Relationships Talk

To the best of my knowledge:

• I sometimes open the cupboard just so I can ninja-dodge the falling Tupperware.
• “Returning the favor’’ is much nicer than calling it ‘’revenge,’’ said the nice lady to the snotty lady over coffee last week.
• The next time someone invites me to his house and says, “Bring whatever you want,’’ I’m taking my taxes for him to do.
• Everyone is a wannabe.
• Unsolicited parenting advice is best, especially when it comes from someone who doesn’t have children. It’s like marriage advice from the single or divorced dude.
• Never trust the stranger who knows more about your life than you do.
• Putting your earbuds in while the boss is asking you do so something is not a performance-review enhancer.
• Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better. I recently heard a high school teacher say that to her class.
• Guacamole is a waste of time, energy and the color green.
• It takes a dedicated commitment to be lazy.
• Cedric the Entertainer rocks.
• If I were in a coma, I’d wake up to turn off Justin Bieber.
• I used to look forward to pulling an all-nigher; now I’m hoping not to nod off at work before noon.
• The world needs more Mr. Thanksgivings, more Reggie Freemans, and more John Gripps, Dave Wraths, Chip Fillers, Rob Burkheads, John Scallys, Ray Hamiltons and George McDoniel Jrs.
• Christmas music playing round the clock on station 96.1 FM beginning Nov. 4 is a breach of all that is seasonal. I refuse to use satellite radio so I can support local programming that has been fabulous to me through the years, but this is the end. It has to be some corporate yahoo making this call, because the folks running 96.1 are solid radio people.
• I would vote for a Kim Reynolds-Cheri Bustos presidential ticket.
• It’s November; it’s the Midwest; and it snows. Slow down and deal with it.
• The sticker I received for voting reminds me of a participation trophy. Don’t reward me for exercising my obligation to be heard.
• The new concession stand and paved parking lot are things of beauty at Rock Island’s Douglas Park.
• Baseball’s Bryce Harper is not worth $400 million, and Tim Tebow has no business being on the fringe of playing in the big leagues.
• There was no sign of the Pilgrims eating green bean casserole at the first Thanksgiving. I am, however, certain they had that canned cranberry thing.
• Mike Parker, the legendary Chicago TV reporter at station WBBM, passed recently at age 75. Parker, known in his younger days as Mike Fishel, was a 1961 Rock Island High School graduate who got his start in media at the famous KSTT in Davenport.