Relationships Talk

“I am here to show you how to Get. It. In.” Tiffany Haddish begins her very very wise, very very vulgar dating advice video for GQ. With the joie de vivre that has endeared her to most earth dwellers since her breakout role in last summer’s “Girls Trip,” Haddish delivers priceless advice on dating etiquette and hygiene for heterosexual men.

Here Are Her Best Points:

1.First dates should be conversation and activity-based (movies bad, amusement parks good.)

2.If you want to ask a woman out, start by asking her how she is and gauging her response.

3.It is thoughtful to know when a woman’s period is coming and then offer her a maxi-pad. You can also use a maxi-pad in your shoe to absorb yeast. That’s a bonus tip.

4.Don’t spray your you-know-what with cologne. (You don’t want it to taste like “alcohol and hibiscus!”)

5.Dirty nails are a red flag

6.Wait 8-12 hours to give the date-follow-up call. It may help to create a schedule for yourself.

7.”Thirst is the worst” (don’t be emotionally needy.)

8.Try to read womens’ body language to gauge interest.

9.If it’s only been 1-2 dates, you’re allowed to ghost. More than that and “you better be in f*****g jail.”

10.Don’t try weird sex things, or any sex things, without asking. Instead, have conversations about what you’re both into.

“Well. I hope you learned something today,” Haddish finishes. “If you didn’t — something wrong witchu. And I don’t know what to tell you. Cause I’m a great teacher.”

And with that, she’s done. And she flounces away, as if delivering six minutes of advice for men about dating that perfectly balances humor, pragmatism, and the ethics of consent is the easiest thing in the world.

via GIPHY

Jenny Singer is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny