‘He showed me that he respected women’: Michelle Obama gives dating advice to help people find their own Barack – and jokes that George Clooney is her celebrity ‘freebie’
The former first lady, 54, appeared on the cover of Essence magazine
She showed off her natural curls while talking about her relationship with President Barack Obama, 57
Michelle advised people to seek out partners who are secure in themselves
On Thursday evening, Michelle appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where she jokingly said George was her ‘freebie’
These appearances come as Michelle launches her book, Becoming
Michelle Obama shared valuable relationship advice — and revealed her own celebrity ‘freebie’ — while promoting her book Becoming this week.
The former first lady, 54, covers the December issue of Essence, rocking her natural curls for the front of the magazine.
Michelle looked radiant wearing a white suit jacket and fitted tank on the cover, and in an interview with the magazine she opened up about her relationship with President Barack Obama, 57, and the dating advice she has for other people.
Stunning: Michelle Obama, 54, wore her natural curls on the cover of Essence magazine’s latest issue, as she dished about her relationship with President Barack Obama, 57
Gorgeous: People praised the former first lady for showing off her natural hair publicly for the first time during the cover shoot
Happy: The cover shoot comes as Michelle’s book, Becoming, was released
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Love: During the interview, Michelle, pictured with Obama in January 2017, advised people to find someone who is secure in who they are for a long-term partner
‘From our very first conversations, he showed me that he wasn’t afraid to express his fears and doubts, or that he might not have all the answers,’ Michelle told the magazine.
‘Just as important, I saw who he was not only in the way he treated me but in the way he interacted with others outside of our relationship.
‘He showed me that he respected women by the way he treated his mother, his sisters, and his grandmother.’
Michelle also revealed what people should be looking for when they are trying to find a long-term partner.
‘[Barack] fight for folks who didn’t have much power,’ Michele said. ‘These were all things I learned long before we were married.
‘It was all on display when we dated: he was consistent, he was honest, he was respectful, and he was secure in himself and secure in us. He hasn’t been perfect, but those things have never wavered.’
The couple has been together for 26 years, so it comes as no surprise that Michelle would have good advice on how to pick a partner for life.
The cover shoot is the first time Michelle as publicly showed off her natural curls, and the decision could be due to her revealing intimate details about herself in her first book.
Revealed: The only other time people caught a glimpse of Michelle’s natural curls was last year in a paparazzi snap
Beautiful: For the cover of Essence, Michelle wore a white suit jacket similar to the outfit she wore during a book appearance in Inglewood, California, on Nov. 15
Funny: On Thursday night, Michelle stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live to talk about her book and read out cards he wrote of things she couldn’t say while in the White House
Hilarious: Michelle jokingly said George Clooney, 57, was her ‘freebie’ during the interview
The public has only previously caught a glimpse of the mother-of-two’s natural hair last year when a paparazzi snapped her with it tucked into a pony tail, so Michelle freely unveiling her curls has women everywhere praising the former first lady.
During her book tour, Michelle also stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live on Thursday evening and revealed that she is now able to do what she wants since leaving the White House.
Jimmy, 51, then took it upon himself to write up hilarious antidotes Michelle can now say, even if they aren’t true, at the end of the interview segment.
Some of the cards read phrases like, ‘I’ve never eaten a vegetable’ (as a joke on Michelle’s Let’s Move campaign); ‘The whole eight years we were in the White House, we used Laura Bush’s password’; and ‘I’m not sure which one’s Malia and which one’s Sasha.’
The final card Michelle had to read out loud read: ‘[George Clooney] is my freebie.’
She then agreed saying ‘he’s everyone’s’ to the amusement of the studio audience.
Looks like Barack might (jokingly) have some competition if George Clooney ever comes knocking.
In between meals, schmoozing with your family members that keeps asking you when you’re going to get married and have kids, and helping clean and cook, you may want to be using dating apps on Thanksgiving to help distract you from all of the chaos happening. The fun “game” of swiping can serve as a fun interruption from hosting duties or trying to make small talk with everyone. However, it may feel weird to be on dating apps while you’re surrounded by family members who keep interrogating you about your love life.
I reached out to April Masini, relationship advice expert, to explain why you may feel a little uncomfortable about swiping on dating apps with your family around.
“It feels awkward to swipe on dating apps when you’re home for Thanksgiving because it’s that rare confluence of you and your sexuality — in your parents’ home,” Masini tells Elite Daily about people who are visiting home during the holidays and not used to swiping with family members around. “If you feel uncomfortable or find yourself hiding your swiping behavior when you’re home for Thanksgiving, it’s because you feel that this swiping and dating app business is slightly sexual in nature and private. You’re not wrong.”
Even if you’re swiping in secret during the holiday, it’s still possible you may find someone you’re interested in. It’s also possible it could be someone you know from high school or from growing up in the area.
“If you want to connect with that person, this is kind of a great entryway to reach out,” she says. “You can do so on the dating app if you’re interested in that person romantically — or you can look them up outside of the dating app and mention that you saw them there.”
You could set up a post-Thanksgiving meal drink or even a Black Friday shopping date. Meeting up while you’re both home could be a good chance to catch up, and who knows? It could even grow into something beyond that one date.
But keep in mind that finding a relationship on dating apps during Thanksgiving isn’t going to be everyone’s prerogative, so don’t set your hopes too high.
“Remember that unless you establish that you both want something long distance, and you’re not local to the area, this is probably going to be a fling,” Masini says. “Out-of-town hook ups are what they are — just make sure you’re both on the same page about what’s going on, so you don’t get hurt or hurt someone else.”
Even though it may feel a little strange to be swiping when you’re around family, you gotta do what you gotta do. If you want that Thanksgiving break hookup, or even are just curious to see what people from the area are up to, you’re totally allowed to do that. As long as you’re respectful to the hosts of your meal, don’t bail out too early (who would want to miss pumpkin pie anyway), and spend enough time with family from out of town, you’re free to swipe as much as you damn well want to!
There’s nothing you want more than to learn how to find your soulmate — your perfect life partner.
But since you’re no closer to finding “the one” despite your continued search for love, it’s time you considered some new dating advice so you can finally get it right and meet the man of your dreams.
After all, you’ve learned how to pick all the important things in life — a great college, a suitable career, a reliable car, even a fabulous glass of wine. So why then do you spend so little time learning how to make great choices where your heart is concerned?
When it comes to deciding who has the potential to be your life-long companion, the dating process you go through often looks uncertain and complicated.
It’s largely based on sheer initial chemistry, rather than any sort of logical, scientific, or heartfelt methodology — which is the key to building a strong relationship foundation and, ultimately, the best way for how to find your soulmate.
In the past, you’ve taken very little time to investigate if a person is truly a great match for you or your life journey, before giving your heart and mind over to the idea that they could be “the one” for you.
It also seems that the majority of people think relationship skills are supposed to be innate; however, studies show that marriage education, whether before or after a couple are married, dramatically reduces a couple’s chance of divorce by one-third.
Yet, very few individuals actually seek instruction on the important skills needed for an interpersonal relationship to thrive.
When choosing your life partner and deciding to marry them, blindly following an “autopilot mindset” is bound to lead you down a rocky road.
That’s why it’s important to pull your head out of the love-chemical induced fog and take time to refine your skills when it comes to choosing a life partner and maintaining a successful relationship.
The whole process of finding your soulmate and perfect life partner begins with introspection.
What matters most to you? Whose relationships have you seen that you would like to emulate?
Take some time to get a clear vision of what you want in a relationship, and what you want in a life partner — both now and into the future as you grow with them.
The next step is to write down your vision in detail. Review this list and make sure all of the traits you desire could realistically exist in one human being and narrow down, where you can, any physical traits.
It’s important to stay open-minded and realize there’s a good chance your perfect life partner may not come in the package you had envisioned. What’s most important is that you and your soulmate are aligned over core values and share a similar vision of what it means to co-create a lifetime of happiness.
Once you have thought through these issues, it’s time to take action.
Follow these 5 key pieces of dating advice for how to find your soulmate and perfect life partner, so you can finally meet “the one.”
1. Investigate your past relationship patterns
Start by honestly acknowledging the patterns you have in relationships. What did you pick up from your parents or your previous relationships? How do those patterns play into your responses to someone else’s actions?
This knowledge is key to being your best in your relationship. When you are aware of how your specific attachments and biological, chemical, and communication patterns influence you, it will assist you in no longer being blindly piloted by them.
Instead, you will be able to better chart your own course, and smoothly navigate your way toward someone whose relationship patterns will work in harmony with yours.
Also, try to slow things down if it’s a long-term arrangement you’re looking for.
Physical chemistry often compels you to move faster than you should, and the chemical cocktail produced from great sex will more often than not give you the illusion of a strong foundation for a relationship that may not actually exist yet.
This is especially true for women whose emotional existence can seduce them into feelings of romantic love, well before actual love has arrived.
Many individuals who rush into relationships may often remain in a “better-than-nothing” relationship long past its expiration date because of the flimsy foundation it was built on originally.
2. Explore how real life-long relationships work
Are you one of the lucky minority who comes from a loving, thriving family with parents who still together? If yes, count your blessings, because many people don’t. Who in your world has a good relationship?
Even if it’s not perfect, what components of their marriage do you admire and hope to someday emulate? Get clear on what matters most to you in a partnership then check in with yourself to make sure it’s a solid commitment that is based in reality.
If you are lacking in good role models, find a few new ones and pick their brains on why their marriage works so well.vIf need be, research great partnerships online and read about inspiring couples overcoming adversity to broaden your perspective.
Always be clear on what is important for you in a relationship with your future life partner.
Do you want to be with someone who enjoys entertaining, or would you prefer quiet nights at home cooking together? Important topics to cover before diving into a committed relationship include knowing where they stand on marriage, kids, and what their general vision is for the future.
Do they have a realistic game plan? Is financial stability a priority to them? Can you gauge whether or not they are devoted to making your relationship a priority in their life and do you know how they define a successful marriage?
3. Look beyond the first impression
You want to be liked, so you put your best foot forward when meeting someone new. To a certain extent, that means you don’t reveal all of yourself up front. That is natural, and you can assume most people do the same.
Unfortunately, these masks can make it difficult to get to know the real person for several weeks, months or even years.
Your key to long-term success is determined by your choice of a good match early on. Your ability to be tuned into your intuition — using your heart, head, and gut as a gauge — during the first three months of dating is crucial.
By initially being able to “put someone at ease,” you encourage them to more fully show their true selves, and in turn, they will reveal their true motives to you.
To put someone at ease, you need to be in control of your own thought processes first. Do you have a propensity to make assumptions or cast judgments when you start dating someone new? Those assumptions are most likely not serving your greater purpose of finding a great, long-term partner.
Whatever is happening in your mind is projected through your facial and body gestures, so if you are in a positive upbeat place, you will transfer those good feelings to your partner. It’s important you know yourself well so your capacity to know others is more transparent.
To effectively decide if you have found a good potential match, you have to take on a role that combines the skills of an investigative reporter and those of an undercover agent.
Cultivate your ability to ask good open-ended questions. Be an active listener and stay tuned into your gut and heart, following up with more questions if they say something that makes you feel uneasy.
Remember not to make assumptions, but instead allow someone to explain with more precision what they mean. With all that bombards your brain nowadays, you can suffer in your ability to remain focused. As a result, setting the groundwork for a solid, healthy relationship can be a prolonged and confusing affair.
And remember to put down your smartphone sometimes, too. Have actual conversations with them and become conscious and fully present when you are together.
5. Set goals and stick to them
Once you have found someone with potential and decided this person is where your energy can be productively spent, then the real dating begins. Finding your soulmate and life partner is not a dance; it’s a project.
Know what your relationship goals are in the short and long term, and use your time wisely. Don’t waste your time going to movies or other events where you are not directly spending quality time getting to know each another in the early stages of dating.
You don’t need to determine if he is “the one” during your first few dates. Instead, your goal should be just to have fun with this person, find things you have in common, keep the conversation positive, and make sure you carefully watch how they react in different environments.
After five or six solid dates, you should then be able to confidently share your core values and the vision of what you want in a relationship with the person you’re seeing. After you paint the picture of what you’re looking for, ask them what they’ve imagined for their future relationship.
Continue to ask good open-ended questions around what you both envisioned for your future. Again, don’t assume and don’t judge.
If something they tell you seems significantly off from your vision, ask on a scale of zero to ten — zero being not important at all and ten being essential — where they lie on that issue. It helps you quickly assess if it is a fixed value or ideal, or if they are up for potentially shifting their mindset on the topic.
These five steps for refining your approach to dating will help you get into a committed relationship with someone that has the potential to be your soulmate and life-long partner.
Of course, there are times, especially in your early 20s or when you’ve just come out of a long relationship, that you just want to date for the sake of dating. Honoring this time to play is essential.
However, even when you’re dating just for the sake of dating, you can use these relationship-building skills to learn more about yourself and what you’d like or prefer to avoid in a romantic partnership.
And when the time is right for you, take a more conscious path toward choosing your next partner — who might even be your soulmate.
Joy Nordenstrom is a relationship coach and matchmaker, who works with clients to help them be their best in their relationships, whether they are single, dating, proposing, getting married or have been married for years. For more information, visit her website.
Don’t go looking for love, but make time to do the things you love – that’s the message Hilary Barry had for Brodie Kane and Caitlin Marett as she joined them for a candid chat during this week’s Girls on Top podcast.
In a discussion sparked after Caitlin asked how the broadcaster “found” her husband, Barry said any thought of finding a relationship should take a backseat to feeling “happy and whole the way you are, on your own”.
“You know that line in Jerry Maguire, ‘You complete me’? No! You’re complete before that other person came along … there is no void in your life. You are, a fabulous woman … you are complete,” she said.
Caitlin admitted she’d tried a number of avenues in her search for love, even spending a day planting trees on Waiheke in the hope she’d meet a kindred spirit.
“I literally, planted trees with my sister and my brother-in-law, thinking I would find a husband …”
“Stop there,” Barry interjected. “This thinking I will find a husband … you should do activities that you really love, that you love just for doing, but don’t set out to meet people … you’ve gotta let that side of it go.”
“So, just stop, like trying?” Caitlin queried.
“Yup,” said Barry, “but you’re trying in that you’re out there, so you’re joining these groups, you’re planting trees, you’re … joining a choir, joining a painting group …”
When Brodie and Caitlin argued they had busy lives and couldn’t commit the time to extracurricular activities, Barry was blunt: “Yeah, well you need to find time – definitely!”
In a hilarious segment, Barry also revealed that it took months for sparks to fly between herself and her now-husband after they were introduced by a mutual friend in 1996.
In fact, she was initially so unwilling to meet her future love that her friend offered her $100 just to come for one drink with his mate.
“I thought ‘oh, this is beyond tragic’,” she remembered, as she detailed how she and her “wing woman” left the cab waiting outside the bar while they showed up for precisely one drink, before leaving again.
“Mike Barry seemed very handsome and very suave but I just thought … he looked like trouble. He looked too handsome,” she said, laughing.
Thankfully for Barry, her friend didn’t give up on playing match-maker and the couple eventually became an item.
Listen to the full episode below! Girls On Top talk about the challenges facing women in the workplace, dating and body confidence.
