Relationships Talk

One Too Many Horrible Dates? Here’s How to Handle Them Like a Pro

The possibilities of what could happen on a first date are endless. Whether you’re complete strangers who’ve been set up by friends, online dating matches, or longtime pals who are giving into that undeniable attraction, you never really know what the relationship will feel like by the night’s end.

Part of a first date’s power comes from how great it feels when it doesn’t end disastrously in one of a seemingly infinite number of ways. While there are lots of scenarios for a successful first date, what about those that don’t go so well? What you hoped would blossom into a  long-term relationship could potentially be a cautionary tale of a nightmarish variety.

What you’ll find below are six common bad date scenarios, along with some advice on how to handle each one like a pro.

1. Your Date Doesn’t Show Up

So, the big date is finally here. You show up acting all cool, dressed up a little (but not too much), and your date’s nowhere to be found. Although you’re killing time with a stiff drink, one minute turns to two, and then to five, 10 and soon enough, 15. You start to get worried.

Are you being ghosted? While this is a pretty embarrassing and self-esteem-crushing situation, there’s actually a silver lining. Think of your would-be date bailing as you saving a bunch of time, money, and heartbreak. You’ve already learned  they’re unreliable at the earliest possible moment, rather than getting strung along.

What to Do: If you’re smart, you told a close friend you were going on a date with a Tinder match so they’d be prepared to contact the authorities in case you went missing. Hit them up with a bunch of frowny-face emojis and ask if they want to hang out so you’re not wallowing in your feelings all night.

2. Your Date Looks Way Different in Person

Say you match with someone who’s really your type physically, and when they show up, they’re looking, well …  different. It could be a full-on catfish situation, or a case of someone using out-of-date photos to cast themselves in a more flattering light. Regardless, you might be in a bit of shock. Do you pretend everything is normal and try to struggle through? Is it worth bringing  up and making things super awkward out of the gate?

What to Do: Sure, no one’s using their ugliest photos on a dating profile, but if there’s a noticeable disparity between what you saw online and what you’re seeing IRL, it is fair to bail on the date straight up.

They’ve essentially announced to you that they have issues around self-confidence and that they deal with them by being dishonest to prospective partners. If it’s not that, they’re just compulsive liars, neither of which bodes well for the possibility of a healthy relationship.

3. Your Date Is Super Rude

Maybe your date ignores everything you say. Maybe some unfortunate xenophobia slips out, they’re rude to the waiter, or they make fun of your hobbies. Whatever it may be, having a long conversation with a relative stranger is often a situation that leads to two people realizing they’re just not a matchr due to conflicting personal beliefs.

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What to Do: It really depends on the severity of their rudeness. In some cases, you just wait out the evening, tell the person you had a great time, but also that you don’t think things are going to work out. In some cases, you might want to point out to them why what they’re doing is inappropriate as they’re doing it,  but only if you’re game for the date to take a hard left. While educating people is a noble goal, your date is more likely to take advice of that nature from a trusted confidant than some random guy on a first date.

4. There’s No Chemistry

Sometimes, the person sitting across the table from you is attractive,  nice, polite, and devoid of weird tics like yelling “9/11 was an inside job!” Even though they’re perfectly nice, there’s just … something else missing. Most of the time, that something is a little thing called “interpersonal chemistry.”

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What to Do: Dating can be nerve-wracking! If your date didn’t do anything wrong but just left you feeling a little bored, be as polite as possible about it. A boring date isn’t a lost battle. The two of you are not enemies,  you’re a pair of scared fish in a giant ocean trying to figure things out. Just be clear that you’re not interested, and wish them the best. If you’re the perfect gentleman about it, who knows? Maybe your date has a single friend who’s more your type.

5. You Do Something Embarrassing

Ahh, the nightmare fodder. Whether you  spill your drink all over yourself (or your date), throw up, or severely injure yourself, being hit with a wave of embarrassment on a first date can seem like the end of the world in the moment.

What to Do: This is counterintuitive, but the absolute best way to handle a situation like this is to own it. A person who laughs at their faults will be much more endearing than a person doing their absolute best to hide an embarrassing situation, and who seems  completely unhinged as a result.

Depending on the exact nature of the situation, the date might be beyond saving. If you approach the situation with a sense of humor and a dose of your actual personality, that nightmare first date might just end up being a funny story you tell at your wedding a few years later.

6. Your Date Leaves Early

If you’re an average guy, a mid-date bail is your worst case scenario. It means things went so badly that your date decided they couldn’t stomach another minute of politely smiling at you. Their run for it is so much harsher than a pre-date ghost, since it implies that leaving was a much better option than staying on the date.

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What to Do: Whatever you do, don’t make a big deal about it. The situation is already awkward enough, so don’t compound it by sending angry messages or trying to track your date down “just to talk.” You risk looking like a psycho, and they will tell their friends about you.

It might be tough to swallow, but sometimes, the bad person on the date is … you. It takes a fair amount of self-confidence to recognize that and move on without getting too down. If your date really wants to communicate to you what went wrong, you’ll get a post-mortem message of some sort. If not, take your best guess, or maybe talk it over with some friends,  and get back out there with someone else for next time.

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