Relationships Talk

Did you realize that, unless you work together, you likely spend more time at work than you do with your spouse or significant other? And regardless of your relationship status, you likely spend the majority of your productive waking hours with coworkers and bosses, rather than any other human being. Isn’t that crazy? Your work life impacts your relationships whether you like it or not, and that’s just one of the many ways your work life impacts your overall happiness.

Given that your work life takes up so much of your life, it probably wouldn’t be very hard to believe that the act of finding work – or job searching – is actually a LOT like dating.

I know what you might be thinking – having a “work spouse” doesn’t count. However, just think about it for a second: from initiating your online job search to the interview stage, there are a lot of similarities between finding the right person to date and finding the right company to work for – in both cases you’re going through what seems like tons of hoops just to try to find that perfect match!

Here are the 4 specific ways job searching is like dating, along with how you can stand out during the hiring process using some of the same tactics you would when dating:

1. First impression is everything

Your first impression is crucial when it comes to dating, which is why a boring first message, an uninspiring profile, or bad manners will tank your attempts at catching someone’s attention upon your first encounter with them (online or in person). The same holds true for job hunting: If your cover letter is bland or your resume does not incorporate keywords that would interest the recruiter, your application will give a lackluster first impression and will likely be rejected outright. And in the job interview setting, if you’re late, not dressed appropriately and forget to smile – the interviewer might hold that all against you.

To impress the person who’s essentially judging you in the job search setting, you must create a cover letter that pops and pair it with a tailored resume that gives the info that they’re really looking for. This shows the recruiter that you care, similar to how sending a personalized message to a date would show you care and are making a real effort. Sure, it may take more time to get through your job search if you’re customizing everything (rather than “bulk-applying”), but quality is more important than quality – right?

2. You both have non-negotiables (or “must-haves”)

If you’re looking for love, odds are you’ve got a short list of characteristics that your ideal mate should have….as well as a list of traits you hope they don’t have!

The same holds true for job searching: You have your dream list of what you want in a job, as well as lessons learned from past work experiences that you hope to avoid this time. Potential employers have their own non-negotiables, too. The salary may be capped for the position, or there may be a hard line on skills requirements, years of experience in a given field, or personality traits required for new hires.

Just as with dating, the non-negotiables are always there for a reason. During the interview, see how the employer might meet your needs and avoid your dislikes. If you settle for an employer who doesn’t offer what you need then you’re essentially settling – which then means the position will likely be temporary!

3. You’re not owed an answer

Time for some harsh truth: In dating, no one owes you an answer as to why they don’t want to go out again. And in hiring, no employer owes you an answer as to why they passed on your candidacy.

This can sting, especially if you made it through first-round interviews. Try not to take the rejection personally and don’t let it affect your commitment to your job search.

If you were interviewed and were not offered the job, reach out to the hiring manager. It never hurts to ask why they went with another candidate (tip: ask once, and with the understanding that no answer is required – and any information provided is done so with your best interests at heart). You may be able to learn something that can help you improve your performance for the next interview.

4. You’ll just “know”
With job hunting and dating, you will know when the fit is right.

This is frustrating advice when you’re striking out, but it helps you keep perspective through the ups and downs of the job search.

Do your research before every interview, but trust your gut during the process. It’s natural to feel nervous during an interview, but if you get the sense that an environment is not what you are looking for, listen to that inner sense. When the fit is right, the employer will recognize and honor your skills and abilities. You will feel excited to join the company and inspired to contribute your skills to their mission.

Important side note: While there are similarities between your work life and romantic life, office romance should be avoided! It can get messy if the relationship sours, and workplace romances may be prohibited under corporate policies.

This article was originally posted on Kununu.com. 

More from Ladders

It’s often the small things in life that can make your day a little brighter – your fave song on the radio, you’re friend tagging you in a teacup pig video or not having to hunt for a bobby pin. And the same goes for relationships.

Real life isn’t what’s portrayed on the set of The Bachelor (well most of the time anyway) and sometimes all you need to make you feel secure and loved is a smile from across the room or a Ferrero Rocher on your pillow.

UK Site the Superdrug Online Doctor recently did a survey of over 900 people across the US and Europe to discover which little relationship gestures best keep the spark alive – and what got the number 1 spot for both males and females was your SO laughing at your jokes.

Yep – the way to our hearts is laugher with 67.8 percent of women said they cherished this act the most, while 69.2 percent of men felt the same. Random smiles and receiving food took the second and third spots but in reverse order between the genders.

When it came to being turned on, turns out both genders are suckers for a compliment with over 31 percent of men and 36.7 percent of women remarking that their partner calling them “sexy” or “attractive” is a fast track way to the sack.

Other arousal triggers for women included their partner buying them experience, rather than physical objects, and handing them a towel when they get out of the shower (!?). For men, their partner walking around the house naked, random smiles and sex-related gifts gets the heart racing.

Here’s the full lists:

10 SMALL THINGS WOMEN AND MEN VALUE MOST IN RELATIONSHIPS

Women

1. Laughs at my jokes
2. Smiles at me often or randomly
3. Buys me food I like
4. Tell me I’m sexy or attractive
5. Makes me meals
6. Soothes me when I’m upset
7. Fixes things around the house
8. Buys me dinner or always offers to pay
9. Calls me a pet name
10. Makes social plans for us

Men

1. Laughs at my jokes
2. Buys me food I like
3. Smiles at me often or randomly
4. Makes me meals
5. Surprises me with gifts
6. Makes social plans for us
7. Gives me full attention when I’m talking
8. Remembers personal details about my life
9. Makes the bed
10. Does my laundry

10 SMALL THINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP WOMEN AND MEN FIND MOST AROUSING

Women

1. Tells me I’m sexy or attractive
2. Buys me experiences
3. Smiles at me often or randomly
4. Gives me a towel when I’m fresh out of the shower
5. Smells good all the times
6. Buys me lingerie or sex-related items
7. Buys me flowers
8. Makes me meals
9. Calls me a pet name
10. Likes spontaneous trips or adventures

Men

1. Tells me I’m sexy or attractive
2. Gives me a towel when I’m fresh out of the shower
3. Smiles at me often or randomly
4. Walks around the house naked
5. Buys me experiences
6. Buys me lingerie or sex-related items
7. Smells good all the time
8. Laughs at my jokes
9. Buys me food I like
10. Agrees to stay in with me when I don’t feel like going out

While we’re on the topic, read about how one woman found and married the love of her life at 40. Plus, these 5 proposal stories will give you goosebumps.

Know someone who would find this interesting? Share this article with them!

The modern dating scene is rife with challenges that many singles aren’t equipped to handle on their own. They don’t know where to go to find love, they don’t understand how to build a healthy relationship, or they lack the insight to overcome their frustrations and disappointments. Sometimes singles in difficult circumstances look for guidance from friends and family members, who may or may not be qualified to give them the answers they need.

So many singles end up adrift in the dating scene simply because they lack the understanding and resources to make better decisions and set themselves up for success.

Dating expert Peter Kowalke is on a mission to change all that. He founded Kowalke Relationship Coaching to ensure singles and couples always have access to the help they need.

“We want to help everybody and make coaching more accessible,” he said. “A lot of people want to make changes but they’re not ready to jump all the way in, so we work with them where they’re at.”

Peter and his team of consultants have created an affordable support network and library of resources to inform and inspire daters around the world. Based in San Francisco, Peter’s business philosophy is to make peace, not war, and he looks for opportunities to work alongside dating coaches, relationship coaches, and matchmakers in the US.

“The beautiful thing about our industry is that we don’t need to fight each other,” he said. “We have an infinite market, so it’s more about getting the word out and making resources easily accessible to everyone.”

The Joy Love Club Lowers the Price Point of Expert Advice

Individualized coaching services have long been the focal point of Peter’s coaching business, but recently that has started to change. He has noticed that not everyone wants or is ready to do deep personal work in intensive sessions, so he has lightened things up with a more affordable and approachable subscription service.

The Joy Love Club offers instructive webinars, courses, and members-only content to subscribers for a low monthly fee. Peter said he’s seen that more people are willing to pay small subscriptions than a lump sum for coaching.

“As a society we’re moving more toward subscription models,” he said. “I think you’re beginning to see a difference in the way coaches package their services, and we want to be at the forefront of that.”

“The Joy Love Club is a live series for singles who are looking for that lasting relationship.” — Peter Kowalke

The Joy Love Club makes professional dating advice more accessible to daters on a budget. It also helps the team reach more people without spreading themselves too thin. The webinars focus on concrete ways to improve dating tactics and mindsets based on years of experience. Peter described it as “do-it-yourself coaching” because the professionals offer information and exercises without holding the client’s hand.

From January through April, Peter and his team beta-tested the webinar package to make sure they hit the mark. They brought in many dating and relationship experts as guests and provided tips on everything from how to communicate with a date to how to spot red flags.

“We’re packing together our articles, courses, and group events into a subscription service,” he said. “Unlike the free stuff, it has a coherency and flow that tells you what to do and how to do it. In some ways, that frees up our coaches who can now refer people to those resources and then dive deep into belief work during in-person sessions.”

Expanding to Emphasize Growth Coaching & Self-Love

Sometimes people avoid coaching services because of the stigma against seeking professional help. They don’t want to appear weak or admit they can’t handle their personal lives. So they struggle on their own.

Peter and his team give clients a plan for self-growth and hold them accountable for sticking to it.

Peter has a plan to reach out a lifeline to those folks, however, and make the idea of coaching more palatable to them. He has recently launched Growth Coaching, an intensive program focused on self-development and growth.

It’s certainly an easier sell to customers. Instead of telling them they need life coaching, the coaches invite them to learn and grow. As Peter said, “Who doesn’t like growth?”

Expanding from relationship coaching to more generalized coaching has been a natural progression for the Kowalke Relationship Coaching team. Their goal is to prepare individuals to maintain healthy relationships, and that starts with cultivating a good relationship with oneself.

“We’ve been focusing on the relationship the client has with themselves because it’s an important part of having a relationship with other people. It’s so foundational, we couldn’t ignore it.”

Peter said growth coaching gives the team a natural lead into relationship coaching because once the client feels good about themselves, they’re ready to meet someone and start a relationship.

Meeting Needs by Combining Tactics & Deep Work

Peter’s coaching services appeal to low-budget daters, and that’s very much by design. His target audience isn’t high-end professionals who have everything going for them — he wants to reach out to everyday individuals facing real challenges in their personal lives. He said his clients range in age from early 20s to mid-50s.

He has seen his coaching resonate with people of all cultural backgrounds, but he is particularly popular among Indian and Chinese singles. Peter provides a range of resources and expertise to speak to this diverse audience.

He said it’s important when coaching someone looking for love to offer a balance of practical advice, and deeper, inner belief work. Peter’s team can provide concrete dating tactics, but they also buffer those tips with deep inner work and personal development. “Self-love is huge in this space,” Peter said, “and it’s something people can really struggle with.”

From dating coaching to life coaching, the Kowalke Relationship Coaching team addresses all sorts of important issues to help clients reach their full potential and live happy, healthy lives.

“A lot of people don’t want coaching — they want consulting,” he explained. “Some clients want someone to tell them what to do, and so we offer that as well as the deep work it takes to really get them where they want to go.”

Peter’s Collaborative Mindset Benefits Everyone

Singles don’t have to face their problems alone when there are hundreds of dating professionals to support and educate them. Leading experts like Peter Kowalke go above and beyond what the average friend or family member can do by putting together comprehensive strategies that have gotten results in the modern dating scene.

Whether he’s conducting a personalized coaching session or a group talk as part of the Joy Love Club, Peter’s authority in the dating scene brings clarity to daters who all too often have no clue what they’re doing right or wrong.

In the coming years, Peter said his goal is to reach out to colleagues in the dating industry and brainstorm ways that they can work together to improve the lives of singles and couples everywhere.

“We’re all in this together. We should partner and find a way to expand together,” he said. “I’m a relationship coach, so I’m always thinking about partnerships. I say, ‘Let’s work together and build it bigger,’ and I think with the Joy Love Club, that’s possible.”