“If things evolve into a relationship, it will be hard to explain why you lied at first,” she says. You want this person to see the real you, so that you can have a truthful relationship, but also know from the get-go if you’re truly compatible.
2Remember That Opposites Attract
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If you’ve heard the age-old advice that “opposites attract,” then you know it implies two people need to be very different in order to have a healthy relationship. But this can be a toxic mindset to have, if you take it too seriously.
“The problem with this advice is that you then focus on the wrong attributes,” Len Rubel, founder of Strategy for Dating, tells Bustle. “You focus on looking for someone who is different on the surface, not who they are at their core — and surface-level attraction won’t last.”
Compatibility, when it comes to core values, is everything. “Dating someone with completely opposite views and aspirations could be exciting at first but in the long-run, it [may] only lead to frustration and arguments,” Schwartz says. Of course, you can find happiness with someone who’s very different from you, but it’s definitely not a requirement.
3Always Play Hard To Get
Ashley Batz/Bustle
This is another piece of toxic dating advice that well-meaning friends dole out on the regular. But it definitely isn’t helpful.
As Schwartz says, many people who play hard to get find themselves losing confidence as the game goes on. Not to mention, this strategy has a tendency to backfire, as many people quickly lose interest when they don’t think someone cares.
What you should do instead, Schwartz says, “is show your interest and see what response you get.” If you’re both feelin’ it, let each other know and go from there.
4You Teach People How To Treat You
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Have you ever heard the old saying, “You teach people how to treat you”? This implies that you need to, well, teach someone how to be nice to you, polite, and so on by not allowing them to get away with rudeness and disrespect.
But in reality, with the right partner, experts say you shouldn’t have to “teach” them anything. “If you have to teach someone to be kind, considerate, loving, and respectful towards you then you’re with the wrong person,” dating expert Kevin Darné tells Bustle. “Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. The goal is to find someone who already is the kind of person you want to be with.”
5Don’t Have Sex On The First Date
Ashley Batz/Bustle
We’ve all been told that it’s important to avoid having sex on the first date. Doing so, as many people say, not only ruins your date’s opinion of you, but also ruins your chances of ever seeing them again.
And yet, nothing could be further from the truth. “No one should have sex unless they want to,” Darné says. “Playing a calendar game with sex has never insured a lasting relationship.” So if you want to have a good time, and it feels right, go for it.
Also, bear in mind that if this person was going to be negatively impacted by hooking up on the first date, they weren’t someone you likely wanted to be with anyway.
“Having sex […] doesn’t convert nice [people] into […] jerks,” Darné says. “Odds are they were jerks to begin with […] The only agenda for having sex in a new relationship is to determine chemistry […] If you don’t feel like having sex then don’t. Let it be your choice.”
6Being In A Relationship Means Having “No Privacy”
Ashley Batz/Bustle
Many people are under the impression that being in a relationship means you have to give up all your privacy. But that’s just not true. You can date, and even be in a relationship, and still maintain healthy boundaries.
While partners do have more access to each other’s lives than the average person, it’s not a requirement for dating to be a complete open book. “No one is entitled to snoop through your personal items,” Darné says. “Trust should be one of the foundations of a relationship.” And starting off on the wrong foot, by snooping or being distrustful, just isn’t healthy.
7Dating Is A Numbers Game
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If you’ve ever been told to get out there and date as many people as you can, feel free to ignore it. Despite what people say, dating isn’t a number games, Eric Resnick, a leading dating coach, tells Bustle. “When you take that approach to dating, you are setting a countdown timer and you have to find ‘the one’ before you get so fed up that you give up on looking.”
Instead, “try listening to your gut a little bit more,” he says. “You might not know if a potential date is [right for you,] but there’s a pretty good chance when you can tell that they aren’t.”
8You Need To Rebound To Recover From A Breakup
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Many people are quick to tell their friends that they need to “get back out there” in order to recover after a breakup. And while that advice works for some, it can be toxic for others.
If you aren’t ready to date, you might be “exposing yourself when you are in a vulnerable state,” David A. Songco, PsyD, CGP, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. For many people, going out or having sex before they’ve recovered can be more painful than just staying home.
Also, it might confirm in your mind that you need another person in order to feel better, which just isn’t true. As Dr. Songco says, “If you are looking to others for validation, that is usually indicative that you have other, deeper things to work on before trying have a relationship.” So instead of rebounding, you may want to talk with a trusted family member, friend, or even reach out to a therapist.
9If You Wait Around, The Right Person Will Come Along
Ashley Batz/Bustle
Sadly, sitting at home or hoping you’ll meet someone new, without actually putting yourself out there, doesn’t always work. Sure, you might strike it lucky and meet a cool person on your way to work. But more often than not, dating takes effort.
As Bennett says, “The best way to make sure you meet the right person is to actually take the initiative in dating.” Join meet ups, try a dating app, go out with friends, and be open to new experiences — all of which will open up the chances of the right person coming along.
10You’ll Find Your Perfect Person
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
While it’s obviously fine to have high standards when it comes to dating, it’s not healthy to be on the lookout for a “perfect” person — as they simply don’t exist.
“If you’re expecting your date to be some impossible ideal, you’ll never be happy,” Bennett says. “Hold to your standards and core values, but also recognize that all people have flaws (including you) and that’s OK.”
11You Don’t Have To Change For Anyone
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
As mentioned above, it’s toxic to try to be someone you’re not. And yet, when you’re in the market to meet someone new, it can be just as toxic to keep doing the same thing while expecting different results.
It’s important to remain authentic and true to yourself but it never hurts to engage in some self-reflection, and find ways to be your best self in order to attract the type of people you deserve, Bennett says.
This might include going to therapy to learn how to let go of old baggage, talking with friends, or stepping outside your comfort zone. By focusing on self improvement — and ignoring some these super antiquated dating tips — you’ll be less likely to fall into toxic traps when it comes to relationships.
